Archive for the ‘News’ Category

Winners have been selected.

They will be announced when I actually write the post to explain the list item.

I will most likely put the first one up tomorrow.  To tide you over, unhealthy enjoy these fine internet thingies.

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Today’s post is due to a convergence of two facts.

1) I haven’t felt particularly inspired to write for a while. Normally when that happens I pick a list item, and write the story about how it came about.

2) I still have a bunch of the Squid Pie stuff sitting around.

And so I had a contest idea.

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Just for the record, I have pretty much run through all of the guest stories that I had piled up.  Which means that if you have a funny story, now would be a good time to send it in.  I still give preference for military stories, but I’ll take anything as long as it’s funny.  This could also be used to plug your own site, if you so desire.

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So my wife’s birthday is this Friday.  And to celebrate this wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman, who for some reason is willing to put up with my nonsense, I have offered to take her out to any restaurant that she desires.

She chose the Heart Attack Grill.

I love this woman.

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Originally I was planning to follow up LT Ronald’s post on the election with one offering up my thoughts on how it turned out.

I was going to exaggerate the issues to make the other side look foolish.    Blindly repeat sound bites no matter how ludicrous or discredited.  Question both the intelligence and loyalty of any folks who dared to display a different set of political beliefs than me.

You know, all the stuff that passes for civilized political discourse in our country nowadays.

But instead I’ll post this video, that I ironically became aware of when one of my readers made a comment that annoyed me, and I went to look at his site. (Thanks to Phelps for the video.)

So you know what?  It’s time to put the paddle down, no matter how naughty you think the dead horse has been.  If you are happy with the outcome of the election, be magnanimous in your victory.  Remember how it felt the last time your side lost, and try not to rub it in the other guy’s face.  If you are unhappy with the outcome, rest assured that our country can survive the next four years; try to graciously accept that this time the majority disagreed with you this time around.

Also I’m very disappointed that more of you didn’t vote for me as a write in candidate.

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A quick note on names.

Just in case people haven’t noticed up until this point, I never use real names when telling my Army stories. This is because of two reasons.

The first is to protect the innocent. And guilty for that matter. I figure that some of the people I am telling stories about might still be in the service. Some might be in military-related jobs on the civilian side now. And not everybody has a sense of humor. I’d hate to see someone start getting crap or miss out on a promotion opportunity because I told a story that put them in an unflattering light. Or even just because they have a grouchy commander who doesn’t think Skippy’s List was very funny.

Even if they were in the habit of saying really stupid things, or acting like an idiot, I like to imagine that they grew up and got over it since then.

Also I try to remember all the idiotic things I have done, and how much I would hate it if someone put those all over the internet for everyone to laugh at me.

The second reason is that many of these stories happened a very long time ago. And I used to drink a lot. And I honestly don’t remember everyone’s name. Now get off my lawn.

On another note, I am beginning to reach empty on my “Magical bin of hilarious guest stories”. Which means that you guys aren’t sending any in. So get on that.

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As you may have noticed I have been using my site as a forum for soldiers and veterans to share their funny stories. And so I get stuff emailed to me I read through it, generic and put the best ones I find up here.

Some of the stories I get sent are funny, generic but not written in a particularly comedic manner. Up to this point I have gone back and forth with the original writers to try to help them polish it up. Unfortunately this is beginning to eat up a bunch of my time, when it would probably be faster for me to just re-write the thing.

And so that is the new policy on submissions. If you send me a story, I will edit it, and possibly re-write a portion of it, to make it a funnier read. You will still get credit for writing the story, I will just mention that I helped you to tell it.

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Ever since I have started writing this blog, I have have started getting an increase in traffic. And the increase in traffic has in turn lead to an increase in questions being emailed to me. I don’t mind, I like the attention and I certainly have no problem sharing any experiences I have in both the military and the game industry. But I do wind up getting similar questions a lot. So to combat that problem, and to help provide a resource for people who might want more information on those subjects, I have created two new pages.

So you want to be a soldier?

and

So you want to make video games?

From now on, all questions I receive about either subject are going up there, unless the submitter specifically asks me not to.

Also, I’m leaving comments on because as unlikely as it sounds, I don’t necessarily know everything, and sometimes someone else may have other helpful ideas.

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Whelp, it looks like I’m going to unveil the first guest writer soon. And before anyone says anything, Michiel doesn’t count as a guest. He’s pretty much moved in and has his feet up on the coffee table.

But due to some of the submissions I have received, I feel that I may need to lay out some ground rules.

Things that are good to email me:

1. Funny military stories
2. Funny stories in general
3. Links to amusing things
4. Treasure maps. (Hey you never know)
5. Additions for the “Friends of Skippy” list
6. Suggestions for things you would like for me to write about
7. A picture of you wearing a Squid Pie t-shirt
8. Questions that you would like me to answer
9. New Skippy’s List Variants you have found
10. Suggestive pictures (if you are a woman)

Things that are bad to email to me:

1. Fanfic
2. Even if it’s Skippy’s List themed
3. Even if “I swear you’ll like this one”
4. Suggestive pictures (if you are not a woman)
5. Anything that violates OPSEC.
6. Please do not confess to any criminal acts. There is a difference between light-hearted mischief and felony assault
7. Especially don’t do 5 or 6 from government email accounts
8. Please do not make me an “accessory after the fact”
9. Do not make a transcript of anything you and your friends did while drinking “epic quantities of peppermint schnapps”
10. To the cosplay folks with the camcorder: Bonus points for creativity, now please never do that again

Not funny legal junk:

Material submitted to appear on Skippy’s List is still your property, thus you retain the copyright. Nobody reads the legal stuff, so I bet you’re not even reading this. I will only use your submitted material on this web site unless I receive written permission from you to use it elsewhere. I like turtles. I will not claim your material as my own. Please don’t send other people’s work. Seriously, no fanfic. If you wish, I will put yoursubmission on my site with your email and a link to your website. Unless I don’t feel like it for some reason. Your material may be edited for grammatical and spelling corrections. Void where prohibited by law. I’m not paying for submissions at this time, and am not likely to start in the future. This is just a way to share some funny stories with the world on the Intertubes. La zona blanca está para el cargamento y descargar solamente.

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I have thought about it long and hard and decided that I am going to allow other people to write for my site. This doesn’t mean that I will be writing any less. This just means that in addition to my weekly update there will be other new material as well. I have a few writers lined up who will be making their debut shortly, but I am still looking for people with funny military stories. If you have any, and think you might like to write a post or two here, please send me an email.

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