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Archive for April, 2009

Mom isn’t allowed in the kitchen anymore…

Monday, April 6th, 2009

A pointless story, yet somehow instructive; this is a true story (as will become evident if only because there really isn’t a proper denouement at the end), although, perhaps, slightly exaggerated in places. Some caveats: while the descriptive text may, at times, suffer from mild inaccuracies, the recipe (such as it is) will not; if you should attempt to make this chili at home, be prepared to fend off legions of the barbarian hordes that will arrive on your doorstep just in time for dinner. Also, fix some cornbread and, if you’re sensitive to spicy food, some rice. Finally, be aware that, while I have told this story many times (and embellished it with every telling, no doubt), the punchline is something which I am not positive will translate well through written media. Here’s to hoping, eh?

*****

As everyone and their uncle ought to be aware of by now, I like to cook. This can’t properly be called a tradition, although all the men in my father’s generation also cook. That’s where it stops, though; before my father, the cooking was done by his mother and by her mother before her and on and on as was traditional. When my father came along, he was the first of his siblings (the third of eight!) to show any interest in what went on in the kitchen, and my grandmother imparted much of the secret lore of farm cooks unto him. He learned to bake bread, skin and joint a chicken, mix the perfect pie, and, yes, to make chili. (more…)

Things I Can’t Do As A Purchasing Assistant

Sunday, April 5th, 2009

(Submitted by Kereineko)

1. Not allowed to spend your whole shift active on the internet.
2. Not allowed to bypass the sensors that record active internet usage time.
3. Not allowed to disappear into the factory for hours while not working.
4. Not allowed to try to steal flavors we make to add to your drinks.
5. Not allowed to even if it comes out awesome and ever one wants more.
6. Not allowed to ask to replace you buyer since he’s retarded at his job and a monkey should be able to do but he can’t.
7. Not allowed to ask if you can make capes for your dept.
8. Not allowed to call your boss “captain silly” or “mr. Happy” to mock him.
9. Not allowed to bring in capes that say Mr. Happy or C.S. (captain stupid).
(more…)

Too Far?

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009

So the Pope has stated that he thinks that condoms do nothing to prevent the spread of AIDS.

I think he may have falsely arrived at this conclusion due to the fact that 9 year old boys are typically not a high risk for infection.

Game Developers Conference

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

So last week I got to attend the Game Developers Conference in San Francisco, and thanks again to Michiel for covering for me while I was off doing that.

While I was there I jotted down some notes for things that I thought my readers might be interested in.

1) I used to go to school in San Francisco shortly after I got out of the Army.  And I used to walk everywhere I went.  I figured it would be a piece of cake to do the same thing this time around.

Unfortunately my hotel was in the North end of the city, and the Conference was somewhere in Southern Baja, Mexico.

Also, it turns out that the past five years of grueling video game design did not keep me in as good shape as I might have hoped.

(more…)

April Fools

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

Before I write my post today  I want to clear up one thing.  This morning someone commented that they were expecting me to do something for April Fools day.  I do not play April Fools pranks, for pretty much the same reasons that Woody Allen doesn’t go to open mike night.

Because that’s for amateurs.  Plus, like Woody, I am usually too busy doing immoral things to Asian teenagers.