An Important Service Announcement

July 6th, 2009 by skippy

I’m waiting on a replacement power supply to arrive. So I still don’t have access to my big pile of list submissions. Though I did receive a few ideas I didn’t quite get enough to make a post out of.

And so I am taking this opportunity to draw your attention to an important current event.

Michael Jackson will be buried without his brain.

So far I have several theories.

1) Aliens stole it, and the medical examiner is just stalling.

2) They removed the brain to stop the undead king of pop from feeding on the soft tissue of underage boys.

3) There is some sort of freaky mummification thing going on. Which means that his brain is probably in a jar along with several other organs. This is really bad news because as we all know, mummies are just basically just zombies with money.

4) Someone plans to implant his brain into some sort of advanced cyborg shark device.

5) Because the entity we know as Michael Jackson has used up this host body, and has moved on to a more suitable one. Be on the lookout for another celebrity going all freakjob on us. I’m thinking Tom Cruise as a likely candidate for some reason.

Have I missed any ideas?

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This entry was posted on Monday, July 6th, 2009 at 12:03 am and is filed under Just kind of babbling, News. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Squid Vicious Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 1:01 am

The CIA will attempt to clone an army of him, and then release him into their enemy’s streets, where he will break into awesome dances, act bizarrely, and touch their children, until the military show up and shoot him.
The large amount of plastic in the original will be replaced with Kevlar and teflon to make him harder to destroy, so vital military personnel and time will be taken up, weakening the defence of whichever country the CIA/US decide to invade and topple the parliament of.
I’d pick Honduras as my bet…

paula reply on July 6th, 2009 2:47 pm:

Honduras is kinda small; maybe it’s gonna be the test case?

captcha: modern unbuckle — not sure where THAT one is going!

Gunrunner Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 1:22 am

Too easy…he didn’t have one…

because:
a) last face job required its removal
b) he hocked it to buy chimp food
c) eaten by zombie in “Thriller” video
d) any combination of the above

Had the luck to be living on the backside of Nevada Test Site* for the last two weeks and got to miss most of the MJ hoopla. *(about 3 miles from Area 51)

laughing-in-class Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 1:47 am

I have two thoughts on this…

1.) He had a brain?!

2.) His family shouldn’t have had to worry about waiting for his brain to come back, the man is 97 percent plastic, he won’t be decomposing any time soon.

strange Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 3:25 am

The government removed his brain to create a zombie king, so they can control the zombie hordes. Soon we will see more outbreaks in Mexico than ever before. Then when we go in a clean up, or take control, the zombie horde will mysteriously show up in Canada. I think this just might be the begining of a new world empire.

Skippy for dictator.

strange reply on July 6th, 2009 3:27 am:

Well I might run for that position.

Shadowydreamer reply on July 6th, 2009 9:41 am:

We tend to elect our zombies to parlimentary positions here in Canada. I’m not worried.

Sequoia Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 8:03 am

The Alien Space Bats are using it to create a clone army of strange Michael Jackson/bat hybrids, all controlled by the hive brain (the original Wacko Jacko brain) and the most powerful Alien Space Bats.

Sequoia reply on July 6th, 2009 8:06 am:

And this paragraph at the bottom of that article made me lol my as off. “- MICHAEL Jackson starred as the Scarecrow in The Wiz, the 1978 musical version of The Wizard of Oz – playing the character without a brain opposite Diana Ross as Dorothy.”

Anonymous and STILL Employed Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 8:41 am

Because the medical examiner is part of a secret sect that that had it removed to stop him returning from the grave to perform “Thriller”. If he did there’d be another concert and he’d spread the zombie plague to thousands of fans and Z Day would begin early.

We owe these mysterious men and women our lives, I will now go and sacrifice a goat to them in thanks

SPC Hyle Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 9:06 am

Question: How would we know if Tom Cruise went all freakjob on us?

Sequoia reply on July 6th, 2009 9:31 am:

He’ll start acting normal.

Shadowydreamer reply on July 6th, 2009 9:42 am:

Maybe he’d jump off buildings instead of couches?

..a girl can dream..

Susan reply on July 9th, 2009 6:15 pm:

SPC Hyle, thanks! I’ve had a horrible week in my McJob in Accounts Payable hell. Laughed so hard at this that I scared my dogs.

Minty Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 10:52 am

I think it’s going to be auctioned off on Ebay by the Jacksons to pay for the lawyers they’re hiring to contest the will.

Billy Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 11:10 am

It decomposed sometime after 1986, he had it replaced with a microchip, which is why his skin began to turn white and why he kept switching himself for plastic. We should be thankful that it was based off of old technology and burnt out, who knows what we would be dealing with had it survived.

TeratoMarty Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 12:41 pm

It’s been stolen. As Michael Jackson goes through the autopsy and macabre orgy of public grief that is the celebrity funeral, various bits will continue to go AWOL and show up either in private auctions or on eBay. Generally it’s the penis that’s nabbed first; personally I’m surprised.

That, or the man was batshit enough to have the thing cryogenically frozen for revival in a cyborg body when technology advances that far. Which adds a whole new creepy dimension to that scenario, since the one thing the Terminators have thus far NOT done is touch small boys in their bathing-suit areas.

paula reply on July 6th, 2009 2:53 pm:

oh, the penis was probably one of the first bits somebody stole off the body: my guess is that whoever took it is just waiting for the REST of the body-bits to go on ebay and get the market excited. You know: the other parts are the chum in the water that’ll get the sharks interest.

captcha: 1/2 hiker — what, you couldn’t afford a WHOLE hiker?!?

Jim C Says:
July 6th, 2009 at 1:38 pm

You just thought thriller was a music video. You didn’t realize it was a documentary. He has been a zombie for years. Why did you think he had so much plastic surgery, the oxygen tank, the masks, and other bizarre behaviors.

Tzanti Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:43 am

Look, he owed half-a-billion dollars, it’s obviously been repossessed.