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Archive for April 25th, 2008

False Advertising!

Friday, April 25th, 2008

I recently purchased one of the fancy new Series Three Tivos. I’ve had a first generation one for years, and I was finally tempted by all the new features available one the latest version. The only problem I had was that I now had to re-enter all of my TV shows. So to make it easier, I decided to go through the list of every show that Tivo could find, and tag all of the ones that I liked. I discovered two important facts.

First there are a lot more shows on cable television than I had previously suspected. Secondly, there are an awful lot of television programs that appear to be “adult oriented”. Unfortunately this was not the case and they misled me into recording them.

Sara’s Secrets – To a man, anything that starts with a woman’s name and ends with “secret” means sexy underwear. Alas, this was a cooking show.

Sweat on the Beach – This was some kind of obstacle course.

Whitetail Diaries – This show was about hunting, and not very tan women as I had imagined.

Singles Pleasing the Lord – This was a religious show.

Answering the Masters Call – So was this. Why do shows about God sound creepily like the titles of bondage fetish porn?

World’s Richest Penthouses – This had absolutely nothing to do with the magazine.

Shop Erotic – It turns out that the home shopping channels sometimes host “passion parties”.

Bare Essentials – This is a QVC special on skin care. On a side note, if you are really into making informed skin care decisions there are probably better places to go than QVC.

The Bad Girls Club – I hate you Oxygen network! This show had absolutely no right not to be porn.

Wife Swap – This was technically not false advertising, but was nowhere near as interesting as I thought it would be.

The Big Bang Theory – This is a good show, but not what I was expecting.

Boxcar Bertha – This could have been the bum-fights of porn. But instead it was a period movie.

What you get for the money –This is about buying a house. Not a floozy.

Tuna Wranglers – Turns out this show is actually about tuna. Go figure.

Honorable mention goes to Hoover Innovations, because I though it said Hooker Innovations and wound up getting psyched up for a documentary on vacuum cleaners.