OK, for all you jar-heads out there I only have 5 words for you…
“I Can’t Feel My Face!”
If you are a Marine and smacked your computer screen, it’s OK. If you are not a marine, never was a marine, and never will be a marine… What the hell were you thinking?!?
Recently I was fortunate enough to be sent to Florida for some advanced career training for the military. This is a joint training course involving all four major branches of the military as well as several foreign militaries. I was fortunate enough to end up with the marines. Now anyone who has gone TDY with marines know, if you are going to drink, take a marine. First of all, they are among the best brawlers in the US and will cover your butt should a brawl break out. Second of all, they know the best bar games. I was introduced to one called, “I can’t feel my face.”
The rules are simple: 1) Drink until you cannot feel your face. 2) Turn to the nearest marine and tell him/her “I can’t feel my face.” 3) The marine then gets to open palm slap you as hard as they possibly can.
If you feel the slap, you lose and must try harder (alcohol) to win. If you don’t feel the slap then you win.
So there I was… In Florida… During spring break… At one of the most popular club/bars in Fort Walton Beach… With a bunch of marines, who were all guys. I was drinking something that, literally, had a 3 drink per person limit, and I was on my fifth. For reference, it was rum. Refer to my previous posts if you want to see the kind of trouble rum and I get into. Needless to say I was feeling slightly hammered when one of the young marines turns to me and screams in my face “I can’t feel my face!” My first thought was… “OK.” Then one of the more experienced marines present introduced me to the game. After finishing my drink and ordering another I turned to the young marine and screamed in his face “I can’t feel my face!”
As a side note here I would like to introduce you to a drink called the Bikini-go-bye-bye. At most establishments there is a 3 drink limit on the consumption of said drink as most lightweight drinkers would suffer severe alcohol poisoning if they drank much more than that. It involves 5 different rums, all of which are highly flammable, and a small amount of passion fruit juice. It’s name is derived from the fact that with most females drinking it, after finishing the first one their bikini tops have a tendency to go bye-bye.
So I woke up a couple minutes later and definitely felt a sting on my left cheek. However after my sixth drink I wasn’t feeling much of anything but drunk and tried again. “I can’t feel my face!” *Smack!* Fortunately I remained conscious and pain free otherwise it may have been a long night. Unfortunately the marine smacked me so hard his hand carried through and hit the elderly lady sitting to my right. After some profuse apologies and a judiciously applied bikini-go-bye-bye she confessed she was a W.A.S.P and understood the games of soldiers completely. The rest of the night is a vague blur and a $297 bar tab.