Analysis of work for zombie combat

Now, where I work, Target, I tend to get bored really easily. But because somebody is always watching, I can’t legitimately mess around. To cope with my boredom while I work, putting stock on the shelves, my imagination takes over. Eventually, I came up with an almost complete analysis of the store on the best courses of action, based on where you are, in the event of a zombie takeover. I may take the time to properly train workers on the determination of a person’s death status on black/green/randomly colored Friday, in which, that is the worst-case scenario of when the zombies attack. Now, on the analysis.

If you are in the B section, (party, vacuums, ironing boards, cooking utensils) your best shot is if you are in party, rush to get a display vacuum that is neither too heavy, nor too flimsy. Otherwise, get an ironing board. If you are in the cooking utensil area, grab a frying pan, but use it in such a way to keep the blood from spraying in your face to prevent contamination. Do not use knives, as they put you into close range and have the least damage potential.

A section, (pills, beauty/feminine supplies, cleaning supplies, pet supplies) bring a lighter, and use the chemicals to set a fire on the way into the office to slow the undead down before they can break down the door. If you have no means of lighting a fire, use the brooms (preferably wooden) to use in a spear-like fashion to prevent early breakage.

C section, (furniture, home improvement, frames, storage boxes) smash apart the display furniture and use various parts as melee weapons. Also, crowbars will be useful if you can find them.

D section, (bed sheets, pillows, towels, bathroom supplies) it would be best to use the bars used to keep curtains up as spears, or if it is made of durable metal, use as a staff. Otherwise, use towels to first stop a biting zombie, then wrap it around its head, step behind it, then yank it to the ground, then stomp on it’s neck/head. This technique applies to the clothing section as well.

E section, (toys, sporting goods, camping supplies) hurry to sporting goods and use baseball bats. Golf clubs may appear useful, but they may break if overused.

F section, (electronics, baggage, automotive) hurry to the guitars and use them as melee weapons. Guitar hero ones may be used, but will break quickly. If the guitar body is broken, use guitar neck to stab.

G section, (food supplies) hurry to the other various areas, as G section runs up the side of the store, allowing easy and quick access to all other sections of the store, depending on what area of G you are in.

Any help in determining the difference between the undead and normally insane randomly colored Friday customers will be appreciated, and after reviewing the comments, I’ll put together a list of methods to prevent the accidental killing of a potential meat-shield.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, October 15th, 2009 at 9:53 am and is filed under Zombie Survival. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.