This weeks list of bad military ideas comes from an Army Cadet in the Australian military. Which should probably be terrifying if you are a soldier in the Australian military.
(Submitted by Cadet Who?)
- Must not refer to a lanyard as a “ropey thingy”
- Must not use a lanyard to hang an NCO, salve no matter how much I hate them
- Must not use wit to come up with “funny” rhymes about NCO’s
- The chain of command doesn’t care how long I have played PS2 for, medic I still have to do drill
- Ghostmas is not a real religious holiday and I shouldn’t take time off cadets for it
- I am not the crazy cat lady
- I must not make my personal army of cats
- I am not in charge of the zero gravity universe
- There is no such thing as the zero gravity universe
- I am no longer to do the “Eden” dance
- I am no longer allowed to dance the “Krystal”
- Walter the bank guy (deal or no deal) is not my home dog
- Using large amounts of hair gel causes cancer and hair loss, doctor think about it
- I am not the president of Uzbekistan
- I am not to cover the parade ground with sand and create a Zen garden
- I am not allowed to re-enact anything from Jackass
- I am not to see how many marshmallows I can shove up my nose
- When in cold conditions, I am not allowed to lick poles
- I am not allowed to steal the company’s flag, this achieves nothing
- I am not to push that button on the radio while someone is talking
- I am not to inquire how to make “cadet cocaine”
- I am not to flatten my face against windows
- I am not to convert people to “The Dark side”
- “The Dark side” does not have cookies
- I am not to go into the Q store and become “The Magical Scrim Monster”
- I am not Fergalicious
- I am not to encourage other cadets to irritate the NCO’s
- “Point and laugh” is not a drill move
- I am not to go on a mission based solely on pushing over sleeping cows
- I must not put the bandages used for First-Aid lessons in my mouth, I don’t know where they’ve been
- I cannot fly and I should not test this
- There’s no such thing as “scrim attack”
- Manikin look-a-likes of me don’t replace me at lessons, camps or parades
- I don’t know kung-fu, and I should not say this
- I do not have an evil twin
- I am not to get other sections lost on purpose, even if it is funny
- The SSGT is not a member of Al-Qaeda
- Saying that I was dropped on my head at birth does not justify anything bad I have done
- I am to speak English at all times, Not German, not Chinese, English
- I am not bringing Sexy back
- If I start seeing Leprechauns, I’ve drunk too much coke
- I am not to do anything I saw in the movie “Jarhead”, especially “field f**k”
- I am not to taunt the air-force cadets anymore
- The SSGT is not a ferret, even though with his new hair style he does look like one.
- New recruits are not “cannon fodder”
- I must not itch myself with a loaded steyer
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