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Racial Profiling

March 23rd, 2009 by Michiel

We often hear people arguing about how racial profiling is wrong. Sure it is wrong to assume that someone is more likely to be the perpetrator of a crime just because of their racial or ethnic background.

But, once in a while, there is a crime committed and you just know who did it. You hear what the crime was, and you can almost picture the perpetrator down to a small freckle on the face.

I present one of these rare instances for you now.

Here is the headline for a news story and the link. But before you go to the link, read the headline and try to guess the race of the perpetrator.


Pic Shows Man Robbing Stores With Klingon Sword

Now, tell me the race of this guy.

Did anyone get an answer other than white? If you did, I would love to hear your thinking on that. But, then again, I am not sure how I can explain why as soon as I saw this, I knew it was a white guy. I guess there are just some things you just know.

Some how, I also know that this guys rent and World of Warcraft bill were both due, and that is why he committed the crime. The story doesn’t mention anything about rent or World of Warcraft, but somehow I just know it is true, and you do too.

All of us reading this KNOW it is true, and that is why I think the readers of Skippy’s List need to put our collective heads together and come up with a profile of this menace to the Star Trek legacy society.

Here are my thoughts based on the facts in the story and the photo…

White man in his 20’s. Lives alone in an efficiency apartment, or possibly with parents but has his own space where he can come and go freely without being noticed, possibly a basement or garage apartment.

Based on the time of the robbery, he is either unemployed, or working in a minimum wage job. Possibly works night shift and just got off work prior to crimes. Fast food is a strong possibility for occupation.

Suspect has feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. I base this on the size of the weapon which was smaller than a normal bat’leth, and the fact that he walked out of the second store when he was refused the money that he demanded from the clerk. Also he was dressed in all black with a black face mask. I think that deep down he wishes he was a ninja or possibly Scorpion from the Mortal Combat video game, or something similar that he would consider “bad ass.” It is an image he does not live up to and this bothers him.

Feel free to add to this profile. We have a lot of geeks on this list, and although we may not personally know this guy… we all know this guy.

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52 Responses to “Racial Profiling”

  1. Dea Says:

    Yes I know exactly what your talking about. This guy drinks nothing but energy drinks and cant relate to women unless he associates them with a Trek character, the problem being even the geekiest of Trek characters were waaaay out of his league. Not only was his WoW bill due but his Klingon pickup lines didn’t work either.

    Captcha tendencv Cusick a particularly nasty Klingon curse.

    And did you know even spell check knows how to spell Klingon though it does have issues with bat’leth.


    AzureLunatic reply on March 24th, 2009 12:25 am:

    They may be regular soda, but they’re almost certainly caffeinated.

    He is not likely to be actually buff. He is likely to be either somewhat scrawny, or overweight, more likely overweight.


    Stonewolf reply on March 24th, 2009 4:15 am:

    He probably drinks Balls, a supercaffinated energy drink in a blue glass bottle. More than 3 a day and you begin to approch the LD50 for Caffine. He probably drinks 3 or 4 a day. He likely eats Doritos as well.


    Minty reply on March 24th, 2009 9:09 am:

    And pees in a jar so he doesn’t have to lose two minutes of valuable WoW time by pausing the game.

    paula reply on March 28th, 2009 3:58 am:

    I’ve gotta vote for a diet based on Cheetos and stringcheese.

    David reply on March 26th, 2009 10:33 am:

    Bawls is expensive shiat!

    No, he drinks that Mountain Dew knock-off you get at Wal-Mart.


  2. Stickfodder Says:

    I’m guessing that if we did enough research we would find a few more gas stations that he tried to rob earlier but got nowhere with because he was screaming at them in Klingon to make himself look tougher, but in the end since they couldn’t understand him he had to leave empty handed and eventually having to resort to stating his demands in English.


  3. Tzanti Says:

    Once again, I’m glad of the Atlantic Ocean.

    Would have been a laugh if the shop assistant had pulled out a phaser though. :)

    I think his beverage of choice is bloodcola…


    Captcha: 10:30 blood – Dracula’s itinery


  4. James Cook Says:

    At least he was smart enough not to wear a red shirt.


  5. Tim Covington Says:

    He may also wish he was a “tacticool operator.” The groups who think a batleths are an effective weapon often overlap with the tacticool operators.


    Freiheit reply on March 24th, 2009 5:45 am:

    I present you the TactiCool Derringer:

    They’re also called “mall ninjas”, they’re on full alert looking for an excuse to use the concealed carry permit while ordering an Orange Julius.


    Minty reply on March 24th, 2009 9:08 am:

    That has to be the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s like putting a racing stripe on an off-the-line Hyundai Accent.


    Bane reply on March 24th, 2009 2:30 pm:

    i didn’t see the gun till like 2 mins after opening the link…

    StoneWolf reply on March 24th, 2009 12:09 pm:

    I think my brain just vomited inside my skull. Now I have to figure out how to hose it out.


    Freiheit reply on March 24th, 2009 12:11 pm:

    Skulls can be dark, you’ll need to attach a SureFire and a red-dot sight to a q-tip moistened with antelope tears to get that out.

    Billy reply on March 28th, 2009 12:05 pm:

    I now just saw the part of the sign that said “accessories not included”, now it all makes sense.

    captcha: hurt voters, everyone when we had to choose between Bush and Kerry.


    Stickfodder reply on March 28th, 2009 1:35 pm:

    Holy crap I hadn’t noticed that.

  6. Doug Says:

    Don’t forget the figurines.

    I would estimate no less than 30 figurines from various sci-fi and fantasy franchises (Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, etc.) are on prominent display in LtCmdr. Warped’s bedroom. Along with 5-10 books on D&D.


    Andrew reply on March 24th, 2009 6:15 am:

    wots D&D ?

    i immediatly thought of death and destruction, not sure thats right


    kat reply on March 24th, 2009 8:47 am:

    Holy crap dude, Dungeons and Dragons! What the hell kind of nerd are you?!?!?!?!
    Captcha: Message 47, not quite but close


    Andrew reply on March 24th, 2009 10:23 am:

    never played it :D
    tho ofc i know wot it is i just didnt immediatly associate D&D with it
    cud be so many things…
    death and decay (WoW spell) ?
    drunk and disordaly (Fridays) ?

    anyway who said i was a nerd :p

    Brianna reply on May 4th, 2011 10:23 pm:

    OMFG! I am now officially old! I thought I was when I got my first pair of bifocals, but this is unmeasurably worse. *sobs uncontrollably*


    David reply on March 26th, 2009 10:37 am:

    Yeah, but his D&D collection is all 3.5 and he says he refuses to upgrade, except that he’s torrented the entire 4.0 collection AND the entire Star Wars Saga Edition RPG from thepiratebay and stops by his mom’s work to print them out chapter-by-chapter on her printer when he can get away with it.

    EWING meeting-room: DALLAS FTW!


    Jim A reply on March 27th, 2009 6:10 am:

    I’m not so sure. ‘Cause to me, 4.0 seems like an attempt to port WoW into a pen and paper RPG. Of course I’m more of a GURPS fan myself….


    David reply on March 27th, 2009 8:51 am:

    And thats why he torrented all of the 4.0 books, but his gamer-geek D&D friends from high school (ie, 2006) are still stuck on 3.5.

  7. Doug Says:

    Dungeons and Dragons.

    A popular die-based role-playing game that no geek/nerd would be complete without.

    CAPTCHA = 10-Year Dotter – Someone who has spent way too long studying the esoteric art of the “emoticon”.


    Michiel reply on March 24th, 2009 7:41 am:

    What is funny about him asking what D&D is, is that when people were first being diagnosed with ADD, I thought it was Advanced Dungeons and Dragons.

    I still think Advanced Dungeons and Dragons before I think Attention Deficit Disorder.


    Minty reply on March 24th, 2009 8:59 am:

    Don’t you know that all the cool kids have ADHD these days? ADD is so 1992.


    Stickfodder reply on March 24th, 2009 12:17 pm:

    Pff I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since 1994! And I’ve never been considered cool because of it. ;_;

    Stickfodder reply on March 24th, 2009 12:26 pm:

    Unfortunately even though I’ve known about D&D for the majority of my life I live in a area devoid of geek culture and have never gotten to even try D&D.


    paula reply on March 28th, 2009 2:41 pm:

    I tried it once, along with a group of other neophytes: for some reason, the (experienced) dungeon master kept getting cranky whenever we’d make comments about the wizard’s “power over animals” meant he was doing something kinky with squirrels….. we were NOT invited back, as you could probably guess.


    Stickfodder reply on March 28th, 2009 3:35 pm:

    Hmm… I’m thinking that playing D&D with you and your friends would make for some truly awesome D&D games.

  8. Minty Says:

    I find it interesting that no one’s dinged this guy for his bathing habits. As in “never.” It’s a well-known fact that the true basement dweller shrivels up like a slug in the presence of soap.


    Michiel reply on March 24th, 2009 9:45 am:

    So you are saying he smells like armpit and the underside of balls… someone, get the bloodhounds.


    StoneWolf reply on March 24th, 2009 12:13 pm:

    Sadly, we have overlooked the unique odor of this type of individual. I once knew a guy who only showered when he was outside and it was raining. Wore the same cloths all year. You could smell him comming 100yds off (not kidding, we verified this). He got his stinky ass kicked out of a LAN party for the smell! He grossed his fellow unwashed Geeks! Perhaps we could find the perpetrator by looking for areas of inexplicable dead cats and dogs with paws shoved up their noses.


    David reply on March 26th, 2009 10:39 am:

    I once prescribed a soldier with swimming for PT, and told him he needed to shower before his next appt.


  9. Billy Says:

    Are we all forgetting the anime aspect of all of this? I can guarentee you he probably has a bookshelf full of Hentai (anime porn) and a hardrive full of random fan porn of popular anime series. I hadn’t thought of it myself until I read the ADD ADHD thing, as I have a picture that shows the difference.
    and if anybody cares, the anime is called Azumanga Dioh. Yes, I am a bit of an anime nerd, lets see you leave an intelligence tech school in the air force and not become one during 6 months there.


  10. Sweet Sister Morphine Says:

    I think the best bit is that both the clerks recognised the weapon…

    ROBBER: Give me all your money!

    [ROBBER brandishes weapon at CLERK]

    CLERK: Say, isn’t that a Klingon bat’leth?


    ROBBER: So are you going to give me the money?

    CLERK: No.

    ROBBER: Aw please?

    CLERK: No.


    ROBBER: Wanna come over and watch TNG some time?

    CLERK: No. Now fuck off before I call the cops.

    ROBBER: I get so lonely…

    [ROBBER hunches shoulders and slouches despondently out of the store]


  11. James Says:

    True that would be what Trekkies do when they rob each other. However I ge the feeling he amy have had an earlier attempt at robbing a store……

    CLERK: Hello sir how may…..

    [ nerd pulls out his bat’leth]

    NERD: Give me all hte money now! Kapla!

    CLERK: uh what?

    NERD: Kapla!!!

    CLERK: I don’t speek Montanese

    NERD: There’s no such language!

    CLERK: Oh well I thought from the pale skin behind your mask-

    NERD: This is the mask of Shredder from The Thrid TMNT animated series!!!

    CLERK: right……

    NERD: now give me all themoney or I’ll chop your head off with my Bat’leth

    CLERK: That’s not a Bat’leth it’s to shor-


    [ Clerk pulls out a Mossberg 500 with a bayonet mount]

    CLERK: How about you keep going and try robbing a store clsoer to the convention center nerd!

    CAPTCHA: Enlarged Shaping- Trekkies like to call Odo’s kinky Time.


  12. Scurvy Says:

    The idiot is obviously obsessed with Star Trek, why else would he have a bat’leth? He also is probably deluded by a lack of communication with other humans or by some mental retardation, because he most likely thinks that everyone else thinks that weapon is badass as well. Either that or he is so pathetic that he doesn’t have anything else he could use as a weapon


  13. lessthanlucid Says:

    I looked at Bud K’s line of fantasy swords, and I think I found the one from the pic, maybe? See what you think…


    I don’t know, size is close, but store pic is not detailed enough to tell.

    Captcha: criti Swordfish


  14. Fairest of All Says:

    um wow
    sometimes it scares me how much of this stuff YOU guys know.
    the guy is has <70% muscle mass large or small’ not important
    my 6th grader could take him
    even with the sword
    high IQ with learning disabilities
    zero self awareness
    personal hygene is not high on his priorty list
    95% probability white male 16-30
    thinks weird al is the best song writer ever
    knows the next star trek movie is about star fleet academy (oops I knew that. My son says”Mom you are a trekkie?”)
    possibily also a furry, cause they are more likely to be female carbon based forms of life, who are just, if not more, weird and therefore compatable.


    paula reply on March 28th, 2009 4:11 am:

    Your sixth grader could take him? More like your sixth grader, while still in that cocooned-in-blankets /ain’t-getting-outta-bed predawn still-asleep state, could take the guy. And STILL never wake up while doing it.


  15. Anonymous and STILL Employed Says:

    Baggy clothes says to me he has no upper body strength, most likely a virgin too.
    From the way he walked off at the second place I’d also say he’s the kinda guy who shouts at his computer while playing online games but would never so much as stick his tongue out at you in real life cause you’d kick his ass all the way to A&E. A lot of people like this buy ridiculous nerdy fan weapons but would never use them.

    God Damn, Get me CSI on the phone, I want a job.


    Sgt. Spooky reply on March 26th, 2009 8:28 pm:

    Hey! I resemble that remark…….. not the lack of upper body strength or the being a virgin(those still exist?). I just buy rediculous nerdy fan weapons…..such as a bat’leth. Only mine is licensed by paramount cost more than my truck, and is full size. Oh yeah and SHARP. By the way, also found a site that has instruction on how to use the damn thing. Would suggest leaving the plastic sleeves on the tips on it till you get profficient though. Damn thing HURTS when it opens up your leg.

    captcha: Twister House- no thanks…. now if it s the co-ed naked twister house, ill think about it…….


    Stickfodder reply on March 26th, 2009 10:31 pm:

    It’s interesting that you didn’t dispute the gay comment in Anonymous and STILL Employed’s post.


    Sgt. Spooky reply on March 27th, 2009 6:54 am:

    gay comment?

    Stickfodder reply on March 27th, 2009 3:00 pm:

    It was implied… or was I reading to deep into what he wrote?

  16. Anonymous and STILL Employed Says:

    WHAT? Gay comment? Please explain that. Mr brain doesn’t work too well when I’m hungover


    Billy reply on March 28th, 2009 12:00 pm:

    I, myself, am not sure, but it may deal with skimming over the sentances and seeing the words “tongue” and “ass” close together, withought reading the post well.

    captcha: hawkeye findings, fish, fish, fish, and cat.


  17. Rick R. Says:

    “Freiheit reply on March 24th, 2009 5:45 am:

    I present you the TactiCool Derringer:

    Wow, so Mall-Ninja AND a federal felony, all in one! (Adding the extra grip to a “pistol” violated the 1934 National Firearms Act, so it has to be registered and regulated like a machinegun, silencer, or sawed off shotgun.)


  18. JMireles Says:

    Though I’m not exactly what you’d call a trekkie, I was raised by one. My step-father actually got pissed with TNG because Picard didn’t get into fist fights with aliens like Kirk did. Nor did he get laid as often. Well, not really pissed, but you get the picture. When I was something like 12, I played D&D. Haven’t played since then, and am confused how an adult could still play that. However, I wouldn’t discount a trekkie’s ability to get laid. LOL I once worked as a security guard at a Sci-Fi convention. Be damned if the buggers didn’t designate one of the hotel rooms as a “clothing optional” bar. From what I could tell though, the dude wasn’t carrying a bat’leth. Looks more like a mek’leth, though I could be mistaken. I do enjoy some star trek, but I most certainly wouldn’t get into costume and run around a convention playing make believe. I’ll save that for my drill weekends and AT. Just kidding. I’m in a drinking company with a medical problem.


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