Rapture!
So evidently today was the Rapture. As can be seen at this very professional looking website. The guy has pictures, and videos and graphs. He even does math to prove that Sept 21st, 2009 is the date that the rapture will occur. And you just can’t argue with math.
Now this hasn’t really effected my day in the slightest. Which shouldn’t really surprise anybody as I am not, nor have I ever been a Christian.
But given that about 60-80% of Americans are, I must say I was surprised by the amount of traffic on the roads.
The only conclusion that I can draw is that a whole bunch of folks weren’t as pious as they may have liked.
If you are a Christian and actually reading this, I gotta say, ouch. It must suck to find out like this.
I mean, look at this graph.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Wow, just wow. But forgive me for resuming normal activity as though nothing is happening. :D
September 21st, 2009 at 11:00 pm
The LOrd says No One including teh Son will know the time…
September 21st, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Don’t mind if I do.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:09 pm
man… here i was expecting a blondie joke… oh well back to drinking and enjoying the apparent wrath of god, so anti-climactic. to be perfectly honest unless it starts with some truly old testament shit like raining frogs or fire and brimstone i’m just gonna ignore crazy religious nut jobs. unless of course they put them in the zoo… i’d pay for that. they’re just adorable.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Hmmm… I’ve not been swept up in a wave of rapturous glory to Heaven. Time to get drunk and prepare for the end times, I guess.
Or, I’ll just get drunk.
Captcha: The wields – The what wields what? I wield the bottle? Yes, yes I do…
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:12 am
My favorite line, “The Lord revealed to Isaac Newton, that Jesus would return 49 years from the date that Israel once again has control of Jerusalem”
Issac Newton? Really?
“In a manuscript he wrote in 1704 in which he describes his attempts to extract scientific information from the Bible, he estimated that the world would end no earlier than 2060. In predicting this he said, “This I mention not to assert when the time of the end shall be, but to put a stop to the rash conjectures of fanciful men who are frequently predicting the time of the end, and by doing so bring the sacred prophesies into discredit as often as their predictions fail.”
– Wikipedia
Seems Sir Newton had differing opinions from what he is “quoted” as having on that web site.
I love idiots. They entertain me.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:13 am
Um… did that guy specify what time the Rapture would be taking place? Because it’s like, 3pm here and I’m noticing a distinct lack of people ascending to heaven.
I mean, I’m a filthy chaos-worshiping heathen, so obviously that counts me out, and my neighbourhood has a large Buddhist population, but there’s also a fairly sizable church up the road, and the most I have noticed is that the nigh-apocalyptic wind and rain we’ve been experiencing lately has let up a bit.
That reminds me… better go hang the washing out. I’d hate for the End Times to get here, and me without any clean undies…
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:20 am
fortunately for all of us sane people these nut jobs will always be finding patterns to support what they believe.
Hell theres a direct connection between ice cream consumption and drownings if you plot it on a graph.
Rather than take facts and compare them all to find out what they prove people seem hardwired to take what they want to prove and then set out looking for information to prove it.
Bonus points to whoever knows how ice cream and drownings are related.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:51 am
This is one of the reasons religion is dumb. Although if this now means that everybody left on earth is stuck in th final battle between good and evil I’m pretty sure we could tip the scales. Plus there should be some zombies in this somewhere…..
Captcha: 12 Stand – that’s a pretty good zombie killing group
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:06 am
I think it actually said by the end of the 23rd at least. (I’m avoiding homework, so I read parts of it, sue me) I was highly amused by their ‘disappointment’ that their 2008 calculation was wrong.
As it is, I’ll keep being the evil little pagan that I am. Though I reserve to change my mind if I’m staring a starving three headed dog in the eye.
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:58 am
Hey,
Im a christian but still don’t believe this shit. Please don’t put us all in the same bag as those nutters.
Cheers!
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:08 am
Let me guess…
The season with the highest ice cream consumed also happens to be the season with the most people in the water (pools, lakes, etc.)?
Captcha: battled Jeanette…what ya gotta do to get that damn ice cream
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:11 am
it can be as simple as the difference between counting straight numbers or comparing percentages of population.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:13 am
The starving 3-headed dog guarding the gates to the underworld is Greek/Roman religion.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:18 am
Uh, wow…I…you know some people should be banned from having websites, that religious freak is one of them…definitely one of them.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:22 am
Actually, I got to say, I cheaked out the math, ran a couple of derivatives on it, and it cheaks out. The guy is dead on. And he plotted the Time-Wave of History perfectly. Also, the colors were very convincing. Plus I saw a triple rainbow this morning. So I guess I better go steal me a Bible and read up, lest I get left behind when everyone goes down to Heaven. Up, I mean up to Heaven.
Fuck it, Ale and Whores for everyone! Lets party ’till Apophis comes around for another pass and kills us all!
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:56 am
That guy’s math is ok, personally I track the rapture using this handy index http://raptureready.com/rap2.html. That way I’m never caught off guard.
Captcha: special release-something we could all use a little more of
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:14 am
Greco-Roman or not, coming face to face with a starving and slobbering three headed dog would have me thinking religious thought…..and probably soiling my underwear.
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:16 am
Nothing to worry about if you are prepared, I always carry a few dog biscuits.
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:14 am
so your telling me gods gonna drop an emp bomb?
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:02 am
For the record, Cerberus was only there to keep people from leaving the underworld. As long as you are going in, your fine.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:03 am
You know, personally, I can think of worse things to do than spend a little time in the Elysium Fields until my next incarnation.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:10 am
yeah…. about that… can I get back to work? I need to do… stuff….. and erhm yea I will just leave all of that rapture thing to the Pro’s
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:43 am
I’ve seen sites like that before! The people that own them have a weird habit of posting the entire thing onto Pagan message boards. (which the mods delete the pics and vids out of so slower computers can actually load).
What I still find funny, and not to piss off any Christians, is that people like this have been saying “The end/rapture is nigh! REPENT!” for the last 2000 years or so. What makes them think its going to happen now, if ever. Or that anybody that’s not part of their group is going to read the 190 pages of it?
*goes to steal a bible to catch up on it* :p
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:48 am
I bet he forgot to carry the one and got the date wrong.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:19 am
It’s not christians we’re making fun of, it’s religious freaks, hindu, taoist, anything. You’re good, unless you happen to want to put up a website predicting the end of the world, then you’re free game. ^_^
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 am
Skippy, you got out just in time… according to the website, Phoenix is going to be nuked!!!
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 am
How would anyone be able to tell?
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 am
I have to agree with hardnose. Christians have been predicting the return of God within the next few decades for several centuries. But it says in the bible no one will know the time. Therefore, the only thing we can be sure of is that it WON’T happen when someone predicts it.
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 am
Cerebus, three headed dog, guardian of the Underworld. I thought it had suitable undertones.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Exactly. Even JESUS doesn’t know when it will happen. Only God the Father.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:18 pm
*sigh* Christians like that make the rest of us look badly. Judging us by them is like judging everyone who happens to be Caucasian by the KKK.
Why they are wrong: “Now, brothers, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.” 1 Thessalonians 5:1-3. “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” Mark 13:32 AND Matthew 24:36. So, all in all, using “clues” hidden in the Bible to try and figure out when the Rapture will happen is pure foolishness. I mean, if only the Father knows, that means no one else knows, or will know until after it happened.
And that site also had a major failure: Quoting the Bible out of context. (I would’ve quoted in context, but I didn’t want to create a ridiculously long post for you all to read through.)
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:04 pm
His name is Fluffy :)
Captcha: Weston beatific – OK that’s just freaky. I’m pseudo-religious twaddle in a town called Weston. Skippy? What’s going on?
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Well, I’m a Christian. That bloke is a lunatic with, like most lunatics, way too much time on his hands.
This is the information superhighway. Stay above 40, with the windows rolled up.
Captcha: cobblers that – I see Captcha agrees.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
But then where would we find such a wealth of fodder for our amusement.
Captcha family begone- yet another name for the Rapture by those who will be left behind
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Unless you’re not dead. If I recall, Orpheus had to come up with a few tricks to get past Cerberus.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Seriously. Then we’d have nothing else to do but pick on eacho–oh, we do that anyway. Nevermind.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I originally read that as “emo” bomb. The horror.
Captcha: “104.8 bessel.” Your one-stop radio station for Fallout Boy, Panic! At the Disco, Evanescence and My Chemical Romance. All emo, all the time.”
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:29 pm
To be fair, most of us non-Christians don’t think lunatics like this guy represent you.
But he is funny, in a haha, don’t let him have anything sharp kind of way.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Hahaha! Life imitating art imitating life!
http://home.flash.net/~evt/cardgame.htm
I suppose it’s not surprising that a whack-job conspiracy theorist would latch on to a card game based on whack-job conspiracy theories as evidence of the existence of those conspiracies. Still, LOL.
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:37 am
Just thought you might find this a giggle, the day after this was predicted in Australia we have flash flooding in Pearth, earthquakes in Melbourne and a dust storm covering the better part of Queensland / New South Wales. Ironic really.
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:50 am
That makes no sense. How can Jesus not know? He’s God too, isn’t he? That Holy Trinity thing which is still somehow monothest, not to mention the Angels and Saints. So the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Unless we’re delving into multiple personality disorder, and wouldn’t our Lord and Creator be above such inperfection?
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:55 am
And of course its SJGames, the Holy Order that gave us GURPS and Munchkin.
Next they’re going to say Nuclear War by Flying Buffalo Inc. (FBI) is secretly a training simulator for when the Cold War heats up or something.
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:40 am
Well, we’d still have the timecube.
http://www.timecube.com/
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:45 am
Well X-day was July 5, 1998. But it was covered up by the conspiracy.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:04 am
Ow, my head.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:50 am
I don’t understand it all. It’s beyond my, scratch that, our ken. All I know is, Angels are just beings God made to do his will, and (since I ain’t Catholic[yes, I, a hardcore Christian am considered a heretic by the Catholic Church because I’m Lutheran :D]) I don’t buy into all that praying to the Saints and Mary deal.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:50 am
Well of course it’s entertaining. I just find it annoying. Really annoying.
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:10 pm
I agree with Stonewolf, Ow my head. No grasp of basic grammar or web design.
Captcha: the tollgate- I wish there had been one for the timecube, I would have turned around
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I’ve always joked I could sleep through it. Maybe I was right?
September 24th, 2009 at 3:08 am
It all started with the Ashes… ;)
captcha: good sided – Well, we were at any rate.
September 24th, 2009 at 11:12 am
My personal favorite part of that whole website is at the very very very bottom:
“Next Page”
There’s MORE?!
September 25th, 2009 at 8:54 am
See, it’s guys like this that give us Christians a bad name. He can’t even design a decent web page to go with his schizophrenic ramblings.
September 26th, 2009 at 3:14 am
careful that guy has a flow chart ha ha ha
September 28th, 2009 at 7:01 am
Classic example of what happens when you let the voices in your head do web design.
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