Well it took me forever, but I have finally started adding to the Friends of Skippy List once again.
(Submitted By SSG Lorraine A. Morrison)
- Do not order boot MP’s to take a larceny report from MSG Ramen at the commissary. They will wander around for hours before they realize that MSG Ramen is a soup
- Do not send buck privates to the motor pool for one gallon of frequency grease.
(Submitted By Brian Hunter)
- Not allowed to label flu season tissues as biological warfare agents.
- Must not label the Texas Chili MRE as chemical warfare.
- Even if it could be used as such.
- Not allowed to start a music act called Run-DMZ.
(Submitted By Chris Jacka)
- Bright colored g-strings are not an acceptable form of underwear for a layout before a FTX.
- It is also not advised to then take said garments on said FTX and come out of the tent while snowed in wearing only a watch cap, boots and silver g-string and run around the mortar.
- Lastly, NEVER, EVER, greet the new E-3 fresh from the Ranger Battalion while wearing a gold g-string and combat boots and gently ask him if he needs anything.
(Submitted By Jessica Hoeting)
- I’m not a ninja, and they CAN see me
(Submitted By CPL Ian Yee -Who was a very busy lad)
- Hedonism is not an army authorized religion. Therefore I’m not allowed to build a church, cult, or donation box for the Church of Hedonism. Nor can I be the chaplain of said church.
- “Surprise Sex” or “Ambush Sex” is not a valid substitute for the phrase “sexual assault”.
- “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” is the army’s policy for gays, not an appropriate response when asked by your chain of command why you showed up to formation in your underwear.
- You may not refer to members of your chain of command as the “weakest link”.
- You also may not hold a vote to decide which member of your chain of command you can “boot off the island”.
- CLP is used to lubricate weapons. Not for personal use.
- The Air Force is a service, not how hard you blow up your inflatable “significant other”.
- Your dog does not count as immediate family, therefore you cannot use that as a reason to go home on emergency leave.
- Do not bang the bottom of a Mk 19 round and attempt to play football with it.
- Especially in front of your chain of command.
- Especially when you’re throwing it to your chain of command.
- “Hooyah Master Chief” is not an appropriate way to respond to any army officer.
- Work is not a valid allergy to put on your medical records. Neither is BS, officers, NCO’s, or latrine duty.
- Just because you say you’re allergic to latrines does not give you permission to piss anywhere you want. The Sergeant Major’s flower bed thanks you.
- Do not try to speed in your humvee and use the excuse “I needed to go 88 mph to achieve 1.21 jiggawatts Sir!”
- You may not combine any part of the uniform at any time. Therefore shower shoes, pt shorts, IBA, and beret is not an acceptable duty uniform. No matter how sexy you say you look.
- MySpace is a place for friends, not for posting guard rosters or passing out information to your soldiers.
- It is not appropriate to say the word “asshole” after saying the rank of sergeant major.
- The OPFOR patch is not an authorized combat patch.
- I will not hand out tickets for driving the speed limit.
- I will not replace the COL PARKING ONLY sign with a SPC PARKING ONLY sign.
- Just because you put a handicapped sticker on your humvee doesn’t mean you can take the C.O.’s spot.
- Do not replace all the contents of the first aid kits with water and Motrin.
- CamelBaks are for water, not beer.
- Not everyone in the Navy is called Seamen.
- Also, the proper spelling of Seamen is not semen.
- There is no such thing as Specialist grade article 15’s, so stop handing them out.
- You cannot trade guard shifts with the voices in your head.
- You cannot request Amsterdam, Cancun, or the Playboy Mansion as your preferred duty station.
- Checking out a female is not called “Reconnaissance of friendly lines”.
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