Here it is, allergist you Monday morning list of things you should probably not do.
(Submitted by Kennes Hendrickson)
- Not allowed to send soldiers to the motor pool for a can of air.
- Not allowed to send soldiers to the 1sg to ask for the pricky-8 for the radio
- Even if the platoon sergeant thought it would be funny
- Must not remove a soldiers canister from their gas mask
- Even if they are sleeping on duty
- Not allowed to send soldiers to range control to get keys to the drop zone
- There is no such duty to paint the flight lines
- Not allowed to refer to subordinates as my minions
- Not allowed to refer to subordinates as my little bastards
- Not allowed to tape corporals to chairs with 100 mile hour tape during lunch hour
- Nor allowed during duty hours
- Not even if they flunked out of jump master school twice
- Can not order soldiers to throw rocks at the same corporal
- Can not set up trip wires in the scif at Ft. Bragg in order to make the roving gaurds trip
- Not supposed to laugh at the NCOIC when she trips over the trip wire
- Not allowed to sell TA-50 on e-bay
- Not even if it is your annoying room mates TA-50
- Not allowed to call your 1sg a LEG even if he is one
- Can not laugh at your 1sg for being a reservist, pills because they have feeling too
- Must not tell locals in Hawaii that your MOS is Sub-terrain Pineapple growers, even if you work under a pineapple field and can not say what you do
- Not supposed to tell people they hate me because I am black, especially if I am white
- On Sicily drop zone at 0100 when the platoon sergeant is looking for his poncho, not supposed to take the token Mexican kid to him
- Can not hide your platoon sergeants poncho from him on jumps
- Not allowed to ask the battalion CSM why you always have to remind him he is a sergeant major
- Can not inject the “Army, it’s so easy a caveman can do it” picture into a power point presentation intended for the battalion commander
- Even if he thinks it is funny
- Can not even attempt to DX my neighbor
- Not allowed to have an EPW camp of field mice in an MRE box
- Not allowed to execute mice that were captured during time of war
- Birth certificate and high school diploma do not count for promotion points
- During war fighters can not brief the ACE chief on enemy activity in Rhode Island
- Even if you believe they are communist
- Can not fuel a generator while smoking a cigarette
- Not allowed to ask your CO for beef jerky, even if he did horde it on the show Survivor
- Not allowed to put a bumper sticker on a religious soldiers car that reads “WWSD” with small print reading “What would Scooby Doo”
- Not allowed to link all laptops together to play 2 vs. 2 command and conquer generals
- Not allowed to take the CO’s proxima projector to make a movie theater inside the t-scif
- It is frowned upon to teach a private MP that is 4th general order is to guard his post from flank to flank and take no shit from any rank
- Even if the MP NCOIC taught it to you
- Not allowed to hide in shelter halves to avoid work
- Can not perform an L shaped ambush on your SGL at PLDC with blank rounds
- During a brass shake down can not tell the drill sergeant “Your ass, my ammo”
- While as a drill sergeant can not give your soldiers ecstasy