Last Bits from Skippy Sez
Here’s the last of it, for those of you too lazy busy to go to the original site. And then I’ll start posting more original stuff here.
BTW, did you know I have my own blogs? I write my own stuff (far less often than I want to) at FacedownInGoldfishCrackers. I’m not half as funny as my husband (I think, though others have told me they think I’m hilarious) and I tend to be more political and introspective and stuff.
I also write on my business site. I write for website owners on all the non-technical aspects of website ownership (although I’m planning to start writing more design and dev stuff for that part of my audience too).
I love to write! I just never have time, what with having a day job, running a business, and herding twins. And a kitten. And a ferret. And Skippy. And there’s World of Warcraft to play, and I just started Diablo 3, and…squirrel! Hey, I’ve got a book written too. It’s in the editing phase now.
And now, for more stuff Skippy Said.
Brain Love:
So, Skippy has an ear infection and a ruptured ear drum. This means his ear periodically, um, leaks.
I’m not squeamish. Never have been, and definitely not after having kids.
But the ear goo…ew.
So we’re in the car and he says, “Crap get me a tissue!”.
I hand him one dangling from my fingers, exclaiming, “Don’t touch my hand with your ooze!”.
He says: “You mean you don’t want my brain juice?”
Me: “No. It’s…pus…bleah.”
Skippy: “It’s my brain drooling for you!”
Me: “Ew.”
Skippy: “It’s my brain going BWLALAALALALLALALALALAL for you!” (Waggling his tongue at me, mouth wide open: the tongue waggle that only middle-aged men think is sexy.)
Me: “Not sexy.”
Monkey Butt:
“Pick whatever you want to watch, my hands are full of monkey butt.”
(I turn to look: Skippy while sewing a torn, stuffed monkey for our 3 year old daughter.)
You Did Not Hear What You Thought You Heard:
It should be noted, that Skippy is not feeling well today. This is important to remember in what follows.
I was just discussing with him that I have decided to announce that I’m writing a book, and I’m going to hold a contest for the title. When I told him what the prize would be, his response was confusing.
Skippy: “Wait. WHAT?? Wait, what are you doing???”
Me: “I’m going to announce that I’m writing a book. I’m going to hold a contest to give it a title. The winner gets a year of free web hosting.”
Skippy: “Oh. I thought you said a year’s supply of Fritos. I was trying to figure out just how you thought you were going to do that.”
Me: “…”
I have no idea how his brain replaced “web hosting” with “Fritos”. Also, it should say something about our relationship (and/or me) that he took “Fritos” at face value. I’m not sure what it says, but it says something.
Emergency Chocolate:
So.
I’ve just discovered that my husband has a hidden stash of candy.
For those days when he feels he needs to fling a bag at me and run for his life.
Yep. That’s life with Skippy.
August 4th, 2013 at 11:20 pm
The Emergency Chocolate Stash is a most reasonable and sane precaution.
August 13th, 2013 at 9:23 am
Please tell Skippy I feel for him. I’ve had the ear goo on several occasions. People tend to understand when you frantically grab a tissue and dab at your nose. No one understands when you dab at your ear.
And the rest: You ARE hilarious!
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Best guess on Fritos:
Skippy’s ears caught “free” + “hosting” which condensed to “free hos”
a quick pass through the recognition filter made it
Fritos.
February 24th, 2014 at 2:27 pm
Skippy was in the military. I’m surprised he didn’t hear it as “Free hos”
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I have one for my mother.
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