Archive for the ‘New List’ Category

Note for non-gamers: A PUG, drugs or pick-up group, doctor is when you wind up playing an online game with a group of more or less random strangers, clinic rather than with people that you know.  Given how most online games are teamwork oriented, and given how most people on the Internet tend to behave, this frequently turns out to be a Very Bad Idea.

See also: Charlie Foxtrot, Leroy Jenkins, Azerothian Roulette, and “What the hell are the idiots doing?!”

Not to be confused with the small dogs that look like their face got smashed in with a shovel.

(Note from the Stephanie)

For your World of Warcraft fans:
I’m in a smallish guild on WOW.  We usually have enough for some 10-mans but outside of raid nights, we often don’t have enough people on to do things like Vaults or OS and have to join other groups or partner with another guild for 25 man content.  So the long and short of it is several of our members join PUGS for these things (that’s pick-up-groups for the non-WOW folks but also means someone who joins a pick-up group) or put out general calls for pugs to join us.  This list is based on the experiences of my fellow guild members and myself:

(Submitted by Stephanie)

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I’m relatively certain that this one is not a repeat.

(Submitted by Maria Blackmore)

1. Not allowed to submit Purchase Order requests for a kinetic kill orbital weapons platform.
2. Or any other sort of weapons platform.
3. Even if we have enough staff with sufficient expertise to build one.
4. Or a bucket of sunshine.
5. Not allowed to submit Purchase Order requests for a secret underground lair.
6. Even if you already have the perfect site lined up.
7. They’re expensive and we don’t have money allocated for it in the budget.
8. Tanks are a weapons platform.
9. So are field artillery.
10. And rocket launchers.
11. And submarines.
12. And automatic weapons, in fact, not allowed to submit PO requests for any sorts of weapons at all. That includes explosives too.
13. And cattle-prods, if intended for use as a weapon.
14. Even Nerf weapons.
15. Unless you pay for them yourself.

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(Submitted by Stefan Schoenhoff)

1. Not allowed to go home on the basis that I have caught Pig AIDS
2. Not allowed to call in sick with “Jungle Fever.”
3. Not allowed to call in sick with “Gay Jungle Fever”
4. Not allowed to threaten suicide with Diet Coke and Mentos
5. Not allowed to rectify my errors through the only honorable path, seppuku.
6. Not allowed to mime seppuku to explain what it is.
7. Not allowed to kill myself on company time.
8. Not allowed to hurt people who keep poking me.
9. Not allowed to sell my body while on the company’s payroll.
10. My soul is not of equal value to the Watchmen poster our video department can’t use due to the film being pulled from our shelves.
11. May not challenge coworkers to mortal combat over a Watchmen poster.
12. Or rock, paper, scissors.
13. My soul cannot be sold on more than one occasion.
14. My supervisor has no use for my soul. (more…)

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A note from the author.

I teach Basic Military Qualification (Land) which is what they call the SQ (Soldier Qualification) these days. Basically it’s the course after basic training where a soldier learns actual army stuff, machine guns, M-72 section attacks winter survival, grenades etc. After the field training exercise #1 and #2 I get the candidates to fill out a few lines in a book I have started. The next course after them gets to read this book when they show up. The book is titled “Things I Learned the Hard Way in SQ/BMQ(L)”

(Submitted by Magerin Blakely)

1. Ensure your spare C9 (machine gun) barrel is tight on your back or you could be eating it during a section attack
2. Label kit with full last name or you will make the MBdr (me) very angry
3. Do not sleep in your trench, even if there’s no rain in the forecast. You _will_ wake up wet
4. Don’t pack counting on the weather being +30C all week with no rain because this is an army base and it could snow tomorrow.

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(Submitted by Confusion)

1. Not allowed to use any audio editing software to splice together funny conversations from our digital recorders.
2. Not allowed to insert synthesized speech into digital recordings either.
3. Not allowed to use Windows Movie Maker to edit video recordings and make videos to the song “The Chicken Dance”.
4. Not allowed to edit videos to any music.
5. Not allowed to edit videos.
6. Not allowed to “monitor network usage” via VNC on my lunchbreak by randomly connecting to other users machines.
7. Not allowed to VNC into users machines on thier breaks to see what they are doing.

8. Not allowed to use VNC to post, email, or IM strangers from other peoples machines
9. Not allowed to make changes to someones MySpace or Facebook pages via VNC connection to their machine.
10. Not allowed to VNC into a machine without contacting the user.
11. “I left a voicemail” does not count.
12. Not allowed to make “UI improvements” by changing users desktops, icons, or wallpaper via VNC.
13. Not allowed to use VNC connections to “test bandwidth” by downloading torrents on other peoples machines.
14. Not allowed to “stress test” the LAN by downloading torrents either.
15. Same goes for the firewall.
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(Submitted by James)

1. Not allowed to pee in a bottle and drop it out of the hellhole of an H-53 while over rush hour traffic on I-264.

2. Also probably why CO doesn’t let us do I-264 transits anymore.

3. Not allowed to make MRE bombs at the pistol range.

4. Especially between courses of fire.

5. Not allowed to make people “clean pad eyes” for EMI.

6. Not allowed to send a new check-in up to personnel in search of an “India Delta 10 Tango” form.

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(Submitted By Jordan Thompson)

• Never build a pagan shrine out of rocks on top of a cratering charge. Even if it is Sunday.
• When detonating 1000lbs of explosives do NOT stand out side the bunker to “get a better picture” especially when someone just made a shrine out of shrapnel.
• Don’t try to eviscerate yourself with the army sewing kit scissors. It won’t work. You can give yourself little red welts across your stomach and have a whole barracks laughing themselves stupid while trying to restrain you.
• Don’t ask NG’s what they do when they aren’t soldiers. You may get yourself into an enlightening conversation about “Medieval battle reenactments.”
• Dropping an FM on the desk to see who will hit the dirt is not a good idea, especially when it works.
• Discovering a secret cable television and sneaking off to watch football with your squad does not count as “Team building”

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Hooray my computer is repaired.

Which means I have access to my big ass pile of new list submissions.

And so once again we have Monday Morning List Updates.

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You know you’re Australian when

(Submitted by ShuttleZ)

1. You know the meaning of the word “girt”.

2. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

3. You think it’s normal to have a leader called Kevin.

4. You still don’t get why the “Labor” in “Australian Labor Party” is not spelt properly with a “u”.

5. You believe that democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of good ol’ K-Rudd.

6. You’ve heard the Prime Minister dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as “un-Australian”, and that’s enough to make us sit down and shut up.

7. You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just fucking rock!

8. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

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(Submitted by SPC Cameron Kennedy)

I’m not sure if you are familiar with the Chuck Norris facts that are over exaggerated but they are rather hysterical. I have created a list of General Petraeus facts based on the true story of a LTC Petraeus being shot in the chest on a live fire exercise and then sent to the hospital. After being refused early release after only two days following the shooting, the then LTC Petraeus dropped down and knocked out 50 push-ups. He was released that day.

With that I humbly submit to you for possible publication: the General Petraeus facts.

1. M1 Abrams no longer fire depleted uranium rounds, they now have Gen Petraeus’ fist waiting down the barrel. It was deemed inhumane for use.

2. Osama bin Laden is not hiding in Pakistan, he’s hog tied in Gen Petraeus’ footlocker.

3. Iraq used to be a frozen tundra before Gen Petraeus got there.

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