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Archive for November 30th, 2008

Just Returned Home

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

I just returned home after visiting my family. I’ve had very little sleep, my plane was delayed a whole bunch, and I got to fly for several hours near to a baby who had evidently just witnessed the rape and murder of Santa Claus judging from the amount of screaming.

So instead of carefully reading all of the submissions for the Monday morning list update, I’m just going to select one at random, and post it without reading it whatsoever. I may get my wife to proofread it tomorrow or something, but it just seems like too much work tonight, I’m going to sleep now.

Skippy, your list is awesome. I wrote down a list of dumb things ive done in the navy
and those around me have done. Theres a lot that we got away with, this is just what
we got caught doing

Lockenators list of things i (and others) cant do in the navy anymore

1) not allowed to do donuts in the duty truck

2) even if its dark out and nobodys in the parking lot

3) especially if my license is suspended

4) not allowed to tell chief that his face is a cockpit. even if he says it first

5) especially over the 1mc (intercom)

6) not allowed to do the macarena, the funky chicken, or the hokey pokey
while directing a plane launch

7) not allowed to use assumed names on official documents like tool logs

8) not allowed to tell new check-ins that they need to find a box of “A1R”

9) not allowed to walk barefoot into the hangar with a guitar and a bottle of
captain morgans

10) not allowed to run through hanger in boxer shorts

11) not allowed to wear flight suit thats 3 sizes too small complaing about
growth spurts

12) not allowed to tell pilots that im steve irwin back from the dead to launch
their plane to the heavens

13) not allowed to take pictures of female pilots in bikinis and post on
craigs list as hookers

14) cant call french pilots “flying frogs”

15) cant mention waterloo around the french either

16) cant make a bi-polar meter for chief

17) cant call chief “mother f*cking khaki”

18) cant crap in shipmates boots

19) cant refer to hull technicians as “turd chasers”

20) cant refer to boatswains mates as “bowel movements”

21) cant send drunk booters out around base to find enlightenment

22) cant put “hero of the wastes” on evaluation as accomplishment

23) cant put “built 2 story beer bong” as accomplishment

24) cant try to ask out chiefs daughter over his phone

25) not allowed to refer to galley food as poisoned alpo

26) not allowed to put naked pictures of freinds wife on background of

27) not allowed to use flight deck radio to talk seductively to maintenence

28) a C-2a greyhound is not a “party bus of the sky”

29) not allowed to throw fruit out of the ramp of the bird to try to hit objects below

30) not allowed to hang out of the back of the ramp to take a dump

31) the COs flight suit is not the “king pickle skin”

32) master chief is not to be referred to as “the great satan”

33) not allowed to make stickers that reference petty officer shitting himself

34) not allowed to call people “waste of life” and tell them to kill themselves

35) not allowed to fill camelbak® with vodka and Gatorade

36) not allowed to put naked girl stickers on cranial