What A-hole Would Do This?
In our team meeting today I learned about a mad man in our company. His reign of terror lasted for several months, then mysteriously he stopped his crime spree for a couple months and now he is back with a vengeance.
Who is this criminal mastermind, of which I speak, and what has he done to strike fear in the hearts of his co-workers?
He is the Mad Crapper of Building 4.
That’s right, someone in building 4 has been going into the mens room and dropping a deuce in the middle of the floor. Not on the floor in a stall, but in the middle of the floor in front of the sinks.
There is a serial shitter amongst us, and management is hot (and steamy) on his trail trying to find this maniac.
I don’t know if it is the call center managers or corporate security that is investigating this heinous crime. Perhaps it is a special anti-poop task force, but they were close to finding him. They had narrowed down the list of suspects by comparing the days and times with the work schedules of all employees. They were closing in, when suddenly he cut the shit.
He laid low for two months, (two… I think it is symbolic), and now he is letting loose again.
One manager was overheard to say that, “when you have 4000 employees, you have to expect that one of them will shit on the floor.”
No, I am not making this up. Yes, I will update when there are more details.
Follow
July 16th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Didn’t south park have something like this? Maybe he’s just in such a hurry that he only has time to take a shit in the middle of the floor.
Reply
echoesofwonder reply on July 17th, 2009 6:23 am:
I want to know… if that’s where he decides to shit… where does the toilet paper come in?
Also… since he probably isn’t currently shitting, and it is past tense… does that make him the “Madd Shatter”… come on… laugh a little
Reply
V reply on July 17th, 2009 11:18 am:
I LOLed.
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 12:30 am
Oh, wow. Why would the do that? I mean… Why?
It… boggles the mind!
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 2:36 am
Yeah, we had one of these at college. “The Phantom Shitter” made the only decent bathroom in the whole place a biohazard every few weeks for two years. That was pretty inconvenient because the only other bathroom in that building was set on fire
Reply
Pte Walker reply on July 17th, 2009 6:34 am:
There was a “Phantom Shitter” in my barracks a a few months ago! This freak decided it would be fun to shit all down the wall on another units floor, my unit. Unluckily for him the second attempt led to his capture hehehe He was scrubbing shit so long I swear he must be have brown blood
Reply
Minty reply on July 17th, 2009 11:56 am:
“I’m sorry to tell you that we have some bad news. We’ve found traces of blood in your fecal stream.”
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 5:07 am
You should be happy. Don’t you know how hard it is today to find employees who give a shit!
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 5:44 am
We had a disturbing issue at my office. In one of the Men’s rooms there is a set of showers available for people who ride bikes to work, or work with a bunch of chemicals so that they can get cleaned up. There really aren’t many people who use these.
Except for NAKED MAN!!
This was a 55+ VICE PRESIDENT of a Fortune 100 company. He would ride his bike to work, then proceed to take long hot showers in the men’s room. This wasn’t so bad except if you went in to pee he would be standing square in the middle of the room (probably over Michiel mad shitters little package) and try to carry on a conversation with you while applying powder to his junk. This is not something I need to see at 7 in the morning!!
Captcha: Frank Suctions how lewd..
Reply
CCO reply on July 17th, 2009 8:20 am:
I think it’s a culture thing whether or not you talk to people in the bathroom. One college I attended you didn’t talk whilst at the urinals (in the classroom buildings), another you did. The first had separate areas in the gym for faculty lockers and separate faculty restrooms; the second didn’t.
Then again, showering with people you work with (outside of the military) is a little weird.
Reply
Dan reply on July 17th, 2009 8:43 am:
It wasn’t talking while in the bathroom. Maybe I wasn’t clear….
He was NAKED and Powdering his junk, while asking how the weather was and what you did this weekend. It was creepy.. :-)
Reply
CCO reply on July 17th, 2009 1:17 pm:
I guess you would know how weird it was since you were there.
CCO
July 17th, 2009 at 7:39 am
There’s always one…
When I was in basic someone took a shit in one of the toilets and left it, now this wouldn’t have been so bad except that the shit was so big that it wouldn’t flush down.
Yea, that’s right, some female took a shit that was too big around to fit down a military toilet (makes you wonder doesn’t it). We ended up having to wrap the end of a plunger in plastic and use it to break up Gigantashit so that we could flush. We never did figure out who it was, although there were some theories based on the presumed former sex lives of some of the privates.
Reply
Minty reply on July 17th, 2009 9:11 am:
My mother had to do something similar when my brother was a toddler. He was constipated for about two weeks, so she gave him a suppository, and the resultant log was too big to go down. Her preference was a butter knife, which explains why there was 11 instead of 12 in the silverware set when she passed it onto me.
Reply
Phelps reply on July 17th, 2009 11:34 am:
We always used coat hangers around my house. (The wire ones. Using a plastic one would be gross.)
captcha the doubled. Yup.
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 7:45 am
This reminds me of a story I was told by a co-worker. He used to work in a tech support call center for an unnamed fortune 500 and during his tenure, one of the reps was breaking toilets, flushing rocks, smearing feces around and the like. He earned the name Poopsmith for his efforts. Eventually they were able to single down who was responsible and fire him for “totally unrelated reasons”
The coworker relating this story left after that and went on to the company where I worked. He soon came to find that The Poopsmith was trying to get hired there as well. My coworker made sure to let them know the real reason he was let go from his previous employer but they didn’t believe him.
…Until toilets started getting broken. He was walked out soon after.
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 8:42 am
It’s a morale problem. Someone is seriously disgruntled. My mother was a garment worker as a kid, and one of her fellow sweatshop slaves would do this. Yes, a female. So, on one hand, you know that, but on the other hand, it doesn’t give you any clues on how to deal with it. Trust-fall exercises with Human Resources ain’t gonna fix this.
Reply
Minty reply on July 17th, 2009 9:37 am:
Bad morale certainly is a viable reason, but it also could be someone who gets off on making other people feel violated. Given the pattern of occurrence, I’d be betting on the latter reason.
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
That happened at the library.
Reply
Chris the other reply on July 22nd, 2009 2:12 pm:
Yours too? It was probably a patron at ours. You don’t want to know what happened to some of the books.
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 9:28 am
I heard a story about someone about Cadet Summer Training pissing in a bottle and leaving it in the barracks.
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 9:44 am
A fairly regular occurence according to some of the stories in poopreport.com wher ethere is an entire section devoted to pooping at work. I have to limit my reading there because all the laughing makes my face hurt.
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Michiel could you please continue updating us on this issue :P sound weird but Im interested on hearing how this will turn out…. who is this misteries shitter and what is he up to ¬_¬ more to come on Skippyslist.com stay tune!
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 10:49 am
What a waste. I hope that if you find this person first, you counsel them thoroughly about defecating in the wrong place. One should never, ever do that in the middle of the floor. The proper place, if the commode isn’t your thing, would be the desk or chair of someone in management. Maybe in a desk drawer, open laptop, be creative…
Reply
Lit reply on July 18th, 2009 10:58 am:
No, not the laptop. Because it doesn’t actually hurt the guy, it hurts the company’s tech support that has to come and (I can only hope) replace it. Back when I worked tech support for my college we had one student who brought in a similarly treated laptop. According to her, she had been having a party in her suite and left it on the bathroom sink counter because “it’d be less likely to get broken”. One of her guests then went to use the facilities and was so shit-faced that they supposedly mistook the laptop for the toilet. We had the entire Tech support, Helpdesk, and IT Staff departments gathered around staring at her as she told us this story with a straight-face.
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 11:42 am
First time rising up from the lurkosphere.
…we had a serial shitter in holdunder (pre-basic training) at Ft. Knox in 2003. He would drop a deuce in the middle of the gang showers, right on top of the drain. Never did catch the little shit.
Captcha: coolants Elly. Radiator flushing pinup girl?
Reply
Former Spc. 19K reply on July 19th, 2009 7:27 am:
were you there sept of ’99, cause I remember that crap too. I think he wound up in by OSUT platoon, had the same thing happen there as well. Never found out who.
captcha: the postman… never rings at all.
Reply
LoC978 reply on July 19th, 2009 10:15 pm:
nah. I was headed into basic at that point myself. got held under for 2 months due to overcrowding and a rumored suicide.
Reply
July 17th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Used to work security in a rather large nightclub….during spring break. At the end of the night The female restroom would ALWAYS be at least 10 times nastier than the mens….tampons on the floor, pads, affixed to walls of the stalls. Always found that weird…..I mean women always complain about bathrooms, even if all you did was leave the seat up.
Reply
Billy reply on July 17th, 2009 6:35 pm:
I know, it seems to be universal. I work as cart attendent/flow team at target, and in the one in florida, and the one in new york, the bathrooms are always like this:
Mens room: fairly clean, couple of paper towles on the floor.
Womens room: stinks so bad satan would run away, ripping his nose off, occasionally blood on the seat, lots of paper towles on the floor, wet as a cave near the ocean.
Now, please explain this to me, as I know that women in general are neater then men. Is it the same idea as rental cars? Screw up what you never plan on cleaning?
Reply
Lokim8 reply on July 20th, 2009 1:16 am:
It is because they are all whores! Back to the kitchen ice cold skeleton witches.
Reply
July 18th, 2009 at 7:14 am
This is so disturbing, but I’m totally wanting to know what happesn!
Has your management thought that maybe it’s a female doing this? Sneaking in and doing this, thinking “Ha ha, I’m in the MENS washroom, I’ll NEVER get caught!!”
…my dad is a gastroenterologist, so my next line of thought is “How about you get that poop tested?” Maybe you could find clues? I know that is probably pricy and a violation of something like privacy (maybe having to check employee files for known ailments that match what was found in the stool?).
I dunno. What a crappy situation :-D
Reply
July 18th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Ok. I guess this is the right time and place to tell this “war” story. Way back in the day, I was an enlisted MP at a nuke storage site in Germany. We would be locked in the security building for twelve hours at a time, taking turns on the guard towers and the like. But we often had hours and hours inside the building.
Anyway, one day I had the shits real bad. My buddy was sitting in the stall next to me and making loads of fun at my expense. I was moaning, groaning and it was so bad I thought I might have to go on sick call. He was saying things like “Damn, you splashed me over here!” “Don’t strike a match!” etc, etc.
Those of you with military experience know that when it comes to bugs, they make the rounds through the barracks. A couple weeks later, the roles were reversed. Jerry was in the stall next to me and begging for forgiveness. “Mac, I’m sorry dude. I didn’t know it was so bad”. He was shitting and shitting and shitting and begging and begging. I kept being humble, “no problem dude”, “I understand” “pretty bad ain’t it?”. This went on for a while then finally, when he felt he’d gained my forgiveness, he says real sheepishly, “Mac, you got any toilet paper over there?” For the next several hours, I handed him one sheet at a time under the divider. you know, he never screwed with me again!
Reply
Sequoia reply on July 18th, 2009 12:23 pm:
Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool.
Reply
July 19th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Michiel, since I have no idea how to reach you, would you please send me an e-mail to ihmhi6@gmail.com?
Also I don’t see why they don’t just put a camera outside the stalls. It’s not like you’d see any of the toilets or anything.
CAPTCHA: pissano pre-
Just a bit off.
Reply
Pericles07032 reply on July 24th, 2009 9:02 pm:
You’re not allowed to have cameras in bathrooms(if I remember correctly). It bugs people and some pervs will use it to their advantage. I think only Infrared Cameras and Thermal Imaging cameras are approved. And even then I’d just stick Hi-Def cameras outside the bathroom to catch who goes in and out at any given time.
also I’d use heat vision cameras on top of that just to be extra cautious.
Reply