I may have very well created a monster in my boy. He is girl crazy and he’s only 10.

I’ve caught him numerous times staring at my fiance’s breasts when she’s in a bikini, and when caught he says “well dad, in my defense, my future step-mom is really hot!”

We went to Cracker Barrel last night for a family dinner, and a pretty girl of about 10 walked by and my son nearly fell out of his chair looking at her. He gave her a wink and a smile, and she smiled back at him. He asked me what I would do. I told him that when I was single if a pretty girl smiled at me I’d buy her a beer. The little girl’s table was getting “happy birthday” sang to one of them at that very moment by the wait staff. The next time the waitress came up, my son asked her to send a rootbeer over to the little girl. I was too stunned to even stop it, I just gave the waitress a nod, which meant “Sure, you can be party to my son’s future as a player.” As the waitress walked by our table with the rootbeer, my son stopped her again and said “here give her this as well.” He put both his mother’s and my phone numbers on a napkin.

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Was watching TV last night and caught about half an hour of The Bachelor. This show and shows like it are total crap. Who wants to see a bunch of good looking people enjoying all expense paid vacations and acting as dramatic as possible just to get 15 minutes of fame? Has anyone done a statistic of how many of those relationships actually last?

I want to see a reality dating show that actually is entertaining and enjoyable to watch. I want to see The Bachelorette: Special Ed edition. Now before you get down on me for making fun of retards, I think that if done with heartfelt good intentions that the show could be not only heartwarming and entertaining, but a way to put back into the nations’ minds that mentally retarded people can have relationships too.

But if Fox gets ahold of the idea forget about it. I could see it now…

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Had a fantastic holiday back home. Saw lots of family, enjoyed some excellent food, stayed away from all holiday cookies (pretty proud of myself for that one). Stayed with family over the Christmas break, and with all of the holiday brew-ha-ha never had any time for intimacy with the fiance.

We rushed to get headed out on Saturday for the long 4 hour trip to Harrisburg from Pittsburgh. In our rush we ate some quick wraps from our local Sheetz gas station. (This becomes important later).

About half way through our drive my fiance realizes that she hasn’t gotten any in almost 4 days and wants to rectify that at 70 miles per hour. (No, this story isn’t going to go all penthouse letters on you) There is still ice and melting snow on the road, plus a nice layer of fog in the air. While I love my fiance, I love my life, and low car insurance premiums more.  At the very least I love low car insurance premiums on the same level. 

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I was running early this morning. I hate running early, because it means that i could have been sleeping, but instead for some ungodly reason I woke up the first time my alarm rang. God bless the snooze button!

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After sharing my first AIBS post with friends and family a few other experiences that I had left out were brought to my attention, and as such I felt obliged to share them with y’all as well.

For the first two years after I split from my ex I used the on-post Summer Day care for my children. It was inexpensive and really worked with my work schedule. My children seemed to enjoy it, but some of the reports that I would receive back from the counselors concerned me a bit.

Counselor: Oh Chief, your kids are just delightful, your daughter did stand up comedy for the talent show we did today. Did she really tell some women that she’s not just like her mom, because she’s not tired of putting up with your crap yet?

Me: Where do you get delightful from that?

Counselor: Have you heard about her corporation? She has Shannon Sharp doing inspirational speaking for them. What an imagination!

Me: Sounds like she got those contractual obligations out of the way.

Counselor: Huh?

Me: She better hope so, otherwise he might have grounds to sue her.

Counselor: Shannon Sharp is going to sue your daughter?

Me: You know what, I think I’ve said too much. You better ask her attorneys if you have any more questions.

At that point I couldn’t keep a straight face any more.

Last year I decided to utilize a different form of day care for my children while I worked. A nice woman with 7 children of her own had an ad out in the paper to do daycare at her home. Since my work schedule had changed and I worked weekends I needed a place that would support that new schedule, as the post day care was Mon-Fri. This woman was and is wonderful. Some of her children are around the ages of my kids, and she has some older children that help her.

The sitter’s eight year-old daughter, Averie, developed a crush on my 10 year-old son. It was cute and harmless, or so both my son and I thought.

For my son’s last birthday he received a Nintendo DSI, which has a voice record function. I picked my son up from daycare the one day, and from the back seat I hear this little eight year-old’s voice:

Ohhhhhhh, (insert my son’s name here), I loooove youuuuu sooooooo baaaaaaad. Ohhhhhhhhh I want to tickle your wee-wee! MMMMMmmmmm (insert son’s name here) I’m going to make you mine. I love you sooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaad!

My son was even more shocked then I was. He had no idea that this little girl had recorded that on his DS, and had just heard it for the first time as well. 

The conversation with the sitter the next day was probably the 2nd most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced.

Since someday Skippy will have to look to a babysitter to have even a smidgen of what was once a life, assuming Skippy had a life to begin with, I have decided to put together a few little vignettes of my experiences being babysat, to when I have had to babysit, to when I’ve had to use babysitters myself, well not for myself, well there was that onetime, for my own kids… you know what I mean!

As a young child one of the most detestable experiences you will go through are when your parents get all gussied up to go out and have fun leaving you with a “sitter”. Why do the call them “sitters”? Because that is all you are allowed to do when these Attila the Hun little bitches get control over you.

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I drink a lot. No, I’m not an alcoholic, though I do occasionally partake in a beer or two. I went from a gall bladder removal surgery to a broken toe that kept me from running for almost 6 months. Since I’ve always been a borderline PT passer, I’ve fallen under the border. Since I have to get back to PT shape by January I have been working out a lot and taking supplements. When you work out a lot and take supplements you drink a lot. When you drink a lot, you piss a lot. At all hours of the day and night.

My fiance is a “nervous” sleeper. No matter how we have arranged a bed in any place we have lived, I have always had to sleep closest to the door so that when the monsters come I can fight them off before they hurt her. I love how naive she is… Everyone knows that monsters come out of the closet. Except her, and I’ll never tell, because while they feast on her flesh I’ll be halfway down the block!

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