Archive for the ‘Guest Story’ Category

Well, online I have to say, clinic I got bored and seeing as I enjoy writing fiction, anesthetist I decided to work on the story about zombies in the Revolutionary War, as per a comment somebody made on one of the stories dealing with zombies, I forget which one. If I get good comments on how this is going, I will continue this story, and any constructive criticism is appreciated. And now, without further ado, the result of random boredom.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. That’s what Frank Smith thought to himself, serving his king, putting down rebels in Africa. He and his men were deep in the jungle, shooting the savages that refused to bow to the English. It was then that one of the savages managed to get close and took a bite out of Frank’s hand. He then pulled out a flintlock pistol and shot the disease-ridden bastard in the face, splattering his brains on the trees. The rest of the savages lay dead or dying in the ground.

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While my unit was training for our deployment to Iraq, we were stationed at Camp Shelby, Miss. While we were there, the rule about females in the male barracks, and so forth, was treated a little loosely.

The general rule was, no one of the opposite sex in barracks after 9pm. If someone of the opposite sex wanted to enter the barracks, they’d have to call “_____, on the floor!”, and wait for an “all clear”.

We had a female SGT who generally didn’t wait for the “all clear” before coming into the barracks, and a few of my roomies complained about it. Nothing was ever done about it, so one of my buddies decided to take matters into his own hands.

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Well, with the recent (possibly justified) zombie panic, I was surprised to find this article in my Slashdot RSS feed:

Texas Makes Zombie Fire Ants.

An excerpt from the original article:

It sounds like something out of science fiction: zombie fire ants. But it’s all too real.

Fire ants wander aimlessly away from the mound.

Eventually their heads fall off, and they die.

The strange part is that researchers at the University of Texas at Austin and Texas A&M’s AgriLife Extension Service say making “zombies” out of fire ants is a good thing.

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This happened to me recently in Iraq. And while the joke is on me, it’s funny enough that I care less about it’s me people are laughing at, as opposed to the situation at hand.

The port a potties here on JBB have a “gay code” in them. Anyone stationed over here knows what I’m talking about. But you’ll see strange email addresses written on the port a potty walls with “M4M”
underneath it. With an email like “hardandlong21@yahoo.com” with M4M underneath it, I pieced 2 and 2 together and deciphered M4M meant Man 4 Man. I was on akochat working the nightshift. I was bored, and the only chat room that is authorized is AKO. So I decided to see if anyone was in one of the Iraq chat rooms. I chose one (which I now know, was a bad idea) called “Rainbow Iraq” I thought it would be full of smart-assed people, because if I was to make a room, it’d be something cute and fuzzy, like “Care Bear Stare.” I lurk here for a little bit before being “introduced” to someone named Alexis.

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According to the BBC, there is a mutation of the swine flu that is causing a small outbreak of “zombiesm”. And it’s not the first time it’s happened.

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My fellow Skippians I come to warn you that the end has officially began. Recently a “Swine Flu” epidemic has begun to spread, cheao viagra and anywhere from 20 to 800 people have died from it and even more have been infected.

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I think you might be right about the zombie uprising south of the border. With a simple word replacement (and one addition for readability’s sake) this simple news article becomes a terrifying portent.

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I’ve finally decided to share a recent incident that involved my wife and I being “adopted” with you and the other “Skippyites” that should tickle your collective funny bones.

Not to long ago, my wife and I where contemplating the benefits of getting ourselves a “fur kid”. The particular one in question being a cat. Now, I have always grown up with dogs and have owned 4 over the years and each one passed away peacefully but as my wife never grew up owning a dog or being around people who owned dogs, to say she is not a “dog person” is putting it mildly. Me, on the other hand, am not really a cat person. I even own a t-shirt that reads “I love cats…..lets swap recipes” and I have to admit that the feeling may be mutual every since my childhood when my brother and I built a catapult that lived up to it’s name. But that’s another story.

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Ah, yes, the Combat Life Saver Course.

I went to that course with a bunch of guys from my SF unit. Shortly thereafter, I went to a civilian EMT course. In the EMT course, they refer to the NPA (naso-pharyngial airway) as the “Bugle of Truth”.

Apparently, in the civilian world, a whole lot of EMS calls involve junkies playing unconscious possum in order to get cool meds. Well-practiced junkies can even feign unresponsiveness to the Sternal Rub, which is the standard method of determining Level Of Consciousness; and if you’ve ever experienced the Sternal Rub, you know how bloody painful that is (Hell, we use that in my martial arts practice to torment people all the time, but we call it some cool Japanese name).

But nobody, not anybody, according to the EMT cadre, can feign unconsciousness during the insertion of an NPA. Just the threat of such insertion will supposedly rouse any junkie who has previously tried to bluff their way through an NPA insertion during a prior med quest. Thus the name “Bugle of Truth”. If you want to know if somebody is faking unconsciousness, stuff an NPA up their rose sniffer and see what happens.

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(edit: Oops, I accidentally forgot to put the actual author in here.  My bad.)

It all started with being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If I’d been in the gym and out of sight of my platoon sergeant, I wouldn’t have witnessed it. As it was, I was in line-of-sight when he needed to send people to Combat Life Saver class, intended to teach regular soldiers vital life-saving skills. It ends up being a chance to stab each other with needles and inflict large bruises without fear of UCMJ action.

I was sent to the class with several other soldiers from my company. One of these, was That Guy. Everyone has seen this person. They aren’t too bright, and yet they think they are. They’re the butt of the unit or the workplace teasing, and yet they still continue doing things that just keep them seeming to ask for it. This person was also my partner for the IV stick, a temporary case of insanity on my part.

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