Animal Kingdom Gone Wild
So the other day I managed to find a new story that I just had to share with all of my regular readers.
Australia has a problem. And a serious one at that.
Because I know that your brain is probably choking on that idea I will repeat it.
Lesbian.
Koalas.
Before I go any further, take a moment to reflect on how unlikely you were to hear that particular phrase today.
Also, lesbian koala is really fun to say.
But it gets better. It seems to that the lesbian behavior is triggered by being caged. Sort of like a women behind bars flick on Cinemax. Except with koalas.
And when they go sapphic, they don’t mess around. They form big piles, sometimes up to five at a time. While hanging from poles. Which come to think of it, is still just like a Cinemax movie.
But the best part of the article is the scientists trying to figure out why they do it.
“One theory put forward by the researchers is that the females do it to attract males”
Basically a koala is just like coeds on spring break. Except without the near toxic levels of alcohol, crippling daddy-issues, or constant threat of fraternity rape. And they are slightly less likely to be exploited by Joe Francis.
And from an evolutionary standpoint it would explain the ears. They’re basically furry pistol grips to stop the eater from escaping before the eatee is finished. To understand why this might be a concern you simply need to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary.
Koala: Noun. A tree dwelling Australian marsupial that eats bush and leaves.
Bonus points: If Joe Franics was to make a lesbian koala movie or website what would it be called? So far I’ve come up with Hot Eucalyptus Bitches, Rug-Munching Marsupials, and Abbey Winters.
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November 19th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Dear god I think I just wet my pants
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November 20th, 2008 at 12:18 am
I don’t think that it’s to attract males. In the article it says that they had been known to reject the advances of the males only to go have some fun with other females immediately after.
But I think that somebody has just been letting the koalas watch some late night Cinemax.
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November 20th, 2008 at 3:06 am
Now wonder we have so much trouble breeding them.
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November 20th, 2008 at 5:17 am
Wow… the is something that I didn’t expect. I mean I know about gay bulls and such, but lesbian koalas?!?
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November 20th, 2008 at 6:05 am
Hmm… in my next life I think I am going to come back as a koala.
I can see it now… Kelly the Koala.
captcha: Classy ex-Con (a female koala out of captivity?)
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November 20th, 2008 at 6:13 am
I must remember never to read this website while eating. I nearly inhaled my muffin laughing.
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SSpiffy reply on November 20th, 2008 10:01 am:
Snerk!
You must be REALLY flexible!
/yes, as a matter of fact, my mind is in the gutter.
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Stonewolf reply on November 21st, 2008 1:41 pm:
Damn! I always forget, think, then speak;p
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November 20th, 2008 at 6:35 am
Koalas Gone Wilder?
Captcha: Duncan Winchell- Walter’s less-cool brother?
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November 20th, 2008 at 7:31 am
That may, or may not, explain why they sleep the majority of the time.
Captcha: Mines voted, I know which ones I voted for.
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November 20th, 2008 at 7:42 am
OMG!!! Those were definately two words I never thought I would see together. I have got to stop reading Skippy first thing in the morning. Everyone at my new job thinks I am strange because I bust out laughing first thing most mornings.
Captcha: Childs Literary – Some place ou will never see Lesbian Koalas mentioned.
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November 20th, 2008 at 10:56 am
HOLY.
FREAKIN.
CRAP.
Do you reckon they reject the advances because they’re militant lesbians, or because they’re bitch-whipped lesbians (or both or neither.)
That’s all I can really add to this discussion.
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November 20th, 2008 at 11:10 am
I wonder if the reason they’re lesbian is because they mistake the labias for fruit…
-SpaZzy-
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November 20th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I remember the time my roommate and I determined (By going through all the aisles and counting them) that they had enough “babes behind bars” movies in the video rental place for a separate category. I mean they had more of those than Elvis pics and THEY got a seprate section.
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November 20th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
And here I though rug munching and poo eating* would not go together.
*the feed their partially digested poo to their young.
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November 20th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Maybe it was just another “Lillith Fair Concert?” For “down under?”
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November 21st, 2008 at 12:07 am
Oh good name “Fluffy furry coed’s from down under”
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November 28th, 2008 at 5:13 am
Hilarious. XD Aren’t there koalas elsewhere in the world, though?! Oh. I know. It’s just UQ that will think to study stuff like this. -wry-
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