Yet Another Monday Morning List Update
This time the list comes courtesy of Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children. Which is probably the only time in your life you will see the word courtesy used in the same sentence as a reference to the USMC.
(Submitted by Dale Fox)
- I am not authorized to make a superhero costume out of garbage bags, duct tape, m-16 mags and a poncho liner and then chase down and tackle another company’s radio man during a FINEX.
- I am not allowed to cut my old cammies into a “combat thong” and run through the other platoons squad bay during a briefing
- It is also not OK to shake my money maker for the company gunny in the same thong
- I am not allowed to fling my own poo at those who throw skittles at me while I’m using a slit trench
- It is not OK to chok the company gunny’s tires just to see what happens
- I am not authorized to ambush the chow truck
- I am not allowed to defecate on the furniture of suspected insurgents to “send them a warning”
- I am not authorized to set off 55 pounds of UXO near the battalion FOB just to show that they don’t check the grids I give them
- My humvee is not a “stunt car”
- I am not authorized to paint 24 inch tall skulls on all the doors of my MAP team’s vehicles
- The phrase “nega hachi chachi” is not the correct response when your CO asks if you “see anything”
- “I’m rockin’ ” is not a proper response to the question “how are you doing” during my XO’s barracks inspection
- It is not OK to call “controlled det” on the radio after the fact
- Sporks in the hair are not acceptable ways to mark EPWs
- “Wag bag” is not the proper title of the SgtMaj, even if he is one
- It is not ok to fire warning shots at the Battalion commander’s convoy when they do not recognize our right of way
- I am not allowed to sink a case of chow mein MREs in the Euphrates and then leave a treasure map
- Semper gumby (always flexible) is not the proper response to officers giving me orders to undo what they told me to do in the first place
- I am not authorized to tip government vehicles on their sides during training to create a road block
- Humvees are not authorized to go on beer runs, especially not to a drive thru
- I am not authorized to practice my WWF moves on Iraqis
- I am not authorized to pillage due to my Viking roots
- Playing Pantera over loudspeakers after a firefight is not Psyops
- Our patrol is not a bunch of MAMs sabotaging the power station (even though battalion told the tanks we were)
- It is not OK to disregard the smallcraft instructors and go over the side “with style”
- Going to Big Muj island is not to be referred to as going on a 3 hours tour
- I am not authorized to publicly display my picks of who would play members of my chain of command in a movie
- Farting into the radio handset is not a proper response, even if you do say “over” after you do it
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September 29th, 2008 at 11:01 am
MAM? Smallcraft? EPW? FINEX?
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Minty reply on September 30th, 2008 12:27 am:
I’ve been using this site:
http://www.acronymfinder.com/
So far, it seems to have a good repository of military acronyms, though you may have to wade through a list to find one that makes sense (like MAM).
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September 29th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Not sure on MAM but smallcraft is probably those tiny rubber boats (not sure artillery doesn’t swim damnit) EPW = Enemy Prisoner of WAr and FINEX is the FINal EXercise, like the last part of a field op, I’m guessing he was playing aggressor at that point or just really really bored.
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Snyarhedir reply on April 4th, 2011 12:56 am:
The first EPW I thought made sense on that website was “Earth-penetrating warhead”.
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September 29th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I’m not in any branch of the armed forced but I think MAM = Military Aged Male.
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September 29th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
forces*
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September 29th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Military-age male
Small watercraft (kodiak boat)
Enemy Prisoner of War
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September 30th, 2008 at 12:28 am
Hee! Nice list.
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September 30th, 2008 at 3:07 am
I’m still tryin’ to wrap my brain around the “camo thong”!
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Jim A reply on November 6th, 2008 6:24 am:
Gee, and I was trying to remove the image from my brain.
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September 30th, 2008 at 3:45 am
i kinda wondering what “style” he went over in
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September 30th, 2008 at 4:51 am
This list reminds me of a T-shirt I once saw.
U.S. Marines: The few, the proud, the completely insane.
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September 30th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Two notes:
Semper Gumbi is one of the greatest military phrases ever.
And when I started making jokes about who would play my chain of command in the movie, my LT ordered me to make a powerpoint presentation which he then distro’d around the battalion.
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October 4th, 2008 at 9:33 am
While i was in iraq this last year, after every company meeting we all had to stand up, salute and say “Semper Gumby” it was so idiotic and embarassing
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October 5th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
I got into trouble when my picks for who would portray who in the chain of command in a movie became public. That brought back memories.
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October 8th, 2008 at 11:27 am
I thought combat thongs were issued these days.
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January 12th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
“nega hachi chachi”???
Am I missing something or did you just pull that out of your ass?
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April 3rd, 2011 at 2:18 am
It took me about thirty seconds (give or take) to realize that USMC stands for United States Marine Corps.
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April 4th, 2011 at 1:04 am
The words “cammies” and “thong” made me think of Cammy from Street Fighter, as a result of both her name and being that she is a soldier and wears no leggings of any kind (excepting, perhaps, her boots). Not that I play Street Fighter, though–I just watched other people play or watched demos in arcades, or parodies, among other things, and came to memorize several characters’ names. (The same goes for Mortal Kombat and the New Grounds/You Tube Mishaps spoofs.)
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