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Archive for the ‘Family’ Category


Friday, October 29th, 2010

When I went in on Monday for the procedure, my doctor assured me that by Thursday I would be able to resume normal activities.

Clearly wrangling two infants does not fall into his definition of “normal activities”.

As I understand it, the Inuit people have a whole bunch of words relating to snow, because snow was such an important concept to them.

Well my children evidently have about 26 words for “Punching daddy in the testicles.”

Cutting The Swim Team

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

So I had planned to write something cute and witty yesterday, about a situation that I felt might be comedy gold.

Instead I just sat on the couch and watched TV and whimpered.

This weekend my family and friends celebrated my ability to keep babies alive, and the fact that my wife and I had somehow managed to get through it with at least some shred of our sanity still tenaciously clinging to our battered heads.

And on Monday I went and got myself fixed. Because frankly two children is enough. Any more than that and they will outnumber the adults. And then they will win.


Friday, October 22nd, 2010

We are rapidly approaching the first birthday of my children.  So it would appear that we have managed to keep them alive for a full year.  I imagine there may have been some bets amongst my readers covering this possibility.

As I think back over the past year, I am reminded of all of the things that being a new parent has taught me. (more…)

Nighty Night Daddy

Thursday, October 7th, 2010

The other night my daughter was sitting on my lap, stuff while I was watching television. She had at some point previously managed to snag a small pillow. I think it was originally velcroed in to her car seat, ed not sure where she found it, click but as small objects the baby can grab a small pillow seemd pretty innocuous.

As I sat there minding my own business, my little girl turns around and looks up at me. She stood up on my lap, the pillow clutched in both hands. She made eye contact and smiled. Then very slowly but firmly she wedged the pillow over my nose and mouth. She made quiet and cheerful little cooing noises as she tried to smother me.

Once again, not sure if this is adorable or horrifying.

An Actual Conversation

Friday, October 1st, 2010

In which I vastly improve a famous movie and book franchise.

The Children Are Our Future Dystopian Enforcer-Thugs

Monday, September 13th, 2010

So tonight the family and I were watching a show, which heavily featured monsters in SS-like uniforms marching angrily about.

And every time the sound of boots stomping on cobblestones started up, by daughter would get really excited.

She would squeal and clap her hands, and giggle and bounce up and down, for the entire time the marching sound would go on.

I’m not sure if I should find this adorable, or horrifying.

Adventures in Parenting

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

Today my daughter was playing with a squeaky pig toy. Specifically she was gnawing on the corkscrew tail. Just going to town on the things, happily chewing away.

Communications Issues

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

My wife and I communicate differently. As I write that, I realize that it makes it sound like we use smoke signals instead of cell phones, or have created our own language out of high pitched dolphin shrieks. And while those things would be really cool, that is not what I am trying to say.

Although since I am on the subject of communicating differently, everybody knows, thanks to Tomax and Xamot, that twins can telepathically feel pain from their sibling regardless of any distance involved. Which means that I could theoretically rig up a crude Morse code system based off of tormenting one of my twins, and then interpreting the other’s distress. This would definitely be a different way of communicating, and would frankly be of some pretty hefty financial significance to the right intelligence service or large corporation. I’m pretty sure the Scream-a-phone could be a huge success and my wife is reading over my shoulder and has just informed me that I am no longer allowed to explore telecommunications as a career field. It’s like she wants us to be poor.


It can be scary inside my wife’s head

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

It can be scary inside my wife’s head

Wife: So last night I had a nightmare about our kids.

Me: I’m sorry. What happened.