Billy’s List
This list has become my personal type of guideline, cough which is why people at work worry about me coming in with a black trenchcoat. Why I am missing the obvious “explosions fix everything!”, health thats because I adopted that from someone else. The rest was modified for my purpose.
1. When in doubt, drugs use explosives
2. If being reasonable doesn’t work, try overkill
3. If all else fails, try fire and a wood chipper
4. Love is a battlefield, bring an axe
5. Traps are for those who got bored with the simple stuff
6. If morality becomes an issue, take your hand, put it in front of your face, and smack it with your other hand and get back to work.
7. If you can’t decide between fire and explosives, try white phosphorus
8. There is no such thing as maximum destruction, only “that didn’t work” and “OH HELL YEAH”
9. Remember, only you can start forest fires
10. Big guns are fun, big guns that fire explosives are more fun
11. If at first you don’t succeed, try amputation
12. Remember, all the fun in the world isn’t worth much if you get killed by it, so make sure to stand back to admire your handiwork
13. Grenades in the pocket are fun, landmines on the chair are more fun
14. Remember, the weird guy is your friend, it’s the normal people who have moral problems
15. Some love the smell of napalm in the morning, others, burning gasoline, I prefer blood and burning flesh.
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August 26th, 2010 at 5:27 am
Ok, I’ll admit, I have a few things to work out with my employers, but if they just let me blow stuff up, I would be a much better worker!
captcha: 1964 polookie, wait, what?
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ltc_insane reply on August 26th, 2010 6:02 am:
lol wouldn’t everyone be a much better worker if they get blow stuff up ? :P
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M578Jockey reply on August 26th, 2010 7:51 am:
Not necessarily, If I blew up something at work we’d take out 1/2 the county. In order to standby and admire my handiwork, I’d have to be in Southern Tennesse.
Captcha: Whoreture Persistence – Sounds a little perverse even for me ;-)
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Shadowydreamer reply on August 26th, 2010 4:16 pm:
Good Lord.. who’d wanna be in Southern Tennesse?!
M578Jockey reply on August 27th, 2010 7:53 am:
Well, it’s actually an improvement over northern Alabama.
August 26th, 2010 at 11:34 am
I DO get to blow stuff up for work. YAY ME! Also, in reference to numbers 1 and 2 combined, we have a saying in EOD, a little formula to figure out how much bang to use: “P+S=E. Plenty+SomeMore=Enough.” It tends to work pretty much 99% of the time.
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August 26th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
This sounds like an unpublished list from “The Seven
Habits of Highly Effective Pirates.”
Rule #34: If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.
Rule #37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “I need to reload”.
Ommmmminous Hummmmmmmm
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Catherine reply on August 27th, 2010 11:06 pm:
The glow of doom from the barrel is a nice touch.
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August 26th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
â??P+S=E. Plenty+SomeMore=Enough.â?
Best thing I’ve heard all day. Thanks RP. Our 18Cs had a similar philosophy. Although when I clicked on the link to your name to see just who is playing EOD these days and still has enough fingers left to type accurately, I got a virus alert from your blog page, so you might want to check on that.
Thanks For Your Service.
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Billy reply on August 26th, 2010 3:05 pm:
Thanks for letting me know, i’ll check it out, though I haven’t done much with it in months
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August 26th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
setting fires to things has to run a close second to blowing things up, followed closely by running over/through things with a bulldozer.
just remember for #9 if you start forest fires, some of us will have to come put it out
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August 26th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Well that’s perfect. I had a rough day at work and let off steam by putting 100 rounds downrange. I’ve already been told I’m not allowed to bring a rifle to work to shoot the damn critters that like to eat my equipment. I had to bribe the Guard to do it for me, but I did get a gopher out of the deal. And I’m not allowed to touch the cleaning supplies when I pointed out one could make cheap mustard gas with them.
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Sandy reply on August 27th, 2010 10:39 am:
Damn – should have thought of that one! Change the whole dynamics here at the office!
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August 27th, 2010 at 6:05 am
Reminds me of the rundown of a demo excersize I got from my Lt:
“You get your target, calculate how much c4 to use, and then add some more for effect. Then the instructor comes over, asks if you have enough c4, and tells you to add some more to ‘be on the safe side'”.
Making things go boom for fun seems to be coded in our dna.
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August 27th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
If they didn’t want me to play with the cleaning products and three semesters of college chemistry, they shouldn’t make explosives and mustard gas so easy to make. That’s my theory anyway.
Also, you can totally buy a five pound jar of black powder out here for like thirty bucks. Good times right there.
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August 28th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
first i have 2 things to say. skippy stole my name! sumwhat, my nickname is skippy. as for the demon penguin part of the name, its a long story, but the dp runs around blowing stuff up, and getting kicked out of places.
i luv exploding stuff. i work as a stablehand and have found that the isolation paddock is perfect to explode stuff, but best thing: strapping explosives onto the front of an atv, aimin’ it @ the shed, and putting a brick on the accelerater. awesome. so is setting things on fire then throwing them in the lake. and filling a plastic bottle full of marshmallow, putting the cap on and throwing it in a fire. im a very destructive little girl.
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Billy reply on August 29th, 2010 9:33 am:
And I already like you
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Sgt. Spooky reply on September 1st, 2010 11:08 pm:
I’m in love
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August 31st, 2010 at 6:28 am
Y’know, it’s people like you who give Boy Scouts their reputation.
captcha: petrochemicals eitons — because metric tonnes are not a large-enough unit of measurement.
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October 18th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
One more for ya
“That which doesn’t kill you mails you for life.”
Feel free to modify as necessary.
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February 4th, 2011 at 10:13 am
Y’all remind me of the folks on Mythbusters!
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August 4th, 2011 at 10:23 am
I have just found my favorite group of random ppl!!! you guys are awesome!
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August 10th, 2015 at 6:20 pm
I couldn’t agree more about giecatrirs. I miss sitting with some of the elderly individuals I used to help and they would tell me stories for hours about the things that they witness when they were younger, and the lives that they lived up to the point that they needed care. I have always felt that the elderly know how to live their lives better than anyone, and they for sure never take it for granted! Sometimes the people taking care of them are not good people though, and it always breaks my heart to see someone talking badly to an elderly man or woman.I like how you made a switch from little tiny babies that have no real experience with life, to elderly men and women who have lived life to its fullest and still have more life to share with others. Such opposites!
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