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Yet Another “Do Not Do This” Update

June 16th, 2008 by skippy

Here it is, allergist you Monday morning list of things you should probably not do.

(Submitted by Kennes Hendrickson)

  • Not allowed to send soldiers to the motor pool for a can of air.
  • Not allowed to send soldiers to the 1sg to ask for the pricky-8 for the radio
  • Even if the platoon sergeant thought it would be funny
  • Must not remove a soldiers canister from their gas mask
  • Even if they are sleeping on duty
  • Not allowed to send soldiers to range control to get keys to the drop zone
  • There is no such duty to paint the flight lines
  • Not allowed to refer to subordinates as my minions
  • Not allowed to refer to subordinates as my little bastards
  • Not allowed to tape corporals to chairs with 100 mile hour tape during lunch hour
  • Nor allowed during duty hours
  • Not even if they flunked out of jump master school twice
  • Can not order soldiers to throw rocks at the same corporal
  • Can not set up trip wires in the scif at Ft. Bragg in order to make the roving gaurds trip
  • Not supposed to laugh at the NCOIC when she trips over the trip wire
  • Not allowed to sell TA-50 on e-bay
  • Not even if it is your annoying room mates TA-50
  • Not allowed to call your 1sg a LEG even if he is one
  • Can not laugh at your 1sg for being a reservist, pills because they have feeling too
  • Must not tell locals in Hawaii that your MOS is Sub-terrain Pineapple growers, even if you work under a pineapple field and can not say what you do
  • Not supposed to tell people they hate me because I am black, especially if I am white
  • On Sicily drop zone at 0100 when the platoon sergeant is looking for his poncho, not supposed to take the token Mexican kid to him
  • Can not hide your platoon sergeants poncho from him on jumps
  • Not allowed to ask the battalion CSM why you always have to remind him he is a sergeant major
  • Can not inject the “Army, it’s so easy a caveman can do it” picture into a power point presentation intended for the battalion commander
  • Even if he thinks it is funny
  • Can not even attempt to DX my neighbor
  • Not allowed to have an EPW camp of field mice in an MRE box
  • Not allowed to execute mice that were captured during time of war
  • Birth certificate and high school diploma do not count for promotion points
  • During war fighters can not brief the ACE chief on enemy activity in Rhode Island
  • Even if you believe they are communist
  • Can not fuel a generator while smoking a cigarette
  • Not allowed to ask your CO for beef jerky, even if he did horde it on the show Survivor
  • Not allowed to put a bumper sticker on a religious soldiers car that reads “WWSD” with small print reading “What would Scooby Doo”
  • Not allowed to link all laptops together to play 2 vs. 2 command and conquer generals
  • Not allowed to take the CO’s proxima projector to make a movie theater inside the t-scif
  • It is frowned upon to teach a private MP that is 4th general order is to guard his post from flank to flank and take no shit from any rank
  • Even if the MP NCOIC taught it to you
  • Not allowed to hide in shelter halves to avoid work
  • Can not perform an L shaped ambush on your SGL at PLDC with blank rounds
  • During a brass shake down can not tell the drill sergeant “Your ass, my ammo”
  • While as a drill sergeant can not give your soldiers ecstasy

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8 Responses to “Yet Another “Do Not Do This” Update”

  1. tzanti Says:

    An entertaining addition to the lists.



    Captcha: Col Mendoza – Wasn’t he the Lancs CO who got court-martialled a while back?


  2. SPC Hyle Says:

    I’ve done a few of those…


  3. Stickfodder Says:

    Hmm I plan on joining the military eventually and its going to be hard to not try any of these

    “Takahira Board” is that like a japanese surf board?


  4. A B Says:

    I need to find this, “Army. Its so easy, a caveman can do it” picture!


  5. LT Ronald Says:

    I remember the survior that got kicked off for hording Jerky, does he still deny it?


  6. Analee Says:

    Hee. Awesome, as always. Especially because the COs seem to be amused by all of it.

    Captcha: nature Centar – A slightly LOL-type spelling of Nature Center. (Sorry, couldn’t come up with anything funny…)


  7. macdjord Says:

    You really should proofread these things when they’re submitted, Skippy.


  8. Signalist Says:

    ‘4th general order’ SHOULD be made official, I have been given orders that while I am on duty I may not let anyone, not even my own superiors that I personally recoqnize, to enter the room I am guarding if they have not given a proper response to my request for a password, the act of trying to enter before I could make the request was to be considered hostile and I was ordered to fire a warningshot should that ever happen, I was also hinted that there was no such thing as a second warning.


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