Online Debate
After years of careful research, I think I have managed to determine what the rules are for arguing online.
- You as an individual are fully responsible for every other human being on the planet that shares your ideology in any way. Which is why it’s so important to determine the politics of crazy people who opens fire at other people, as it could implicate 50% of Americans as murderers.
- If you share any qualities or ideas at all with a bad person, you become identical to them in every way. So for instance all failed art students are now genocidal white supremacists. Even the black and asian failed art students.
- All good hearted people are 100% consistent across all beliefs. Therefore if you can find even on portion of a statement that appears to contradict another one, they are wrong about everything. Forever.
- Only media sources that say things that you already agree with can ever be considered unbiased. Therefore, anything else can immediately be discounted as spin/lies/propaganda. Furthermore, since lies and propaganda have been positively linked to historically bad regimes, Rule 2 turns all disagreeing media services into Nazi’s and or KGB field agents, depending on their political bent and/or your understanding of 20th century history.
- Given Rule 4, it is perfectly valid to dictate to your opponent what his argument and/or beliefs actually are.
- It is impossible for two reasonable people to examine the same evidence and draw two separate opinions. Therefore if someone has a different opinion than yours they are either stupid or lying. Most likely as a complicit member of a conspiracy to destroy their own country.
- You should always use your own knowledge as the standard for determining what everyone else should know. Anyone who knows less than you on any given subject is clearly an idiot.
- If someone expresses a belief in something, then they also logically believe in every single extended permutation of that belief no matter how extreme it is.
- 100% of all human beliefs can be expressed in a binary fashion. Therefore if you love something, such as your country, the bill of rights, or even chicken fried steak, then everybody who disagrees with you on any subject hates all of those things. And they want to destroy them.
- If you do happen to share any qualities with a bad person (Rule 2), ideology with a bad person, (Rule 1) but somehow, by some freak chance do not share every negative quality with that person it is up to you to demonstrate that you do not, in a manner that informs every person who disagrees with you without necessitating any effort, empathy, or imagination on their part.
- It’s not prejudice to assume bad things from a social/racial/economic/professional/religious group if one or more of them can ever have been demonstrated to have done a bad thing.
- Anything you assert is always assumed to be the unadulterated truth until proven otherwise. Anything someone else says that contradicts your assertion will be assumed false and must be proven by quoting a valid source (Note: See Rule for for a list of valid sources)
- If somebody get’s tired of the debate, they lose and everything they claimed is proven false.
- Given Rule 4, Rule 5, and Rule 6, it is perfectly valid to mock an opponent for your assumptions about what incorrect sources they have chosen for their “research” into the subject being discussed.
- The reverse of Rule 14 is never true. It is impossible for another person to correctly infer, surmise or otherwise deduce any belief you have not explicitly stated. It is also an insult to you if they try.
- If someone, most likely through chicanery or entrapment, manages to demonstrate that you are guilty of something either directly or by the application of one of these rules, you may nullify your own guilt by the demonstration of a similar lapse by either your opponent or someone who’s beliefs and/or associations align with them. Which of course puts you on an immediate and superior moral footing.
I’m sure that readers will be able to come up with several rules that I missed. Just like I am sure that someone will treat these rules as a partisan attack on their belief and/or confirmation of their partisan belief’s superiority.
March 16th, 2011 at 6:38 pm
You forgot that name calling, an unacceptable behavior in elementary school is a mature and fair way to treat your online debate opponent. Acceptable examples are: nazi, hippie, socialist, tyrant, fascist, etc.
If such tactics failed, then there is the practice of calling them the name “troll”. This is of course applies to someone, even if the statements made exhibit no troll behavior. By disagreeing with you and expressing their disagreement, they are of course a troll.
March 16th, 2011 at 7:56 pm
I was waiting for the reference to Godwin’s Law: “As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law
March 16th, 2011 at 8:40 pm
“arguing with someone on the Internet is like competing in the Special Olympics, even if you win you’re still a retard.”
March 16th, 2011 at 11:54 pm
Speaking of arguing online, “American’s as murderers” Should be Americans as murderers. ;-)
Great list, sounds like something Youtube should include in the terms of service.
March 17th, 2011 at 12:30 am
You can sum it all up with my favorite phrase: if someone disagrees with you, they are obviously stupid, ignorant or evil.
March 17th, 2011 at 12:35 am
Yeah screaming babies can really eat up your proofing time.
March 17th, 2011 at 1:11 am
I don’t know what is scarier. The fact that this list seems to be true on almost all forums I’ve visited (I say almost, because I always keep in a little bit of doubt), or that this is also how some of our political leaders seem to get into office.
P.S. If I am indeed incorrect, I apologize for my lack of knowledge.
March 17th, 2011 at 3:50 am
re: #7
anyone who know more than you is either making it all up or an elitist.
March 17th, 2011 at 6:41 am
Good stuff, Skippy.
March 17th, 2011 at 9:26 am
Once again, Skippy, you said it brilliantly. Amazing since you have screaming babies at home (BTDT)
March 17th, 2011 at 10:00 am
How dare you say such a thing! Cleary you hate all Americans and want to destroy our ‘tard-loving country. You dirty hippie Nazi!
On a serious note, apparently a bunch of people involved in “public education” get really uppity if you use the word retarded or retard for any reason, even if it is technically and grammatically correct.
March 17th, 2011 at 10:04 am
You’re right, that is scary.
March 17th, 2011 at 10:26 am
17. It is entirely acceptable to call person both nazi and communist in one sentence, especially if country of said person suffered terror from both sides during WWII.
March 17th, 2011 at 11:11 am
Genetically superior babies still aren’t doing your grunt work for you, huh?
One day..!
March 17th, 2011 at 11:12 am
If an opposing view cannot be fought for one reason or another, check for spelling and grammar errors. If there are any present, it automatically proves the point was stupid and therefore invalid.
March 17th, 2011 at 11:12 am
I seem to hear “I’m right because I’m American” and variations of such a lot. Apparently, the rest of the world lives in a bubble without any sort of American media or Americans in it.
(Wait.. where can I sign up? We can offer invitations for any and all who pass an IQ test.. Double wait.. screw nationality, just the IQ test for everyone!)
March 17th, 2011 at 11:54 am
Skarka’s Law: There is no behaviour, practice, or act so reprehensible that you cannot find someone to defend it on the Internet.
March 17th, 2011 at 5:43 pm
On the flip side of that, I’ve seen alot of “you don’t know anything because you’re an American” and then I have to go through the labourous process of proving that just because I’m American doesn’t mean I’m ignorant/fat/lazy/rude/selfish/bigoted/egotistical or inbred.
March 17th, 2011 at 6:02 pm
I have noticed that when I do get into a long argument in t3h Interwebz, my adversary tends to be either russian (that’s when I am usually called fascist or nazi), american (that’s when I am called either a nazi or communist, or sometimes both in one sentence) or swedish (in which case the argument is merely something we in Finland and Sweden refer to as a friendly conversation between the peoples of the two nations.)
With russians the other side talks like a religious fundamentalist, swedish are just mocking us Finns while we ‘return the favor’, but with americans I usually find myself arguing with people who in my high opinion should not be allowed to do anything that’s more complex than breathing or sleeping without a guardian, sadly these guys tend to be the only ones with motivation to interact at all with people from other countries, that, or there are too many retards for each sane person so that existence of sane americans in t3h Interwebz could be noticed.
March 17th, 2011 at 6:19 pm
for the reference, I am not a nazi, fascist nor communist, as a Finn I have some reservations towards Russia and USSR, and as a citizen of a North-European country my views of economics are stronly influenced by ideas that seem to be ‘communist’ in eyes of certain political party in US. Senate, even though in my country communism was illegal until Allies demanded us to allow existence of communist parties (we have two, neither one of them has ever reached a single seat in our parliament) in aftermath of WWII.
March 18th, 2011 at 6:00 am
Exhibit A: 4chan. Enough said? o.0
March 18th, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Skippy did you just troll us?
March 18th, 2011 at 9:40 pm
“Taliesin Says:
March 16th, 2011 at 11:54 pm
Speaking of arguing online, “American’s as murderers” Should be Americans as murderers. ;-)
Great list, sounds like something Youtube should include in the terms of service”
Therefore, everything Skippy has said about this is a fascist hippy nazi tree-hugging communist lie, fabricated by the illuminati in order to undermine the fabric of American society by destroying familiars with gay marraige, allowing the lesser races equal rights, destroying American society as a whole and staging the way for enslavement by the Draconians. Skippy is becoming just like Stalin-Hitler.
Wow, that was surprisingly fun to write.
Captcha: seday suha-rhanu
More proof that this country is being undermined by dirty foreigners….wait, I’m Canadian o.O
March 19th, 2011 at 12:30 pm
I’ve been lurking for a while. Check this out, it’s sooo true and right on topic!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04JmsnwbyAo
March 19th, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Having been involved in many an online debate (at one time I was in a masochistic bent, and constantly argued with vegans), I can honestly say that Skippy is 100% right. Any who disagrees with him on this is a troll. LOL
March 21st, 2011 at 1:06 pm
I feel I must apologize for the behavior of my… countrymen. Unfortunately we let anyone onto the interweb these days. Perhaps there should be a test? It could even be the same test that allows you to breed.
April 6th, 2011 at 11:43 am
Right-wing Asshats agree to play by the rules.
Fox will bring this country back to the proper path with fair and unbiased reporting.