New Friends of Skippy
Well it took me forever, but I have finally started adding to the Friends of Skippy List once again.
(Submitted By SSG Lorraine A. Morrison)
- Do not order boot MP’s to take a larceny report from MSG Ramen at the commissary. They will wander around for hours before they realize that MSG Ramen is a soup
- Do not send buck privates to the motor pool for one gallon of frequency grease.
(Submitted By Brian Hunter)
- Not allowed to label flu season tissues as biological warfare agents.
- Must not label the Texas Chili MRE as chemical warfare.
- Even if it could be used as such.
- Not allowed to start a music act called Run-DMZ.
(Submitted By Chris Jacka)
- Bright colored g-strings are not an acceptable form of underwear for a layout before a FTX.
- It is also not advised to then take said garments on said FTX and come out of the tent while snowed in wearing only a watch cap, boots and silver g-string and run around the mortar.
- Lastly, NEVER, EVER, greet the new E-3 fresh from the Ranger Battalion while wearing a gold g-string and combat boots and gently ask him if he needs anything.
(Submitted By Jessica Hoeting)
- I’m not a ninja, and they CAN see me
(Submitted By CPL Ian Yee -Who was a very busy lad)
- Hedonism is not an army authorized religion. Therefore I’m not allowed to build a church, cult, or donation box for the Church of Hedonism. Nor can I be the chaplain of said church.
- “Surprise Sex” or “Ambush Sex” is not a valid substitute for the phrase “sexual assault”.
- “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” is the army’s policy for gays, not an appropriate response when asked by your chain of command why you showed up to formation in your underwear.
- You may not refer to members of your chain of command as the “weakest link”.
- You also may not hold a vote to decide which member of your chain of command you can “boot off the island”.
- CLP is used to lubricate weapons. Not for personal use.
- The Air Force is a service, not how hard you blow up your inflatable “significant other”.
- Your dog does not count as immediate family, therefore you cannot use that as a reason to go home on emergency leave.
- Do not bang the bottom of a Mk 19 round and attempt to play football with it.
- Especially in front of your chain of command.
- Especially when you’re throwing it to your chain of command.
- “Hooyah Master Chief” is not an appropriate way to respond to any army officer.
- Work is not a valid allergy to put on your medical records. Neither is BS, officers, NCO’s, or latrine duty.
- Just because you say you’re allergic to latrines does not give you permission to piss anywhere you want. The Sergeant Major’s flower bed thanks you.
- Do not try to speed in your humvee and use the excuse “I needed to go 88 mph to achieve 1.21 jiggawatts Sir!”
- You may not combine any part of the uniform at any time. Therefore shower shoes, pt shorts, IBA, and beret is not an acceptable duty uniform. No matter how sexy you say you look.
- MySpace is a place for friends, not for posting guard rosters or passing out information to your soldiers.
- It is not appropriate to say the word “asshole” after saying the rank of sergeant major.
- The OPFOR patch is not an authorized combat patch.
- I will not hand out tickets for driving the speed limit.
- I will not replace the COL PARKING ONLY sign with a SPC PARKING ONLY sign.
- Just because you put a handicapped sticker on your humvee doesn’t mean you can take the C.O.’s spot.
- Do not replace all the contents of the first aid kits with water and Motrin.
- CamelBaks are for water, not beer.
- Not everyone in the Navy is called Seamen.
- Also, the proper spelling of Seamen is not semen.
- There is no such thing as Specialist grade article 15’s, so stop handing them out.
- You cannot trade guard shifts with the voices in your head.
- You cannot request Amsterdam, Cancun, or the Playboy Mansion as your preferred duty station.
- Checking out a female is not called “Reconnaissance of friendly lines”.
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April 28th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Oh, for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. These had me nearly off my chair laughing.
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April 28th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
a lot of those took me back to basic and i contemplated them see ones bout mk19
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April 28th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
“shower shoes, pt shorts, IBA, and beret”
sounds super hot to me!
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April 29th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Here are a few good ones from my time in the Army, or stories my Army buddies have told me:
1. Must not goof off near drill sergeant’s office window.
2. Even if it is three stories up, he WILL jump out, combat roll, and smoke you
3. When engaging in partner-assisted PT, make sure to bring your blank adapters, so that you do not have to get “rodded off the range”
4. Especially if you had an Air Force training aid
5. You are expected to laugh when your 1st Sgt starts off a story with, “No sh*t, there I was… knee-deep in spent ”
6. Even if it isn’t funny.
7. When your Chain of Command gets in their dress blues and serves you lunch at the DFAC, you do not refuse what they give you.
8. Even if they grunt at you when they give it to you.
9. “24-Hour Quarters” does not mean that you are supposed to be “In your quarters for 24 hours”
10. If you think #9 is true, you are a disgrace to your family name.
11. Must always keep barracks room clean.
12. Even if there is a colony of pigeons living above your ceiling tiles.
13. Not allowed to bring airsoft and/or paintball guns into barracks, even if it is to “rid the post of the zombie alien pigeon menace.”
14. Always wait to go to the bathroom until AFTER PT in the morning; you never know when a suprise piss test will make you lose 2 hours waiting for you to have to go to the bathroom again.
15. Must not get high off of cough medicine.
16. While on post.
17. While in the post movie theatre.
18. And then get caught pissing on the BC’s house.
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April 29th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Here’s one from a recent FTX. Don’t drink the diesel.
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May 1st, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Had to leave a comment… I deployed with OPFOR… I wear the patch :)
GERONIMO!
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May 2nd, 2008 at 2:54 am
Haha, I got a few, and I just got out of AIT last November…
1. Just because they say “It’s not rape if you yell surprize” in BCT does NOT mean it’s o.k. to tell your CO. Because he’ll misunderstand and think it was taught during BCT. Slow new guy.
2. Don’t tell your CO ANYTHING! Especially about the half-gallon of whisky in your rucksack. On the day of going to the field.
3. If a commander from another unit says not to drink in the barracks does not mean you can drink in front of the commander of that unit. Especially during said briefing.
4. If you’re drunk, don’t take the advice of a fortune cookie. This is a long story which involves, but is not limited to strippers, swords, and MP’s…
5. Just because no one is pressing charges for #4 does not mean you can flaunt the fact that you did not get into any trouble. Especially in front of the Drill Sergeants who just lost their DS status during your AIT.
6. Especially because it happened during AIT.
All I could think of at the moment. Ya’ll take care and I hope I didn’t bore anyone.
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May 2nd, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Telling the low flying harrier jet pilot that “If pulls that shit one more time he’ll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dogshit out of Hong Kong.” at the post flight debrief is always a bad idea.
Telling an SAS sniper he “couldn’t hit a cow on the arse with a banjo” bad idea.
Asking the CO for the afternoon of “as the surf is pumping, it was sets of six and eight this morning, and the tide is dropping”
Challenging the PT instructors to come out for a surf when its double overhead plus, snowing getting dark.
Playing Junkjard Wars (scrapheap challenge) on a military installation is forbidden, especially at weekends.
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May 3rd, 2008 at 11:07 pm
RE: Submitted By Jessica Hoeting
This thread is worthless without pics!
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July 11th, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Things I shouldn’t do in Finnish Army barracks:
*Not allowed to walk in the hallway between 2200 and 2300.
*Not allowed to stay in showers from 2200 through 2300 even if walking in the hallway is forbidden until 2300.
Things I should not do while guarding the communications centre:
*Should not sleep.
*Should not use army computers to play solitaire.
*Should not use army computers to IRC.
*Should not eat or drink.
*Should not smoke.
*Should not let others sleep or hide from the brass in the communications centre, or eat, drink or smoke.
*Anyone who has no real business in the comm centre must not be there, period.
*This excludes my squad leader and platoon commander.
Things I should not do while being duty NCO or his/her deputy:
*Should not sleep.
*Every conscript going in or out must report to the duty NCO or his/her deputy where they are going/ where they are coming from, no exceptions.
*While I wear the duty NCO’s gorget I am everyone else’s superior, they must do what I tell them to do.
*When I am not wearing the gorget those who in fact outrank me can and will get their revenge.
*When on duty in the night, should not leave my post.
*Even though I am not allowed to leave the post I still have to count the rifles.
*When I leave my post to go to the toilet and find the installation’s security chief waiting for me on my post when returning the explanation ‘I was counting the rifles’ won’t do, there are no rifle racks in the toilet as I should know, having just returned from there.
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