Archive for the ‘Michiel’ Category

I don’t own any guns, but I have been debating about getting one to protect myself from all the gun nuts stockpiling guns after Obamas election.

They are buying all these guns because they are afraid the government will take their guns away. But they are buying so many guns and getting so uppity, (shooting cops and immigration offices and all that), that it makes me think someone should pass a law and take their damned guns.

Not that it will happen but still I think more people will want gun control because the gun nuts are getting gun nuttier. It’s like some crazy Second Amendment vicious circle.

My manager and I were discussing this and he mentioned the freaks with fully automatic weapons, and wondered how you get connected to the black market like that.

I mean, it is not like buying drugs. All you have to do is be in high school or know a high schooler and you will have connects for just about everything.

Recently I tried to buy pot, so I talked to my friends, and they had no idea.

This is when I realized that any street cred or cool I ever thought I had is now officially gone.

But, this all made me and my manager wonder how you get connected to any black market?

Lets say you are a pedophile that really likes kiddie porn and that is really your thing. How do you find other pedophiles and kiddie porn suppliers? You can’t just be standing around the water cooler, and ask, “Hey, do you know where I can find a good kiddie porn website?” Yet, you are always hearing about whole crime networks being busted for kiddie porn.

Interesting side note… if you Google “NAMBLA” you will see this… (The website changed since I wrote this, but there was a snapshot of what the page looked like, so I saved a copy here).
welcome to nambla

welcome to a world of pleasure… Enter password: JOIN US ! get your own nambla t-shirt.

That’s right, you can get a NAMBLA T-SHIRT. Order now, and I can almost guarantee you’ll be the first kid on your block to sport one of these puppies.

Another side note on the NAMBLA website, it is www.nambla.de. That is right, the North American Man Boy Love Associations website is not even hosted in North America.

You have to wonder, how do these people find each other?

Speaking of finding like minded people, it makes me think about the couple that kidnapped people kept them as sex slaves and then when they were done with them, they would kill them and bury them out on the yard. (I already wrote about this topic, but if you are curious and never saw my thoughts on that, check this out).

Follow

I was minding my own business after coming home from a doctors appointment, and my girlfriend is watching The Rendering. It is one of those crappy chick flik dramas and stars Shannen Doherty. I mostly ignored it by surfing the web for info on the new Champions Online game and the upcoming Star Trek Online, but I was able to pick up a few key plot points.

Shannen Doherty is a police sketch artist and she does a sketch of a serial rapist and it looks just like her husband.

Oh wait… there are more twists and turns in this epic.

It ends up that her husband was framed by some guy, I don’t know his name but we will call him Dick. Dick had attacked her in the past and had been sent to prison for whatever he did or tried to do to Shannen Doherty. I missed the beginning of the movie so I am not sure about exactly what happened in the past, but I do know Dick held a grudge against Shannen Doherty. Also, I was not paying close attention as to how Dick orchestrated the plot to frame her husband, and plant evidence in their house from prison, but I was able to learn that Dick found a look alike for her husband in prison and had that guy do the rapes.

Later I catch a detail where Dick convinces Shannen Doherty that he will promise to keep her husband safe in prison if she testifies at his parole hearing and he gets out. Naturally, she does this and Dick is released.

In shocking plot twist, it ends up that it was a mistake for her to trust the word of the guy who attacked her and framed her husband for crimes he didn’t commit, but she does and Dick turns on her.

Again, I missed how this criminal was able to arrange it, but he gets the guards to move a killer to Shannen Doherty’s husbands cell. The guard even gave an evil/maniacal laugh when putting the guy in the cell with her husband. But, miraculously when the rumble takes place, after lights out, her husband ended up killing the killer.

At this point I am watching the movie with my full attention, and because it is so bad, I must comment about it to the girlfriend. Apparently she missed some details while I was critiquing the film, so she rewinds it and that’s when I realize this isn’t live tv and she got sucked into a bad movie.

Noooo.

She recorded it on the DVR.

Now, before we continue the review, lets get something straight, my girlfriend has a knack for hogging all the space on our DVR with cooking shows and crime dramas. It is usually so full there is no space to record what I want, even though I am supposedly the one that can’t share, because I am an only child, but unlike me, my girlfriend, the eldest of five, has sharing mastered.

As you can tell, this is an “issue” between her and I. And I had to comment on how she defiled our DVR with this awful movie, and this is why we were unable to record the Daily Show and Colbert Report last night and the premiere of Ghost Hunters International last week when we were out of town, because “The Renderering” was taking up space.

OK, let me take a deep breath and continue my review of this so called “movie.”

So, almost immediately, the police realize she was right about the plot to frame her husband, they arrest Dick and let her husband out of prison immediately. This time I did not miss how this happened, they just realized the dead guy in the cell was a murderer and that was all the proof they needed to let her husband go. How they caught Dick, I’ll never know. But you see cops bringing him in as they let out Shannen Dohertys husband. Fortunately this gives Dick the chance to practice his acting and make a menacing face at Shannen Doherty and her husband.

So, you think the movie is over, as Shannen Doherty and her husband have sex, and he comments that the thought of this is what kept him alive in prison. They then decide they are going on vacation because, “they both deserve it after all that has happened.”

While the happy couple packs, we cut away to Dick in the back of a cop car, where he fakes a heart attack or something and one of the cops climbs in the back seat to help, without his gun drawn or his partner covering him. (The partner stays in the front passenger seat). Dick chokes the cop with hand cuffs and gets his gun. Now the partner gets on the radio and Dick shoots them both.

Cut to the phone ringing and the answering machine going off, and the cops leaving a message for Shannen Doherty that Dick has escaped, but she is drying her hair and misses it. When she comes out her husband is gone and Dick left her a note on where to find them.

She shows up, Dick tries to kill her. She fights with him and holds her own against a hardened criminal who was recently released from prison and only prevails when Dick accidentally hits his head on a nail sticking out of the wall and is killed.

Shannen unties her husband, and as they walk off, she says, “Lets go home.” Neither of them looks even remotely upset or distressed or even relieved that they just got out of a life and death situation. They just blandly walk off and the credits roll.

In short, I think the writers, the directors, actors and even editors just gave up at the end of this film.

So as a movie I give it one out of five stars.

As a movie that is MS3TK-able, I give it four and a quarter stars, and a full five for the last ten minutes.

I would say check it out, but really, I don’t know that it is a good idea.

Follow

I found the following video about three months ago, and I am sure many of you have already seen it, but I think it is time to discuss the topic of real life super heroes.

So, check this out , and come back for the discussion. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Somehow, around the time when Watchmen came out, I had a feeling we would see this sort of thing, but apparently, they have been doing this for a couple years. I have always been surprised that there were not nut jobs in costume, fighting crime, somewhere. It is just too deeply ingrained in the culture for someone not to give it a go.

I have to comment that the Shadow Hare sounds like a dork. There is a certain quality to his voice that just screams, “I am a big, giant nerd,” and it was probably during a particularly harsh swirly in high school, that he decided to help protect the weak. Unfortunately, he does not appear to have realized that working out in a gym might be a good idea.

Speaking of working out, I love the chubby guy in costume walking with him. Lets face it, nothing strikes fear into the hearts of villains like the sight of love handles in spandex.

I can picture them all at their secret hideout, in moms basement, when a call comes in over the police scanner, and they have to interrupt their D&D game to rush off and fight evil, leaving behind only half empty Mountain Dew cans and lead figurines of wizards and elves.

I bet in their daily lives they are sweaty all the time, because they have their costumes on under their clothes so they are ready at a moments notice. Being a superhero can be kind of gross at times.

As weird as this all is, they are not alone. There are do-gooder dorks like them all over the world, and they can all be found on the World Superhero Registry. Based on the entries, MySpace is also a great place to find a superhero.

But, the supergeekery does not end there, there are villains too. And like any good super villain, they send out videos to make their threats known. Naturally, the best place to make your villainous intentions known to the world is, of course, YouTube.

This guy is my favorite…

Anyways, all of this reminds me of a South Park episode that came on this last season… check it out.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/
Choose Season 13, episode 1302 “The Coon”

Excelsior!

Follow

Michael Jackson died.

I know plenty of people will miss him as an entertainer. Frankly I never was a fan of the guy. I like some of the songs, but I never understood the frenzy surrounding the guy as a singer and dancer. He was cool, but not that cool, and I didn’t know many people that bought his albums.

Even so, I find that I am going to miss Michael Jackson and that I have been robbed of years of entertainment from him due to his untimely death.

See, I was a fan of the freak show that was Michael Jackson.

(more…)

Follow

Some of you may have seen this nifty site before, pills but I just discovered it.

http://www.xtranormal.com

Basically. it allows you to make movies, drugs like the ones I made, medic that are posted below. It seems like the perfect toy for a geeky community like this one. So I thought I would show off my personal bit of weirdness and then let you guys have fun with it too.

Follow

The headline on CNN says, “Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie.”

The government doesn’t want you to know that it actually was a zombie. I think we are witnessing a disturbing trend. As Skippy reported last week, a man was attacked in his yard, and had a piece of his arm bitten off and eaten. But the one thing these two stories have in common is that the attacker/zombie is able to speak.

So, forget what you think you know about zombies from movies and books and video games. The real zombies, just like Cylons, look and feel and act just like us… and this one had a day job as a photographer.

(more…)

Follow

You hear people say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I think the definition of insanity is using the same tired cliche over and over and expecting it to be meaningful.

Speaking of cliches…

The first sign that someone is thinking outside of the box is if they can come up with another phrase for thinking outside of the box. It is an old, tired cliche, and is a very “in the box” phrase and people need to stop using it. People use it like they think they are some how edgy and creative but they are not. At best, they are thinking on the other side of the Mobius strip.

Ever since President Obama lifted the ban on stem cell research, the nut jobs have been getting all worried about cloning. I don’t know why anyone would be against cloning unless they are just bigots. Clones are people, just like you and me.

PERSONALITY TEST

If a dead person comes back to life, do you…
(A) seek medical assistance
(B) shoot them in the head
(C) worship them as the son of god

How you answer that question says a lot about you as a person.

If you are dead and come back to life, do you want someone to…
(A) seek medical assistance
(B) shoot you in the head
(C) worship you as the son of god

How you answer that question says a lot about you as a person.

BONUS QUESTION
If you see a beam of light come out of the sky and lift a person off the ground and carry them skyward, do you think that…
(A) they are ascending to heaven
(B) they are being abducted by aliens
(C) those brownies weren’t normal brownies

Follow

We often hear people arguing about how racial profiling is wrong. Sure it is wrong to assume that someone is more likely to be the perpetrator of a crime just because of their racial or ethnic background.

But, once in a while, there is a crime committed and you just know who did it. You hear what the crime was, and you can almost picture the perpetrator down to a small freckle on the face.

I present one of these rare instances for you now.

Here is the headline for a news story and the link. But before you go to the link, read the headline and try to guess the race of the perpetrator.

Ready?

Pic Shows Man Robbing Stores With Klingon Sword

Now, tell me the race of this guy.

Did anyone get an answer other than white? If you did, I would love to hear your thinking on that. But, then again, I am not sure how I can explain why as soon as I saw this, I knew it was a white guy. I guess there are just some things you just know.

Some how, I also know that this guys rent and World of Warcraft bill were both due, and that is why he committed the crime. The story doesn’t mention anything about rent or World of Warcraft, but somehow I just know it is true, and you do too.

All of us reading this KNOW it is true, and that is why I think the readers of Skippy’s List need to put our collective heads together and come up with a profile of this menace to the Star Trek legacy society.

Here are my thoughts based on the facts in the story and the photo…

White man in his 20’s. Lives alone in an efficiency apartment, or possibly with parents but has his own space where he can come and go freely without being noticed, possibly a basement or garage apartment.

Based on the time of the robbery, he is either unemployed, or working in a minimum wage job. Possibly works night shift and just got off work prior to crimes. Fast food is a strong possibility for occupation.

Suspect has feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. I base this on the size of the weapon which was smaller than a normal bat’leth, and the fact that he walked out of the second store when he was refused the money that he demanded from the clerk. Also he was dressed in all black with a black face mask. I think that deep down he wishes he was a ninja or possibly Scorpion from the Mortal Combat video game, or something similar that he would consider “bad ass.” It is an image he does not live up to and this bothers him.

Feel free to add to this profile. We have a lot of geeks on this list, and although we may not personally know this guy… we all know this guy.

Follow

Regardless of who is elected, (I think we all know who will win), I think about 70% of us can agree, that it will be a good thing to finally be rid of President George W. Bush.

On behalf of that 70% of Americans, and a large portion of the people of planet Earth, I would like to say the following to George.

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.

I know you don’t understand why I do not appreciate your efforts to make sure Americans do not live in peace and prosperity, considering how much effort you have put into making sure that we won’t for quite some time.

Just sit back, and go on vacation in Crawford for the next two months, (it’s not like you haven’t spent more time on vacation than any other President in history), and try not to screw anything else up.

You may think I am mad about things like invading a country that had nothing to do with 9/11, or not capturing Osama Bin Laden. Maybe you think I am mad about your administration eroding our civil liberties. Maybe you think it is all the lies and secrecy of your administration.

Maybe you think it is because of your response to hurricane Katrina. You did lose a major port city on your watch. I know you did not create hurricane Katrina, but your response was a little lacking. But then again, you did need to prioritize the many responsibilities on your agenda and figured that going to John McCains birthday was more important than taking care of New Orleans after a disaster.

Maybe you think I am upset over the largest expansion of the Federal government since the New Deal, or the massive budget surplus that you turned into the largest budget deficit in U.S. history. Maybe you think it is because our economy is in the tank, and gas prices have skyrocketed. Maybe you think it is the high unemployment, and the housing crisis.

I must admit, I am not pleased with you and your administration over all of the above mentioned issues.

No, my biggest reason that I disapprove of you and your administration is that as a Texan, I have never been so embarrased to say I am from Texas as I have been these last eight years. There used to be a time that it was cool to be from Texas. Thanks for ruining that for me.

Fortunately, I haven’t traveled to other countries, but if I did, I would be embarrassed to say I was an American as well. Thanks for ruining that for me too. At least I could save some face by telling people in those countries that I never voted for you, not even as Governor of Texas.

And since we are on the Texas thing, what the hell is up with your accent? I have never heard anyone with your accent. I can usually tell what region of Texas a person is from by the accent. Is it a combo of North Texas and Kennebunkport? East Texas and Martha’s Vineyard? I can’t tell.

So, in summary, I would like to express my feelings by quoting your eloquent, Vice President, Dick Cheney, “Go f**k yourself.”

P.S. Don’t mess with Texas.

Follow

OK, I knew there was supposed to be a post for Monday, but I forgot that it needs to be posted on SUNDAY night.

This running a blog is harder and more complicated than I thought. There’s like details and stuff to attend to. I’m not sure I was prepared for that.

In my defense, I am the actor manager at a new haunted house, here in Austin and we had our dress rehearsal/trial run on Saturday.

Sunday, I had to spend time with the woman, and we went out and got a microwave oven for our new place, as well as unpacked a few things and tried to straighten up the place a bit.

Seriously, I love you guys, but if I took any time at all, not being with the girlfriend and focusing on “us” for the day, the rest of my week would be a pain in the ass. She’s great, but she is still a woman, and they demand time if you want to keep the peace in your house. So, young dudes, there is a piece of advice… if your woman is getting cranky with you, spend some time doing couple stuff and then give her a good poke at the end of the night and your life will be much smoother.

But, I digress. I also started back at Apple again. So I am a happy man, as it is the best place I have ever worked, but I had to make sure I was ready for my first day, so I kinda forgot to make a post.

In short, I have had a lot of other crap on my mind.

Fortunately, there were a few late submissions of weird stuff found on the web, to save my bacon during this massive screw up on my part. My apologies to all of our readers and to Skippy, (may he be merciful to me upon his return).

So, here are the fresh links.

Sweet Sister Morphine has definitely gone above and beyond with the following submissions about giant man eating badgers, the official response about the giant man eating badgers, a story about a dwarf, his penis and a vacuum cleaner, and a high-speed chase with someone who definitely should not be driving.

And finally, David sent this link of photos of a house that is so nasty, you will never feel like you are a slob again. Seriously, crack houses are better maintained than this.

Follow