Just Returned Home
I just returned home after visiting my family. I’ve had very little sleep, my plane was delayed a whole bunch, and I got to fly for several hours near to a baby who had evidently just witnessed the rape and murder of Santa Claus judging from the amount of screaming.
So instead of carefully reading all of the submissions for the Monday morning list update, I’m just going to select one at random, and post it without reading it whatsoever. I may get my wife to proofread it tomorrow or something, but it just seems like too much work tonight, I’m going to sleep now.
Skippy, your list is awesome. I wrote down a list of dumb things ive done in the navy
and those around me have done. Theres a lot that we got away with, this is just what
we got caught doing
Lockenators list of things i (and others) cant do in the navy anymore
1) not allowed to do donuts in the duty truck
2) even if its dark out and nobodys in the parking lot
3) especially if my license is suspended
4) not allowed to tell chief that his face is a cockpit. even if he says it first
5) especially over the 1mc (intercom)
6) not allowed to do the macarena, the funky chicken, or the hokey pokey
while directing a plane launch
7) not allowed to use assumed names on official documents like tool logs
8) not allowed to tell new check-ins that they need to find a box of “A1R”
9) not allowed to walk barefoot into the hangar with a guitar and a bottle of
captain morgans
10) not allowed to run through hanger in boxer shorts
11) not allowed to wear flight suit thats 3 sizes too small complaing about
growth spurts
12) not allowed to tell pilots that im steve irwin back from the dead to launch
their plane to the heavens
13) not allowed to take pictures of female pilots in bikinis and post on
craigs list as hookers
14) cant call french pilots “flying frogs”
15) cant mention waterloo around the french either
16) cant make a bi-polar meter for chief
17) cant call chief “mother f*cking khaki”
18) cant crap in shipmates boots
19) cant refer to hull technicians as “turd chasers”
20) cant refer to boatswains mates as “bowel movements”
21) cant send drunk booters out around base to find enlightenment
22) cant put “hero of the wastes” on evaluation as accomplishment
23) cant put “built 2 story beer bong” as accomplishment
24) cant try to ask out chiefs daughter over his phone
25) not allowed to refer to galley food as poisoned alpo
26) not allowed to put naked pictures of freinds wife on background of
computer
27) not allowed to use flight deck radio to talk seductively to maintenence
control
28) a C-2a greyhound is not a “party bus of the sky”
29) not allowed to throw fruit out of the ramp of the bird to try to hit objects below
30) not allowed to hang out of the back of the ramp to take a dump
31) the COs flight suit is not the “king pickle skin”
32) master chief is not to be referred to as “the great satan”
33) not allowed to make stickers that reference petty officer shitting himself
34) not allowed to call people “waste of life” and tell them to kill themselves
35) not allowed to fill camelbak® with vodka and Gatorade
36) not allowed to put naked girl stickers on cranial
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December 1st, 2008 at 6:10 am
RE #24: yeah, that’s a bad one…. in fact, it’s better if you don’t even TRY to ask out the daughter of any chief you’re working for: it just gets him cranky, at work AND at home!
(How do I know? a)Dad was a master chief, and a submarine COB, at that; and b)I’m one of the chief’s five daughters.. Lemme tell ya, he got REALLY cranky during the years we were all in our teens!)
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LouisCQ reply on December 1st, 2008 1:43 pm:
Sooo, wanna go to dinner? ;-)
Captcha~ California Shots
they still allow those?
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paula reply on December 1st, 2008 7:24 pm:
(looks around really really carefully, to see if the Chief is watching…..)
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December 1st, 2008 at 6:53 am
#23 is quaint, but it pales in comparison to the THREE story beer bong my friends and I made in college.
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December 1st, 2008 at 7:32 am
#22: Sounds like someone plays Fallout. :)
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December 1st, 2008 at 9:28 pm
I’m pretty sure reasons #1-3 are why my ex always got stuck driving the duty van. (That, and he was the only one who never wrecked it.)
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December 2nd, 2008 at 10:32 pm
I know you missed some… and realize that this is being said from a Nuke’s perspective:
– If there is someone duct-taped to the overhead, just ignore it. Nukes don’t appreciate you messing with their playthings.
– Not allowed to mock those on the messdecks playing Dominos (“Domino, mutha-f***a!”)
– Not allowed to send NUBs to the Bosun’s locker for a Bosun’s punch.
– Not allowed to send NUBs to feed the shaft seals.
– Not allowed to put NUBs on mail buoy watch (we did this with an ET2 nuke… managed to get the XO in on the joke with that one)
– Not allowed to send NUBs to the Chief Engineer to ask for the sea chest keys (I fell for this one… was standing right in front of the cheng, was about to ask him for them, then realized what the heck I was about to ask him for.)
– If you do get electrocuted, the proper response is “I just got shocked”, not “Ouch, that’s sharp!”, just because you don’t want to go to the doc and fill out tons of paperwork about why you got electrocuted. (Yes, this happens all the time, usually to electricians who should know better)
– SWIMS is an acronym for radiological spill containment, NOT for getting out of any trouble you might be blamed for (Stop, Walk away, Instigate others, Make-up story, Stick with story)
– When you are at general quarters and a mock Cessna is bombing your ship to smithereens with gas bombs, thus forcing you into MOPP gear, it is not proper to suggest that they “Light up the CIWS!” to remove the intruder, despite that being the best thing that could be done. No, the master-at-arms folks need to train in the use of the two M-60’s that can be mounted topside.
– The backs of label plates should be clean and never removed from the gear they are labelling… not covered in graffiti and bad three letter acronyms like “FTN” (Yes, I attended a masting for this one.)
– If you happen to be attending a mast for the above, you are not to pull off label plates on the ship’s bridge in order to write things on them (Yes, I watched this happen as well)
– If you write a letter to your girlfriend calling her every name in the book, put it in the box at 6pm on the ship, then go out and get drunk and return to San Diego Naval Station and try to retrieve your letter from the post office by breaking in, at least try to get into the right post office (the one on the ship) and not the one on base where your letter hasn’t had a chance to arrive yet.
– Water tight doors are there for a reason, and are not to be removed because “They get in the way when I want to hit my pit!”
– If chief says “trust me” after something he says, be suspicious.
– “Shim for Jesus” is not the proper terminology when retracting control rods in the reactor.
– The computer in the office is to be used for important things, like Chief’s game of minesweeper. Your need to look up PMS documentation can wait.
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SrA Crew Dawg reply on December 5th, 2008 7:37 pm:
Only the navy has PMS documentaion….
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December 5th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Here’s a few more from the realm of the flight line.
– Not allowed to cross myself after signaling next marshaller to the pilot. It really freaks them out.
– Not allowed to “hot-shot” tires with the high pressure hose since the FNG at spangdahlem blew him self to bits.
– Not allowed to lock the pilot’s shoulder harness retractor.
– Even if he still hasn’t paid up his beer debt for blowing out a tire on the second day of the tyndall tdy.
– Not allowed to refer to a certain pilot as CPT Goodyear anymore. He is still a Pilot, and we are but lowly crew cheifs.
– Not allowed to bring coke bottles onto the flightline anymore.
– Even if it did turn the exhaust really cool colors after being ingested by the engine.
– Must actually check down the intake during launch. it would have been really bad if that guy hadn’t made it out before the engine spooled up.
– Not allowed to yell obsenities about the pilot during launch anymore unless I’m absolutly sure my headset isn’t hot miked.
– Not allowed to yell obsenities about the pilot even if I am sure my headset isn’t hot miked, because he can still see me.
– Not allowed to say “What was that noise?” just before disconnecting mt headset after the launch inspection is complete. It does not inspire the pilot’s confidence in me.
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December 9th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
also beer+camelback= bad times when you might have to run anywhere… the foam fountain when you try to take a drink is an istant giva away… especially when it hits your commander… in front of your entire chain of command.
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March 17th, 2014 at 2:26 pm
– If there is someone duct-taped to the overhead, just ignore it. Nukes don’t appreciate you messing with their playthings.
I need to hear the story behind this!
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