Some Things Not To Do In The Navy
Its the start of the week, medic which as you know by now, ed means that I have a new set of things that someone somewhere learned that they should not do.
(Submitted by YN Torralva)
- I must never call your petty officer first class a dipstick no matter how much he is one.
- If I must, pill then I should try to insure that he is not within earshot at the time.
- I must never say that my chief is wrong. my chief is always right Always
- I must never say my ships Master Chief that he is a dumb ass and you will throw him overboard for being one ( that will get you hack time and that ain’t fun)
- I must never tell the rookie sailors that the shellback ceremony is just a cover for all the gay sex that we have at sea. (That got me more time in hack and i was not very popular with the new sailors on the ship)
- Man Love Thursdays do not apply on a submarine.
- Launching a football from the catapult of an aircraft carrier is not allowed. Especially when the CO and the XO are watching from vultures row.
- Its even worse when you cant catch the ball after it blows back then they just start laughing at you.
- I will never mistake a chief for an ensign. That will equal KP and KP sucks.
- I will not piss of a yeoman. The last time I did that I ended up not being able to leave on liberty when we hit Okinawa.
- When I am in port in Japan it is not my mission to liberate all the schoolgirls from their clothes.
- I will not dare seals to jump off the side of a destroyer.
- I will not dare the Gunners Mate to a shooting challenge while out at sea. It is a waste of ammo and the GM will always kick your ass.
- Our core values are not to rape, scrape, and pillage.
- Even if your Chief taught it to you.
- It is not wise to mention said core values in front of your CO.
- Especially when said Chief is standing next to the CO.
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July 14th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Those last four made my day!
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July 14th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Why can’t you dare SeALs to jump off a destroyer? Its not like they are that high. Daring them to jump off a Carrier would be worse. Not that they would hesitate to jump from either. Although they may volunteer you to go with.
Captcha : Wireless line doenst that defeat the purpose of the wireless part of it?
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barry reply on July 15th, 2008 1:23 am:
its like the one about daring a sere graduate to eat a bug they’ll probably do it
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July 14th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Just out of interest, how far did said football when fired from said catapult?
T.
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July 14th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
If someone could insert the word ‘travel’ into my post, that would be appreciated. I’m moving house today, and I don’t think I unpacked my brain yet.
T.
Captcha: 200,000 objects – No, it just feels like I that much to unpack :(
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Stickfodder reply on July 14th, 2008 10:55 pm:
Actually when I read your post my brain just automatically put in “go” for the missing word.
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July 15th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Hey who said our core values weren’t to rape scrape and pillage, come on we’re descended from pirates how can they be anything else.
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July 15th, 2008 at 12:53 am
I dont think it is considered piracy when it is endorsed/sponsered by the Government. Piracy is more of a freelance thing
Captcha: Washington No – too many possibilities to go with this one
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Minty reply on July 15th, 2008 1:52 am:
I believe the official unofficial government term is “privateer.”
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tzanti reply on July 15th, 2008 5:55 am:
I heard somewhere that the Royal Navy tells me they are still allowed to fly the Jolly Roger in certain circumstances.
T.
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Fractured Cell reply on July 15th, 2008 9:04 pm:
Thats just so the ninjas can spot them in port (only in japan)
as everyone knows, pirates are the sworn enemies of ninjas!
Captcha: in eton (nope, i’m not that smart!)
P.S. Eton is a college for extremely intelligent people here, in the UK.
July 15th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Another for the list:
I will not threaten to haul the CO down to the aft deck and toss him into the screws.
Even if he is a total douchenozzle who thinks Shower Hoursis a great way to keep the Evaps from breaking down.
I will not attempt to sell tickets to the aforementioned event of tossing the old man into the screws.
Even if they are selling really well.
captcha – system learns
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tgobg reply on July 15th, 2008 8:43 am:
is it still considered mutiny if there is no body to be found?
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tzanti reply on July 16th, 2008 12:56 am:
Wasn’t that a NCIS plotline?
T.
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tgobg reply on July 16th, 2008 9:29 am:
if not it should be
Snyarhedir reply on February 27th, 2011 1:24 am:
As a fan of that show, I can honestly say that I love that reference.
August 5th, 2008 at 8:24 am
just a couple more
Do not ask a seal if he can bounce a ball on his nose.
If ordered to disengage the main engine jacking gear don’t repeat the order as “Jack off the main,aye”
It doesn’t matter that is 1700, and that there are women visiting the ship, the quarter deck should not pass the word “ding ding women on board, supper for the crew”
(USS Orion aprox. 1972)
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August 22nd, 2008 at 6:48 am
Do not go to the fireroom and ask for a BT punch (you have come to the right place)
Never go to the engine room looking for “relative bearing grease”
Never go to the engineering spaces running your mouth (you may find that there are outer uses for grease and or bluing)
Never go to deck spaces running your mouth (these folks have ropes and chains, and they know how to use them)
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August 30th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Never throw footwear at an E-3’s head to help him think.
Even if you warned him first.
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July 12th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Must not instruct other Sailors not to feed the Marines after midnight.
“Vultures Row” and “Shooting Range” are not synonyms.
No engine lubricant is intended for personal use.
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October 1st, 2013 at 5:15 pm
Lubber’s line can not be found in the focsl’e line locker.
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