Homosexual Mustalids
Recently I acquired the Age of Conan. This has turned out to be a pretty good MMO, and will probably replace City of Heroes in my gaming rotation.
So now after a week of running amok in a low-fantasy world I decided to pull out my old 80’s sword and sorcery movies. The perfect kind of movie to watch as long as you can just shut your brain off and ignore the horrible dialog, cheap rubber monsters, and plot holes that you could drive a cement mixer through.
One movie in particular caught my attention.
Now the Beastmaster actually stands up pretty well, as far as bad 80’s movies goes. Its cheesy as all hell, but its still fun in pretty much the same way that Xena was. But I did notice a small issue with the ferrets.
You see, I saw this movie when I was a child, and it convinced me that I wanted a pet ferret. This same movie convinced my parents that no such thing was going to happen. In fact, due to a variety of reasons I had been unable to get a pet ferret until about four years ago. And last week was the first time that I have seen this movie since acquiring a set of the furry little kleptomaniacs.
For those of you unfamiliar with this movie, the main character, a young man named Dar, fights against the forces of evil with the help of his animal companions. He communicates with them telepathically and they help him in a wide variety of ways during his adventures.
Amongst his animal companions are two ferrets named Podo and Kodo. These critters are portrayed as a couple from their first scene. In fact by the end of the movie they are shown to have children together.
The only problem is that they are both boy ferrets.
This is will actually be fairly obvious to anyone who owns ferrets as the females are about half the size of the males with these animals, plus they have pointier faces.
So basically I immediately recognize that these are boys and that they appear to be in a gay relationship. So I paid more attention and noticed a few other details that supported my new theory.
One of the ferrets can be seen with a litter of babies near the end of the film. Now there is no way that those two reproduced in any traditional way. So clearly they have taken the adoption route. Most likely from China.
Their primary enemy is a priest. An evil priest who practices human sacrifice, but a priest none-the-less. So just like in real life the gays find themselves being opposed by a member of the clergy. No doubt he seized power by pandering to the “anti-gay ferret adoption” values voter.
“Sure, I’m against his whole ‘Hurl our infants into the sacrificial flame’ policy. But we have to protect marriage from the evils of gay ferrets.”
Lastly, there is their primary means of transportation. Kodo and Podo travel in a purse. A purse that is carried by a half-naked well muscled blond man. Specifically, they are kind of snuggled up into the vicinity of his crotch reason.
So to recap:
1) Both boys
2) Hated by the clergy
3) Travel via man-purse, which is strapped to a dude’s crotch.
Yeah, these ferrets are gayer than a dick with sequins.
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June 5th, 2008 at 11:14 am
DAMN!!!!
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June 5th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
*falls over laughing*
OH GODS, I NEVER NOTICED THAT BEFORE!!! I’ve rented that movie a bunch of times, and never once did I realize ANY of this. That is ACE!
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June 5th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
God I haven’t seen that movie in soo long now I have to go rent it just to see how gay the ferrets really are and to see if I can spot anything else like that, that I missed.
Holy shit the words i have to type in at the bottom are “earned” and “men” is that a coincidence or am i just going insane from being up to 2:20 PM?
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Stickfodder reply on June 5th, 2008 1:21 pm:
Shit I meant AM
Newell Petroleum!
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June 5th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Age of Conan, eh? Just don’t wind up like Tom Reynolds, will ya?
http://randomreality.blogware.com/blog/_archives/2008/5/28/3716511.html
AoC – Biggest threat to the Blogosphere in years ;)
T.
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June 5th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Eh, not touching Age of Conan myself. I preordered the collector’s edition of Warhammer Online. Looks sexy.
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Tony reply on June 5th, 2008 6:53 pm:
yes, yes it does
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June 5th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Yet another reason to avoid bad 80’s movies.
On a more important note, give us more info on AoC.
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June 6th, 2008 at 12:54 am
I haven’t seen The Beastmaster in so long. It, along with Flash Gordon, Conan the Destroyer and Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight were my favorite movies as a kid.
Oh, and Dune, too.
Wow, that explains so much about me. Scary.
And, seriously, what is up with the anti-spam thingy at the bottom? I’ve got “reputed Mrs” to type in! I’ve NEVER reputed to be married (and gods help whomever I do. Poor bastard).
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SKD reply on June 6th, 2008 2:43 am:
Yes but have you read the book(DUNE). I think the SciFi channel was a better adaptation of the book but I prefer the visual look and feel of the original screen adaptation.
And in a selfless act of masochism I will save some future poor bastard and be your reputed Mr. :P
Joking. I am a shameless flirt. What the heck is a “lication”? Captcha of the moment
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Minty reply on June 6th, 2008 3:13 am:
Aw, my first reputed marriage proposal! I feel all warm and fuzzy now…
I didn’t get around to reading the book until 8th grade, because I didn’t realize there was a book. See, I was about six or seven years old when we got a copy of Dune (the movie). It ended up being my mother’s tool for distracting me so she could do housework, instead of Carebears or Barbie videos, or whatever what popular among little girls at the time.
I’ve never seen the SciFi channel remake of Dune. Even though I love the book (I think I had my first orgasm reading it. Seriously. Of course, I was thirteen and impressionable at the time), I still like the David Lynch version. I don’t know if I could handle someone other than Brad Dourif playing Piter De Vries.
As for “lication,” I think Captcha’s miffed at us and making up words. I’ve got “Earners today” right now.
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SKD reply on June 6th, 2008 3:37 am:
The SciFi channel version was on par(if not better) with Lord of the Rings when it comes to faithful transfer of story from page to screen. It is also about 8 hours long. One of the few truly great works to come out of the SciFi studios, if only they had had David Lynch and crew to keep the flavor of the original….
I am not saying i wouldn’t propose to you but we haven’t even met yet:P
I am available for stalking though…….(Did I just cross the creep factor line? dammit)
Captcha = “Mexico loans”
Sicarius reply on June 6th, 2008 4:59 am:
THIS CONVERSATION IS SCARING ME. Also, Dune is the best book. Ever. I still pretend the rest of the series never happened, though. Yes, I’m one of THEM.
Stickfodder reply on June 6th, 2008 5:51 am:
I’ve never read Dune and im not sure why but i guess i should go pick up a copy because i do love the movie.
Now I’ve got “pants were”. My pants were what?
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June 6th, 2008 at 8:03 am
SKD: I’ve heard the SciFi version was loads more truthful to the book, but I’m still hesitant about seeing it. I guess that, for me, I prefer the book for the story, and the David Lynch version for the visuals. And the actors. Well, some of the actors. Brad Dourif, Patrick Stewart and Sían Phillips, to be exact.
As for stalking, are we talking about me stalking you or you stalking me? If me, I’m sorry to inform you, but I’m too lazy to be a real stalker. If you, knock yourself out.
Sicarius: What’s so scary about the conversation? Pretend marriage proposals, or the mental image of a preteen girl getting excited by a story about a guy addicted to alien cinnamon riding around the desert on giant worms?
I’ve also never read the rest of the books, probably because I met too many of “THEM.” I know I should form my own opinion, but I’m too afraid of disappointment coloring my love for the first book.
Stickfodder: Do it! It’s well worth the three bucks it’ll cost you at a used bookstore.
All: I’ve got “Skull Harriett,” now. Is it me, or is Captcha becoming some weird Internet version of a Magic 8-Ball?
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SKD reply on June 6th, 2008 11:06 pm:
I have yet to read the rest of the books either. 1) Other books caught me up sooner, 2)I got some cinnamon around here but i doubt its alien :P , 3)Never really met any of “THEM” but I think I might have seen the movie.
Captcha – “on-story medal”
Recent Captcha “misused Carlos”
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VayVay reply on June 7th, 2008 6:00 am:
The original Dune is by far the best of the books I got through. The second book was pretty good too, but not quite up to the original, and I gave up out of deadly boredom about half way through the 3rd.
Minty: “the mental image of a preteen girl getting excited by a story about a guy addicted to alien cinnamon riding around the desert on giant worms?” – That’s totally hot! ;) (just kidding of course)
Captcha: “suction out” – Ewww…
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Minty reply on June 7th, 2008 7:49 am:
Normally I would agree that thinking of an excited preteen girl is pedo, but for some reason, since it’s me and I’m 29 years old, it doesn’t bother me.
Wow, I really am sick, aren’t I? XÞ
“Weeks delighted.” Ohh…Captcha…you are a naughty little spam filter, aren’t you?
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Stickfodder reply on June 7th, 2008 10:01 am:
Yes, yes you are sick. but don’t feel bad everybody is sick in some way. Well except me… you freaks
admiration ed – WTF?
June 6th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Oh, sweet! Now it’s “seeing Wood.” See? Magic 8-Ball!
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June 6th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Ok this time i got “inTogo ex-” what the hell? Captcha must have some real problems
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June 6th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Random thought. There should be a SkippyCon. For no reason.
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June 6th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Or we could do what they do for Xkcd and have meet ups in big cities.
And i think Captcha agrees it’s given me “Sidney es”. this is just more support for it being like an internet magic 8-ball.
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June 6th, 2008 at 9:23 am
SkippyCon: Are there enough of us that could show up? And what would we do? I’ve never been a big meet-up person, so my experience with them is sadly lacking.
Captcha: I’ve got “on stressed.” I wonder, does it just trawl through web pages and randomly pick two words, or does it pick words related to the topic (I’ve gotten a few of those before)?
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June 6th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I’ve got Semdlc tracus.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s random.
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June 7th, 2008 at 12:28 am
I’ve got “relapse scotch”. Sure, taunt a recovering alcoholic. Damn you captcha!
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June 7th, 2008 at 2:52 am
Holy shit i got 2 1/2 ceremonies. I seriously just got numbers and not only numbers but fractions! and of course I got it wrong bull shit.
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VayVay reply on June 7th, 2008 6:07 am:
So was the third ceremony interrupted or did they just give up on it? :) And for that matter what kind of ceremony was it? In honor of the original topic, I vote for a throwing babies into a pit of fire ceremony. :)
“Michele received” – Someone should write a story using the captchas in the thread. :)
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June 7th, 2008 at 8:52 am
The ceremonies were graduation ceremonies, and its not that the third ceremony was interrupted or that they gave up on it, its just that the third was a ceremony for the kids from the school where they send all the extremely ADD kids and they all just kind of forgot what they were doing and wondered off.
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February 21st, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I found an interesting demotivational poster that is somewhat appropriate (It contains a weasel) for this subject. Motivation
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