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I Have an Idea for a Movie

May 5th, 2014 by skippy

It starts with two women who are discussing the Bechdel test.

Next they have forty-five minutes of obscenely graphic lesbian sex.

Technically, order it passes the test for gender equality.

I Found My Password

May 5th, 2014 by skippy

This post will probably shock the heck out of those folks who are subscribed, but totally forgot I existed since I haven’t actually posted in a reeeeeaaally long time.

For the foreseeable future, I’m just going to post the random stuff that pops into my head here, instead of on Facebook.

Maybe someday, if I feel up to it, I will discus why I have been gone for so long.

Skippy and the Cat in Heat

November 23rd, 2013 by

So, we adopted a kitten a few months back. We’re all about the spay and neuter pets thing, but we missed the deadline for her biological clock.

Understand that she’s a very social cat that likes all people. But last week, there was a full day where she wanted nothing to do with anyone that wasn’t my husband. And there was lots of cat moaning and rubbing and doing all the weird things cats do when they are in heat. Most of which was directed at Skippy.

He was starting to get a little weirded out by it. At one point, Skippy looks at her and says, “Cat, I am SO not gonna get it on with you.”

Later, a male friend came over. Our female cat proceeded to divide her attention between Skippy and his friend. The moaning and rubbing against them continued. She eventually sat between the two of them as they watched a movie, alternating her affections between the two.

Friend: “Dude, what’s up with your cat?”

Skippy: “Kitty wants a three way.”

Last Bits from Skippy Sez

August 4th, 2013 by

Here’s the last of it, for those of you too lazy busy to go to the original site. And then I’ll start posting more original stuff here.

BTW, did you know I have my own blogs? I write my own stuff (far less often than I want to) at FacedownInGoldfishCrackers. I’m not half as funny as my husband (I think, though others have told me they think I’m hilarious) and I tend to be more political and introspective and stuff.

I also write on my business site. I write for website owners on all the non-technical aspects of website ownership (although I’m planning to start writing more design and dev stuff for that part of my audience too).

I love to write! I just never have time, what with having a day job, running a business, and herding twins. And a kitten. And a ferret. And Skippy. And there’s World of Warcraft to play, and I just started Diablo 3, and…squirrel! Hey, I’ve got a book written too. It’s in the editing phase now.

And now, for more stuff Skippy Said.

More of Skippy Sez

July 18th, 2013 by

Hi Everyone,

Here’s some more I’m bringing over from Skippy Sez. Since I’ll be posting here regularly instead, I’m going to eventually just shut that site down. At the least, redirect it over here.

Here’s more stuff my husband Skippy has said.


Just now: pizza cutters

June 12th, 2013 by

Skippy: “I’ve discovered the pizza cutter has a finger guard similar to a fighting knife. This should in no way concern you.”

Skippy Sez: Posts from Mrs. Skippy

June 12th, 2013 by

Hi! *waves*.

My name is Janice Schwarz, known to you all here as “Mrs. Skippy”. (Outside of here, I’m known as GeekArtist. Or I use my real name; you can find me. Anyone that can’t find me online isn’t looking hard enough.)

Because my husband has been really busy with his game business, I’ll to start posting post on his behalf.


Ok, actually, I started this site called Skippy Sez, Life With Skippy: The Things Skippy Doesn’t Write, But His Wife Does. Yes, this is stuff he actually says, in real life. I don’t have enough of a way with words to make this shit up.

But I neglected to tell anyone about it. So ya know, it sat there. So I’m going to start posting those here instead.


Day 2

October 3rd, 2012 by skippy

181% funded.  Woo!

Captain’s Log
Space Date 20120210

The GSC Incautious left the Alpha Centauri system to transport Admiral Taylor to a diplomatic conference of Arachne IV. There were some minor incidents between the diplomats, prostate but my skilled and capable crew were able to smooth them over. Naturally there were casualties.

Casualty Report

CPO Fowler: As it turns out “Nibbled to death by ducks” is not just an idiom.
CPO Buckmaster: Disappeared on a planet of filthy simian humanoids.
Petty Officer Harvey: Found a strange alien puzzle box. Then he opened it.
CPO Maelic001: Radiation suits. They’re not for show people.
CPO James: Attempted to reconfigure the engines for more power. It worked significantly better than anticipated.
CPO: Thomas: Witnesses claim he was eaten by an invisible dinosaur.
CPO Tretter: Arachnid diplomat laid eggs in his brain and frankly, ailment he’s being a bit of a baby about it.
CPO Simpson: Death by Snu-Snu.
CPO Spurlin: Last seen yelling “Hey y’all. Watch this!”
CPO Amelia: Attempted to solve a non-euclidian geometry problem.
CPO Hall: Was found flat, inside of a giant footprint.
CPO Flemming: Was measuring the angular vector of a black hole and, well, he fell in.
CPO Page: Debated ethics with an omnipotent space being, with predictable results.
CPO Trnavsky: You know how there’s that latch to stop your helmet from coming off your hostile environment suit? Well neither did Trnavsky.
CPO Bruce: Contracted an exploding tumor.
CPO Mills: “It’s standing right behind me, isn’t it?”
CPO Furman: It turns out there was something in his closet after all.
CPO JohnB: From now on crewmen will only be allowed into alien lavatories in buddy teams.
CPO Akin: After the 319th vers of “Henry the 8th I am” he committed suicide.
Ensign Pascoe: Tested the new experimental Teleporter Array. Died upon being teleported inside another object.
CPO Allard: Died upon having Ensign Pascoe teleported inside of him.
CPO Hahn: Attempted to repair the exhaust port. Died when some redneck dropped a torpedo down it.
Ensign Zahniser: Poked some slime with a stick.
CPO Foley: Turns out that space station was abandoned for a reason
CPO Downing: Space Cooties
CPO Maghouin: Murdered and eaten by space grammar nazis. In the maintenance room.
CPO Surface: We’re not really sure, but boy was it hard to clean up.
CPO Kidd: Taunted a happy fun ball.
CPO Van Horn: Accidentally damaged the duplicator, and drowned in cream of mushroom soup.
Space Merchant Hendrickson: Brought small furry and perfectly harmless creatures aboard the ship with predictable results.
CPO Payawal: Was sent to see what happened to the last six teams to investigate the alien device. Has not yet reported back.
CPO Strack: Attempted to perform science on an energy being. The energy being was not enthusiastic about this development.
CPO Cruz: Was hoisted on his own Pikkard.
Ensign Wilson: It turns out Remulan doomsday devices are not as easy to defuse as you might think.
CPO Gulick: Visited the planet of beautiful, utopian and totally not suspicious women.
CPO: Carpenter: Crushed by a plummeting whale.
CPO Viar: It turns out the air on that planet wasn’t breathable after all.
CPO Odean: Sold to a crime lord to cover a gambling debt. My bad.
CPO Expendable: Really? Do I even have to explain what happened to this guy?
Commander Berezansky: Died at the hands of a previously unknown alien species. More details will be available as soon as his records tell us what they are.
CPO Ferry: Disintegrated by what appeared to be a salt shaker with a toilet plunger glued on.
CPO Shelky: Fell into a chocolate river, and then fell into the filter.
CPO Collard: The ship’s computer turned evil. Again.
Space Merchant Grimzag: Sometimes the shiny jewels are eggs. Just saying.
CPO Lovejoy: Was two days from retirement, with predictable results.
CPO Hanna: Went up against a Sicilian when death was on the line.
CPO Brown: Tragic goldfish incident. We don’t like to talk about it.
CPO Lynch: Some rocks can explode. You know because of science and stuff.
CPO Markosky: Murdered by some guy with a machete and a hockey mask, and who had no reason to be in space.
Space Merchant Twitchell: Was yanked screaming into an air duct in an incident that we are almost positive as not related to the previous two air duct deaths.
CPO Biernesser: The enertia dampener didn’t.
CPO Fabbi: Was accidentally sent to the dark mirror universe. It’s okay we like evil Fabbi better.
Petty Officer Kelbaugh: Some aliens trapped him in a crystal for no suitable explained reason.
Crewman Plunkett: The mission to deactivate the smash-bot 3000 did not go as anticipated.
Assume all subsequent crew died from falling rocks. I’m tired.

Day 1

October 2nd, 2012 by skippy

Thirty backers, and just shy of 25% of the total goal. I think that qualifies as a good first day. All we need to do is make sure that we keep up this level of interest, the WeaselPants Production Crew will be sitting on a giant pile of money. But instead of rolling around in this large money pile we will instead convert it into a smaller pile of games, some of which will be sent to you. So thanks for the strong start out of the gate, and keep showing us off to your friends.

Captain’s Log
Space Date 20120110

The GSC Incautious engaged on a routine patrol of the Alpha Centauri system. No major events transpired during the voyage. Just a calm peaceful cruise with no surprises. Naturally there were some unavoidable casualties.

Casualty Report

CPO Kadolph: Attempted to execute a standard external repair. Forgot space suit.
CPO Kowalczeski: Testing a new mine detection system. It worked. Sort of.
CPO Systems: Was found <redacted for security purposes> and a 14 gallon drum of rum.
CPO Covington: Beaten to death. With his own Fayzor.
CPO Lorenzen: Eaten by cats in her cabin. We have no idea why she had so many.
Crewman Sean: Control panel exploded for no discernible reason.
CPO Braley: Well now we know what happens when you press that big red button.
CPO Dusty: Was teleported down to a holographic planet. Our bad.
CPO Brigdon: We don’t know what that thing was, but we’re pretty sure it’s in the air ducts now.
Crewman Sullivan: Legs found dangling out of an air duct. Torso not yet located.
CPO Wood: Explaining to subordinates what a cautionary tale is. Ironically as it turns out.
CPO Cassiday: Played Orc Barbarian on the Simu-deck, which malfunctioned.
CPO John: Played Space Ninja Racer on the Simu-deck, which malfunctioned.
CPO Tipton: Played Fuzzy Bunny Time on the Simu-deck. Why do we have that thing again?
CPO Trader: Surprise birthday party went horribly awry.
CPO Buxtion: Was rather unfortunately in between the cake and the device at said party.
CPO Sands: Found a pile of ash in his boots.
CPO Jackson: All witnesses swear he launched himself out of a torpedo tube.
CPO Quin: Nobody knew his species wasn’t supposed to be that color until it was too late.
Ensign Kent: Conjugated a verb improperly in front of a Klang’on. Klang’ons love grammar.
CPO ChrisS: Accidentally beaten to death with Ensign Kent.
CPO Ben-Orr: Burned as a witch. Long story. Don’t ask.
CPO JaredK: Robots don’t understand sarcasm.
CPO CH: Nerve pinches don’t work on carnivorous plants. Well now we know.
CPO Smallwood: Look, we told him not to play with the creepy alien child.
CPO Darling: Crush by the safety grating of the plasma thrust intake during maintenance.
Space Trader Overstreet: Sucked into a plasma thrust intake during cargo inspection.
CPO Frank: Incinerated after being sent to see “What’s that clonking noise in the plasma intake.”
CPO Ruskin: Dove through one of those blast doors that iris closed. Made it halfway.
CPO Roberts: Was attack by a sparkly space vampire. Died of embarrassment.
CPO Gibbs: Blood seeped out from under his door and frankly, nobody wanted to go look.
CPO Bampton: “It’s a shark! how did a shark get he–” Then a sort of wet crunchy noise over his communicator.

Redshirts 2nd Edition

October 1st, 2012 by skippy

So the day has finally arrived. WeaselPants Productions is launching it’s first Kickstarter campaign.  We are looking to print an updated version of Redshirts, and better quality cards.  Even a small expansion set right in the box.

Now some of you might ask why we are doing that so quickly on the heels of the initial release of Redshirts.  Well I’ll tell you.

It started of with “We need to reprint we are running out.”

And then we added, “And we need to update the rules a little, iron out the kinks and get a real tech writer so it’s less confusing.  And maybe cram a few more house rules in that people liked”

And then “I wonder if we could add more cards?  More cards would be good. No not more cards…and expansion!”

And thus things spiraled out of control.  As sometimes happens here.

The short version is that we just need a small boost the get over the last hump to get this puppy out of the door, and we have some awesome rewards like copies of the game, exclusive Kickstarter cards, and custom cards.  That is real, printed, you can use them in the game cards.  And that’s only partway up the reward chart.

So go ahead, and have a look, and share it with your friends.