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Just to see how it feels

August 4th, 2010 by LT Ronald

Is there one story that you find yourself telling over and over again? My fiance and I recently bought a house in a nice little neighborhood in central PA. Since we have met and drank with a lot of new couples our “How we met” story has been told a lot lately. I don’t like telling that story unless asked, mostly because then I have to hear everyone elses’ boring “how we met on hopelesslosersonline.com” stories. Even if they don’t offer it up, I still have to ask because it is the polite thing to do after telling them about how awesome my coupling went (please feel free to offer up your stories in the comments, especially if they are funny).

No one here asked, but then again you haven’t asked me to tell you about Penis pumps, letter H-ing midgets, shit-facing my commander, getting checked for the clap, or any of the other crazy things I’ve posted here. 

After my cheating whore of an ex-wife left me, I took some time to myself and stayed celibate for a bit. After that month was over I went out on the hunt. MWR was my nickname, not Morale, Welfare, and Recreation, though I must admit that I provided that for quite a few ladies during my year of being single. MWR stood for Man-Whore-Ron.

One night I was sitting at the post combined club (no more officer/NCO clubs) with my roommate and a group of his co-workers, when one of them, a recently separated woman, asked me in all seriousness “does all of this sex with random people really help get over a heartbreak?” *insert sad smile here*. As I was welcoming the fly into my web, one of my men came up to me with a look of purpose and mission on his face.

“Sir, I need your help. Can you play wing-man for me? I’ve got this piece of action going on out here in the other room, and I really need your help running interference with her friend. Trust me, it’ll be worth your while.”

What’s a good LT to do?

A good MWR says, “sure thing buddy”. As I call my roommate over to further discuss how random sex heals all wounds with Lonely Hearts Club girl. I head off with my employee to help him out in a time of need. The thought process being that even if I don’t like, want, or score with my employee’s chick, my other buddy gets some and owes me a favor, and if he fails with the sure thing, I can always swoop back in later and pick up right where I left off.

Also you never know what’s behind door number 2? Anyone who just takes the bird in the hand is too scared of the BUSH in my opinion. Besides even in failure my DVD player has never said “no” and there’s zero risk of a pesky STD like children or the HIV.

Let me set the scene a little bit. The other half of the club is an actual Club, and it’s packed, the All Army Women’s Softball team is there and they are all over each other. My employee sits down next to a woman and points to future Mrs. LT and It’s go time.

Let me further segue here to tell you about why it’s awesome to be the “wing-man”. As the wing-man you can say whatever the fuck you want. Because your only job is to keep the friend away from her friend so that your boy can run game, you need to keep it as interesting as you can. 9 times out of 10 the friend is not someone you’d want to take home anyway, so part of the night can be spent poking fun at her while she tries in vain to get you to take her home.

This was that 1 time out of 10, my buddy wasn’t kidding when he said it was worth my while. 5’0 110 lbs 36-22-34 blond hair with a beautiful face, and half a buzz. She was surrounded by a bunch of E-5 and below, and when they saw the LT coming over they parted like the Red Sea.

Her: “So you must be the LT that John was telling me about”

Me: “That’s right, but you civilian types can call me Ron.”

Her: My name’s Brandy with a “Y”.

Me: Yeah, cause an “I” would be gay. Speaking of which, you’re not one of these lesbian softball players are you?

Her: Me, no. I prefer dick.

Me: Well that’s just great, because I happen to have one of those. I like vagina.

Her: Well that’s just great, because I happen to have one of those.

Me: Maybe we ought to get those two crazy kids together one of these days.

Her: What, like a play-date?

Me: Sure, we could play fun games like Twister, or just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels.

Her: You’re bad!

And she was hooked. Now every once in a while an E4 would get nervy and try and buy her a drink or ask her to dance, at which point I would walk out to the bar to check on my other buddy and his progress. Miss Brandy always made it a point to come find me. The E-4’s were like those small sharks anytime she was away from me, or when I’d feign boredom and go away. They’d swarm, and then get away when she’d find me. You could see she was annoyed that I kept leaving her side, and she kept tracking me down. Sometimes being a good wing-man is getting her so fixed on you that she stays completely out of the other room. The pissed off looks on those E-4 faces every time she found me was just a nice bonus.

Sadly, I did not go home with her that night. Her friend ended up being sober enough to ensure that she got home safe, and my roommate struck out with the sure thing, and was my DD, made sure that if he wasn’t getting any niether was I.

She called me a few days later and asked what I was doing, I told her “sitting at home drinking a beer, wanna come over?” She said sure, and was on her way.

I explained to my roommate, as I told him to make himself scarce, that the secret is confidence. I proceeded to change out of nice clothes into an old pair of sweatpants (old army issue, the kind with the cuffed bottom, not the straight-legged kind) and an old T-shirt. I told him that I was so confident in my abilities that I could pull it off even in sweats.

When she got there I told her that I lost my twister mat.

When my fiance tells this story, she always shakes her head at the fact that she got all gussied up to come over, and that she loves that cute grin I gave her at her expense when she walked through that door that night. It’s the same grin I give everytime we tell that story, now 3 years later.

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12 Responses to “Just to see how it feels”

  1. AFP Says:


    My wife and I met during a tornado near McConnell AFB. No, not The tornado at McConnell AFB (Google it!), but rather a tornado somewhere in Sedgewick County that made setting off the tornado sirens worthwhile.

    Anyhow, I had gone to the shelters like a good airman, got bored (like a typical airman) and went out to the balcony to see what was going on (like, you know, every other airman). Met her out on the balcony, and she was telling me what funnel clouds are supposed to look like since I’ve never seen one (lived in Texas for something like 8 years, lived in Oklahoma for two years, never saw a tornado. I got gipped.)

    Anyhow, that was how we met. I think later on we got together and made a habit of watching musicals (Rocky Horror, Reefer Madness, you know, the classics).


  2. kat Says:

    lolol that’s cute! I always say that my husband was the only one-night-stand I ever had. We met when I was in AIT, he was prior service, I was a new soldier (big no-no). A few months later I was in med-hold (fractured hips, yay!) and he was pulling CQ for my company, it was a weekend and my friends and I were headed out to San Antonio, I was in my civvies. He asked for my number on the way out (bigger no-no), we hung out in San Antonio, then his roommate drove us back to the barracks (the prior service had little two-man rooms with outside entrances) roommate left, and I… spent the night. (really, really big no-no) I thought that that would be that, but he kept calling me. Then later he told me that he had gotten stationed close to my hometown. By that time I was home (would you figure fractured hips don’t heal if you have to walk all the time) and we hooked up a couple more times and the rest, as they say, is history.


  3. Ian M Says:

    You are very very fortunate, which is good. You seem to realize this, which is better.


  4. Jenn Says:

    I met my fiance while technically dating one of his friends :-)
    A few years ago, I reconnected with an old friend, “MM”, and it was just as if no time had passed (about 7 years to be exact) and went to visit him, 3 hours away. While there, I met his friends, and when it was clear my friend and I weren’t making a go romantically (one of those “We’re better as friends/a little too different” type deals), his friend, “MC” swooped in.
    So, fast forward a few months, and I’m up visiting again. I’m hanging out with MC, and MM starts texting, telling us to join them all at the bar. So, we get ready and head out. We meet up with them, and I’m introduced to a bunch of their friends. MC leaves for a moment, and my future fiance is sitting there and says “My GOD you’re hot!”
    We talked, but I had no initial romantic interest, mostly due to his “rock and roll” appearance (kinda on the darker, dramatic side – he’s a singer, so at karaoke at the bar, he likes to get “dressed up”). When I told people about my weekend with MC, I always included my meeting this guy at the bar – mysterious and interesting…
    MC and I never got the ball really rolling, and once I knew it was over, I started talking to my future fiance about it. We became friends, and finally couldn’t deny it – we had fallen hard for each other.
    It’s been a tough go of it, but we’ve been together 2 years in October and looking to be married next Autumn.
    Just like LT Ronald, we both have slightly differing versions and laugh at certain parts, but we still love telling the story to anyone who wants to know. (I also hate asking how other people met – it’s never quite as interesting, eh?)


  5. JMireless Says:

    My wife and I met under the most unusual circumstances. When my boots hit ground in Iraq, I was engaged to a much younger (11 years younger)woman. While I was faithful to the end, I was later to learn that she made it about two weeks after said boots hit ground, before ending up in bed with some other guy. I learned of all this, and more, when I went home for leave a few months later. It was two weeks of non-stop drama, that left me emotionally numb by the time I started my trip back to home-sweet-hellhole. Originally, my plan had been to just throw myself into the whole man-whore thing, and nail any female on my FOB, who’d be willing. By the time I made it back, I’d settled on the idea of simply just letting time and distance do it’s thing. Of course this came on because I had a conversation with some of my buddies in a smoke shack at Ali al-Saleem. While we were all talking, this dude none of us knew jumped into the conversation long enough to let me know that the course of action I was considering wasn’t a good idea. He said that it was self-destructive. I wanted to tell him what he could do with himself, but given that he was wearing ACU’s without nametape or rank, and greeted questions about his rank with, “Does it matter?”, I figured going off on him wouldn’t be a good idea. So, I refocused, and instead refused to take a single day off from work when I finally got back to my FOB. For a month and a half, I managed to keep my NCOIC off my back, while working seven days a week. She finally had to order me to take a day off. During this time, I was on Tagged.com. I was still in the whole, “Girl’s are icky” phase of my recovery, so when we met through Tagged, I just saw that I was making a new friend. She was coming out of a bad marriage, and was at the same point I was. When we met, it was online, but neither of us was looking. If anything, it was a chance for us both to just be completely pissed off at the world, while talking to someone who understood. We spent the last 6 months of my deployment talking, and getting to know eachother. Needless to say, when we finally did get into a relationship, it was like we’d always known eachother. To this day, I still marvel at the fact that we have this wonderful partnership, and such a good friend, all rolled up into one. Seems like, no matter what goes wrong, she’s there to tell me it’s gonna ba alright, and that I’m making too much of the situation. Anyways, that’s my how-we-met story.


    LT Ronald reply on August 9th, 2010 6:48 am:

    This was a good “bad time turned good story”. My fiance was also 10 months out of a bad marraige and pretty much doing what I was doing, when we met.


    JMireless reply on August 15th, 2010 12:56 pm:

    Yeah. The joys of the newly single, and their jacked up ways of dealing with the pain. LOL Oh, I was a huge mess for months after. I needed the 6 months that followed, to recover. I’m glad for the time and distance I got.


  6. ltc_insane Says:

    “Sir, I need your help. Can you play wing-man for me? I’ve got this piece of action going on out here in the other room, and I really need your help running interference with her friend. Trust me, it’ll be worth your while.”

    What’s a good LT to do?

    lol truly this is the way Lt’s should be ;)


  7. Andrew Says:

    I think I’ve posted my “how I met my wife” story here. If not, I’ll get to it later.


  8. Epic Wizard Says:

    I’m still in college, no married yet (or even close) yada so no stories yet XD

    Now. How drunk did you have to get your CO to get promoted to Lt? XD


  9. sra Says:

    my husband and i were “guy friends” and we ended up getting each other drunk one night. what can i say.. good ideas and all that.


  10. Strings Says:

    I met Spoon through a mutual friend, who promptly warned her to stay away from me because I was “no good” and a “man whore”.

    We talked here and there over the next couple months, becoming fairly good friends. And things went from there.

    We were dating for a couple years, and have been married for 10. So we must be doing SOMETHING right!


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