Here it is, you Monday morning list of things you should probably not do.

(Submitted by Kennes Hendrickson)

• Not allowed to send soldiers to the motor pool for a can of air.
• Not allowed to send soldiers to the 1sg to ask for the pricky-8 for the radio
• Even if the platoon sergeant thought it would be funny
• Must not remove a soldiers canister from their gas mask
• Even if they are sleeping on duty
• Not allowed to send soldiers to range control to get keys to the drop zone
• There is no such duty to paint the flight lines
• Not allowed to refer to subordinates as my minions
• Not allowed to refer to subordinates as my little bastards
• Not allowed to tape corporals to chairs with 100 mile hour tape during lunch hour
• Nor allowed during duty hours
• Not even if they flunked out of jump master school twice
• Can not order soldiers to throw rocks at the same corporal
• Can not set up trip wires in the scif at Ft. Bragg in order to make the roving gaurds trip
• Not supposed to laugh at the NCOIC when she trips over the trip wire
• Not allowed to sell TA-50 on e-bay
• Not even if it is your annoying room mates TA-50
• Not allowed to call your 1sg a LEG even if he is one
• Can not laugh at your 1sg for being a reservist, because they have feeling too
• Must not tell locals in Hawaii that your MOS is Sub-terrain Pineapple growers, even if you work under a pineapple field and can not say what you do
• Not supposed to tell people they hate me because I am black, especially if I am white
• On Sicily drop zone at 0100 when the platoon sergeant is looking for his poncho, not supposed to take the token Mexican kid to him
• Can not hide your platoon sergeants poncho from him on jumps
• Not allowed to ask the battalion CSM why you always have to remind him he is a sergeant major
• Can not inject the “Army, it’s so easy a caveman can do it” picture into a power point presentation intended for the battalion commander
• Even if he thinks it is funny
• Can not even attempt to DX my neighbor
• Not allowed to have an EPW camp of field mice in an MRE box
• Not allowed to execute mice that were captured during time of war
• Birth certificate and high school diploma do not count for promotion points
• During war fighters can not brief the ACE chief on enemy activity in Rhode Island
• Even if you believe they are communist
• Can not fuel a generator while smoking a cigarette
• Not allowed to ask your CO for beef jerky, even if he did horde it on the show Survivor
• Not allowed to put a bumper sticker on a religious soldiers car that reads “WWSD” with small print reading “What would Scooby Doo”
• Not allowed to link all laptops together to play 2 vs. 2 command and conquer generals
• Not allowed to take the CO’s proxima projector to make a movie theater inside the t-scif
• It is frowned upon to teach a private MP that is 4th general order is to guard his post from flank to flank and take no shit from any rank
• Even if the MP NCOIC taught it to you
• Not allowed to hide in shelter halves to avoid work
• Can not perform an L shaped ambush on your SGL at PLDC with blank rounds
• During a brass shake down can not tell the drill sergeant “Your ass, my ammo”
• While as a drill sergeant can not give your soldiers ecstasy

This entry was posted on Monday, June 16th, 2008 at 9:25 am and is filed under Army, New List. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.