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Archive for May 17th, 2009

101 Things a Lifeguard Shouldn’t Do

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

(Submitted by Tony)

1) I can no longer refer to my whistle as “an extension of my penis”.
2) I cannot refuse to save a struggling child on the grounds that they are “annoying as all hell”.
3) When I find a dead rat in the strainer, I should not pretend that it is still alive; pretend I’ve been bitten, and then stop swallowing.
4) I should not tell children that a sea monster lives in the deep end.
5) I cannot challenge people to a breath holding contest.
6) I cannot place bets on a breath holding contest, no matter how one-sided it is.
7) Yelling “Kill each other!” is not the proper way to break up a fight.
8) When evacuating the pool for a thunderstorm, I should not tell the most annoying children that they are allowed to keep swimming.
9) The baby pool is not the “piss factory”.
10) When giving people their pool passes, I should hand them only theirs, and not Jason Bourne’s.
11) Nor can I hand them anything saying “McLovin” on it. (more…)