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Archive for November 19th, 2008

Animal Kingdom Gone Wild

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

So the other day I managed to find a new story that I just had to share with all of my regular readers.

Australia has a problem.  And a serious one at that.

Lesbian Koalas.

Because I know that your brain is probably choking on that idea I will repeat it.



Before I go any further, take a moment to reflect on how unlikely you were to hear that particular phrase today.

Also, lesbian koala is really fun to say.

But it gets better.  It seems to that the lesbian behavior is triggered by being caged.  Sort of like a women behind bars flick on Cinemax.  Except with koalas.

And when they go sapphic, they don’t mess around.  They form big piles, sometimes up to five at a time.  While hanging from poles.  Which come to think of it, is still just like a Cinemax movie.

But the best part of the article is the scientists trying to figure out why they do it.

“One theory put forward by the researchers is that the females do it to attract males”

Basically a koala is just like coeds on spring break.  Except without the near toxic levels of alcohol, crippling daddy-issues, or constant threat of fraternity rape.  And they are slightly less likely to be exploited by Joe Francis.

And from an evolutionary standpoint it would explain the ears.  They’re basically furry pistol grips to stop the eater from escaping before the eatee is finished.  To understand why this might be a concern you simply need to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary.

Koala:  Noun. A tree dwelling Australian marsupial that eats bush and leaves.

Bonus points: If Joe Franics was to make a lesbian koala movie or website what would it be called?  So far I’ve come up with Hot Eucalyptus Bitches, Rug-Munching Marsupials, and Abbey Winters.