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How to get away with murder

November 10th, 2008 by todd merriman

Here in Texas, drugs they have a rule called the Castle Doctrine, viagra buy which says if someone tries to break into your house, order you don’t have to run away. You can just kill them. It looks good on paper, but I wonder if it doesn’t make it too easy to just call up somebody you don’t like and invite them over.

“Hey man, yeah. Look, we’ve had our differences over the years and I’d like to settle things once and for all. So come on over. I’ll put on a pot of coffee and we’ll talk things out. Oh hey, just so you know, the place is a little messy and the front door lock is stuck, so don’t bother knocking. I’ll leave a window open for you. You can just climb on in. What’s that? Should you bring anything? Well, how considerate! Yeah, bring an axe. You know, so we can bury it.”

If you ever need to get rid of a body, just drive to a stranger’s house and tell them you’re with the phone company. This little white lie will buy you an hour of undisturbed digging in their back yard. Plus, if you go to an old lady’s house, she’ll invite you in for lemonade when you’re done.

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45 Responses to “How to get away with murder”

  1. nate the great Says:

    First. Wow… just wow.


  2. Knocturn Says:

    Doesn’t dumping the body go against legally killing someone? I mean you surely wouldn’t need to lose it, the police would take it away as evidence or to the morgue.


    Stickfodder reply on November 11th, 2008 1:27 am:

    Well it’s just more fun to hide the body.


    SpaZzy reply on November 12th, 2008 12:49 pm:

    I can imagine that being a game schoolchildren would play. That goes up there with “Ring ‘Round the Rosie.”



  3. Fairest of All Says:

    It is the same in Georgia and in Pennsylvannia last time I lived there. I pity who ever shows up at my house wanting to do some thing bad.
    And consider what a service it is to our over loaded court system!
    Bad Guy/Girl in your house? Done. Off the streets for good.
    Thats why I think we would be better off if Bin Laden
    just disappeared at the bottom of one of those caves. No big trial with Berkley types saying how misunderstood he is……
    problem solved


  4. AriesOmega Says:

    I think Colorado has it too. I think they call it the “make my day” law though. I remember something about “Sir! Please step onto the tile in the kitchen…blood is a bitch to get out of carpet”.


  5. Stonewolf Says:

    As I remember it Vermont has a similar law. Personally I like. As opposed to all the other places where if someone breaks in you are supposed to hide and be a good little victim. But if you engage the invader you get sued. As to the abuse scenario merriman laid out, as fun as that might be I think any competent court could deal effectively with it.


  6. M578 Jockey Says:

    I was with a friend when a sheriff outside Ft. Polk, Louisiana told him if he shot a home invader, just make sure you don’t blow him off the porch with the shot gun. If you do, drag him back so you don’t get in trouble.


    Fairest of All reply on November 12th, 2008 5:59 am:



  7. Speed Says:

    In North Carolina the State Highway Patrol guys tell us that if you kill them, you’d better stick an ashtray or some silverware in their pocket. Ditto on the dragging them back inside too.

    My big mutt-dogs scare must of the punks away, so it’s all academic.


  8. kat Says:

    Washington has a law like that too. In fact, a couple days ago a man was brought to our ER who broke into a house and the owner threw him through a plate glass window. After that he ran into a blackberry bramble, got attacked by a police dog and got clocked over the head by a mag light (after he took a swing at a cop). He pretty much looked like raw meat by the time we got him.


  9. Dave in NC Says:

    That’s why my favorite show right now is K9 Cops on Animal Planet. Why don’t criminals take the cop seriously when they yell “come out or you WILL be bit”?


  10. Andrew Says:

    After a little research California, New York, Illinios, Missouri, and Minnisota are the only states I found without a “kill ’em when they aer invading your home” clause. Califonia and New York are the only states where it is against the law to shoot a person in defence of a stranger. And Alaska and Texas have the most lenient laws for killing invaders. In Alaska and Texas they only have to be on your property. In Texas it is required that you do not shoot to kill unless neccissary. In Alaska a verbal waning is all that is neccissary, then you can gun em down any way you like.


    Mike reply on November 11th, 2008 3:01 pm:

    You betcha by golly “wink”


    Dave reply on November 11th, 2008 11:19 pm:

    We had a case like that here in Alaska not too long ago. Some idiots broke into a church, which is also the pastor’s residence. Which he defended with a gun. One of the bungling burglers took his dose of lead in the back, while fleeing, but since he dropped on the property it was scored as self defense. Seen a few cases like that over the years. Guy goes to rob a liquor store. Owner doesn’t think so. Robber flees, but can’t get the door open fast enough so owner blasts him through it.


    Jim A reply on November 12th, 2008 11:48 am:

    Although there was a case in Maryland a few years ago where the owner of a jewlery store chased an armed robber down the street and gunned him down at a stoplight. ISTR alot of debate about that one.

    Captcha: farms sober –If I was trapped on a farm, I sure as heck couldn’t stay sober.


    SallyJoeBobbySue...Smith reply on November 13th, 2008 9:22 am:

    In Missouri we don’t have the specific “kill em” law but we do have one that says you can protect your property with force. In rural areas we interpret that the mean the same as the other laws. Of course no one will usually break into a home in rural Missouri because there’s always the chance that once you’re inside you’ll hear dueling banjo music and someone will compliment your pretty mouth.


    Adrian reply on September 10th, 2009 11:50 pm:

    In Florida we have what is called the “Stand Your Ground” Law. One of my absolute faves:

    “The Florida law is a self-defense, self-protection law. It has four key components:

    * It establishes that law-abiding residents and visitors may legally presume the threat of bodily harm or death from anyone who breaks into a residence or occupied vehicle and may use defensive force, including deadly force, against the intruder.

    * In any other place where a person “has a right to be,” that person has “no duty to retreat” if attacked and may “meet force with force, including deadly force if he or she reasonably believes it is necessary to do so to prevent death or great bodily harm to himself or herself or another to prevent the commission of a forcible felony.”

    * In either case, a person using any force permitted by the law is immune from criminal prosecution or civil action and cannot be arrested unless a law enforcement agency determines there is probable cause that the force used was unlawful.

    * If a civil action is brought and the court finds the defendant to be immune based on the parameters of the law, the defendant will be awarded all costs of defense.”


  11. shawn Says:

    I really hope this is tongue in cheek.

    Castle doctrine is the only protection we have if some criminal tries to break into our home to do harm to me and my family. It means that the state wont try to send you to jail just for protecting you family.


    TeratoMarty reply on November 11th, 2008 9:28 am:

    Shawn, sweetie, did you read ANY of the rest of this site?


    shawn reply on November 12th, 2008 11:35 am:

    yeah i know it was probably was tongue in cheek. Just wanted to make sure people know castle doctrine is not just a way for someone to be a vigilante. It is only for protecting your life and your families life.


    Fairest of All reply on November 12th, 2008 6:09 am:

    what if he threatens a person who can not defend himself? Are you going to watch that? I’m not.
    um, does not have a weapon, old, small,young,most women and men who not react well to sudden threatening situations.
    sounds like you are pretty much covered if you can do something about it.
    I promise you however to act with some forbearance.
    Shooting bad guys is not a sport…yet.
    Last time I was threatened,I used my cell phone camera on him.It worked ,done.


    shawn reply on November 12th, 2008 11:36 am:

    I dont really understand what you mean. Am I going to watch what?


  12. C Sherman Says:

    M578 Jockey & Speed (sounds like a movie title!),

    No need to drag ’em. “I told him to stop, and he reached behind his back. It was hard to see and I thought he had a weapon. I WAS AFRAID HE WAS GOING TO KILL ME!” Case closed, goblin is gone.

    “In fear for my life” is justification for deadly force anywhere…as long as you aren’t being attacked by a circus clown with a balloon sword. Well, maybe even then…



  13. Skye Says:

    Especially when your father is a retired Marine and both you AND your mother are competition shooters. I pity the poor idiot who tries to break into our house. Well…if our Rottie Cerberus doesn’t get to ’em first.

    Captcha: truck out…what to do with the body of the poor baster who tried to break in.


  14. Jim C Says:

    Growing up in PA we only had 6 guns in the house. I had an uncle who collected rifles. He had over 100. Another neighbor collected handguns, he had around 50. I am sure there were some old widows who weren’t armed, but I wouldn’t count on it.

    Oddly enough no one broke into occupied homes. Oh yeah the nearest police were state troopers at the county seat about 45 minutes away. A few larger town had part time town constables, but their jurisdiction ended at the edge of the township.

    As the saying goes “when seconds count, the police are onyl minutes away”.


  15. Sgt. Spooky Says:

    In florida we have castle doctrine as well, however they have extended its protection from just in the home to while you are driving your car, (probobly becouse of too many car jackings in south florida. So now i have not only the 12-guage by the bed at night but a .45-.410 revolver in the truck….you know, just in case.

    Captcha: confusion son- My reaction when dad first tried to tell me about the birds and bees…..


    Mike reply on November 11th, 2008 3:08 pm:

    As Todd was saying, invite that person you don’t like for a drive. Borrow your brother-in-law’s car, you don’t want blood stains in yours.


    Brian Rice reply on November 12th, 2008 7:38 am:

    Here in georgia it has been extended to the car as well. but i think they call it the home protection act and they see the car as an extention of your home so i have a Springfield XD .45 in the car and an AR by the bed with being nationally rank as a marksman with both guns by the NRA i feel sorry for any idiot who tries to break in my house. Plus my dad is an ex ranger and my roommate is a marine black ops so ive been trained by the best. im good


  16. Phelps Says:

    Meh. That’s pansy crap. If you invite them over after dark, they don’t even have to come in. You can use lethal force on trespassers after dark in Texas.

    You people act like this is a big deal. “An armed society is a police society.” Don’t be such an asshole that people want to invite you over just to kill you.


  17. paula Says:

    I read something this summer about the cops in England telling people NOT TO LOCK thier sheds and such: if the homeowner DOES lock his own shed, apparently the cops now consider it his own fault if a shed/barn/whatever gets damaged when some jackass is breaking and entering! (And heaven help you if you were to hurt the poor lil’ criminal !)


    JessEm reply on November 11th, 2008 7:31 pm:

    That’s inaccurate, I’m afraid. It’s true that in some places in the UK, people are advised to leave their outbuildings open, but mainly because a locked shed is a temptation to wasters. It’ll get broken into just because it’s locked. No lock, no problem.

    And the reason that you’re not supposed to shoot intruders over here is because you’re not actually supposed to own a gun.


    Stickfodder reply on November 11th, 2008 8:38 pm:

    What about a cross bow?


    Fairest of All reply on November 12th, 2008 6:14 am:

    or a nice old fashioned long bow?
    dont ya’ll have those nice yew trees anymore?
    find a nice Boy Scout and pay him to make you one.
    i’ll bet he can do it.

    JessEm reply on November 12th, 2008 4:48 pm:

    You know, in the city I live in, it is still legal, due to some bizarre quirk of the law, to shoot a Frenchman within the city walls with a longbow.

    So in answer to your question, yes, you can use a longbow, but only on French people.

    Anonymous and STILL Employed reply on November 12th, 2008 1:21 pm:

    That’s bull. True our legal system is screwed over here, but I never heard that one. We got a semi-castle law recently where if somebody threatens you inside the property line you can use “reasonable force” (although you’ll probably get sued anyway despite the fact if the guy had a chance he’d put you in a coma) But, of course, this is only if somebody gets the police involved, which Mr Bad Guy won’t do unless he thinks he can get money out of it.


    GBlair reply on November 16th, 2008 4:33 am:

    “A burgler getting injured while robbing someone is an occupational hazard your honour.”

    Might work.


  18. Mike Says:

    Captcha: Street Fingerman – The witness to the shooting or a new sex trade.


  19. Dave in NC Says:

    As Jeff Foxworthy said:

    “8 cars out front, 6 dogs under the porch, that’s a house where a GUN lives.”


  20. M578 Jockey Says:

    I knew someone in Massachusetts of all places, who had someone break in and while the intruder was on his way upstairs, the homeowner used his 9mm to send him back down stairs, permanently. The homeowner and his family were questioned at the scene and that was the end of it.

    captcha: discharge martin – the name of the shooter?


  21. Sabra Says:

    Let us not forget that we can shoot to kill in defense of our property as well, not just ourselves. Some yahoo figured that out the hard way when he tried to toss a Molotov cocktail into a tattoo parlor the owner happened to still be in. (And another fellow figured it out in the same manner when he tried breaking into a business the owner lived behind & the dogs started barking.)

    Two fewer bad guys on the streets. Damn I love Texas.


  22. Anonymous and STILL Employed Says:

    I heard that in some states you can walk free if you tell someone EXACTLY how where when and why before you kill them. Sounds pretty screwed to me, for a start you’d have to get the bastard there when he was on his guard. And Apparently in Minnesota if you leave your home or place of work without premeditation you can get away with it. Some guy was petitioning against it online after his best friend was taken out by a trucker.


  23. the intel guy Says:

    In North Carolina, you only shoot them in the act of breaking in. Once they get inside though, it’s game off. You can’t shoot them without catching a homicide case.


  24. the intel guy Says:

    you can only shoot*


  25. Denver Escanlar Says:

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