Having been in the military for quite a while I have heard some of the best “how I am going to kill you” lines out there. I am curious as to what some of yours are.
Some are cliche from some of our favorite movies:
I will gouge out your eyes and skull-fuck you to death.
I’m going to rip off your head and piss in your dead skull.
Some cover mass murder:
The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers.
Now that Michiel has started my head a rolling with the thoughts of cloning I just can’t help but come up with some good cloning humor.
What would I do if I ever encountered my clone?
My first thought would be “Is this the ‘evil’ one?” Then I would think: “Shit, I hope I’m the evil one and can kill him before he comes to the same conclusion.” My next thought would be, do I have enough time to up my life insurance?”
First of all I want to thank Michiel for filling in for me last week, while I was attending GDC. Especially that last post of his. That was from the heart man.
Second of all, here is a giant list from a prospective future officer.
(Submitted by Lauren Fox)
1. Not allowed to insinuate that Cadet Ass molests computers
2. Or drill rifles
3. Or Christmas trees
4. Even if everyone else thinks its funny
5. Can’t claim ownership of freshmen
Feel free to comment.
I found these on the interwebs the other day, and thought I should share. Consider it my apology for the clown porn thing a few months back. – Michiel
You hear people say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I think the definition of insanity is using the same tired cliche over and over and expecting it to be meaningful.
Speaking of cliches…
The first sign that someone is thinking outside of the box is if they can come up with another phrase for thinking outside of the box. It is an old, tired cliche, and is a very “in the box” phrase and people need to stop using it. People use it like they think they are some how edgy and creative but they are not. At best, they are thinking on the other side of the Mobius strip.
Ever since President Obama lifted the ban on stem cell research, the nut jobs have been getting all worried about cloning. I don’t know why anyone would be against cloning unless they are just bigots. Clones are people, just like you and me.
PERSONALITY TEST
If a dead person comes back to life, do you…
(A) seek medical assistance
(B) shoot them in the head
(C) worship them as the son of god
How you answer that question says a lot about you as a person.
If you are dead and come back to life, do you want someone to…
(A) seek medical assistance
(B) shoot you in the head
(C) worship you as the son of god
How you answer that question says a lot about you as a person.
BONUS QUESTION
If you see a beam of light come out of the sky and lift a person off the ground and carry them skyward, do you think that…
(A) they are ascending to heaven
(B) they are being abducted by aliens
(C) those brownies weren’t normal brownies
We often hear people arguing about how racial profiling is wrong. Sure it is wrong to assume that someone is more likely to be the perpetrator of a crime just because of their racial or ethnic background.
But, once in a while, there is a crime committed and you just know who did it. You hear what the crime was, and you can almost picture the perpetrator down to a small freckle on the face.
I present one of these rare instances for you now.
Here is the headline for a news story and the link. But before you go to the link, read the headline and try to guess the race of the perpetrator.
Ready?
Pic Shows Man Robbing Stores With Klingon Sword
Now, tell me the race of this guy.
Did anyone get an answer other than white? If you did, I would love to hear your thinking on that. But, then again, I am not sure how I can explain why as soon as I saw this, I knew it was a white guy. I guess there are just some things you just know.
Some how, I also know that this guys rent and World of Warcraft bill were both due, and that is why he committed the crime. The story doesn’t mention anything about rent or World of Warcraft, but somehow I just know it is true, and you do too.
All of us reading this KNOW it is true, and that is why I think the readers of Skippy’s List need to put our collective heads together and come up with a profile of this menace to the Star Trek legacy society.
Here are my thoughts based on the facts in the story and the photo…
White man in his 20’s. Lives alone in an efficiency apartment, or possibly with parents but has his own space where he can come and go freely without being noticed, possibly a basement or garage apartment.
Based on the time of the robbery, he is either unemployed, or working in a minimum wage job. Possibly works night shift and just got off work prior to crimes. Fast food is a strong possibility for occupation.
Suspect has feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. I base this on the size of the weapon which was smaller than a normal bat’leth, and the fact that he walked out of the second store when he was refused the money that he demanded from the clerk. Also he was dressed in all black with a black face mask. I think that deep down he wishes he was a ninja or possibly Scorpion from the Mortal Combat video game, or something similar that he would consider “bad ass.” It is an image he does not live up to and this bothers him.
Feel free to add to this profile. We have a lot of geeks on this list, and although we may not personally know this guy… we all know this guy.
(Submitted by Soulex?)
1) Not allowed to roll around on the ground in my underwear
2) Not allowed to respond with a death glare when told to do something
3) When asked what I am doing by a SGM I am not allowed to respond with “looking for naked pictures of your mother”
4) As a private, I have no rights
5) I am not allowed to laugh when an NCO tells me he’s a bigger man than I am
6) Nor am I allowed to inquire why a big man can’t take out his own trash or mop his own floors
7) I am not allowed to come to PT wearing a pro mask, even if a certain other private stinks
8) I cannot force someone to take a shower
9) Do not cutoff the CG during a brief anymore midsentence
10) Even though my Dad said I can come home, the Army wont let me
11) I am not allowed to change genders as it will get me kicked out of the military
12) Even if I cover all medical expenses
13) Do not show up to a PT test with a Mountain Dew can and a cigarette lackadaisically to cheer on other soldiers
14) Even if my captain does it
(more…)
A bunch of ideas that didn’t pan out into full posts.
1) Some people believe that once enough emotional energy is invested into something, that thing starts to become real. The thing could be an idea, or a place, or even a person. The idea is that if enough people spend enough time thinking about something, or believing in it, it takes on a sort of life on it’s own.
Some folks even think that this is where gods come from. That they are the manifestation of the emotional outpouring of their followers. There was a movie called Destiny Turns on the Radio which explored this idea with the avatar of Las Vegas traveling around dispensing and taking away luck on a whim. They called him an Animus.
I think Sam Elliot is one of those, but for cowboy movies.
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