Archive for August, 2009

So this is the new thing evidently.

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(Submitted by James)

1. Not allowed to pee in a bottle and drop it out of the hellhole of an H-53 while over rush hour traffic on I-264.

2. Also probably why CO doesn’t let us do I-264 transits anymore.

3. Not allowed to make MRE bombs at the pistol range.

4. Especially between courses of fire.

5. Not allowed to make people “clean pad eyes” for EMI.

6. Not allowed to send a new check-in up to personnel in search of an “India Delta 10 Tango” form.

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A note to my readers: I’m currently in the market for a video capture card or device that can use the standard Red-White-Yellow cables. I’ve been bumming my friend’s computer and that arrangement can’t last forever, so I need to get something of my own so I can hook up consoles to take screenshots (and possibly video!). Any suggestions should be left in the comments or sent to ihmhi6@gmail.com. Thank you kindly!

Welcome back to Voodoo Farming: A Not-Quite In-Depth Look At Zombies In Popular Culture.

I am admittedly running late with this one. I’ve been pretty busy this week but I still try to deliver on time, so I’m staying up late (with work tomorrow, no less…) to get this out to you guys.

Thankfully, I always have material prepared for a future VF, so I didn’t have to start from scratch (*whew*).

There will be some changes coming in issue 10 or 11 – namely, I’m going to try to streamline VF a bit. If you read through the archives, you’ll note that the video game reviews are different from media reviews (like movies). I’m bouncing around potential changes in my mind, and I’ll detail my thoughts on that at the very very end of the post (after the reader mail).

But anyway, onto the game! Way back in Issue #2 I reviewed The Last Stand, and now I’ll be getting into its successor: The Last Stand 2.

Remember that helicopter you flew away in at the end of The Last Stand? Yeah, that’s the fiery remains.

The Last Stand 2 is a significantly more challenging game compared to TLS and that’s a wonderful thing. I rarely lose in the original, but I often get my ass whipped in the sequel. I love a challenge.

Threat Level:

Well first and foremost, no more “huge group of survivors armed to the teeth” backing you up. Now the survivors armaments depend on the weapons you’ve found, and they can’t use all of the weapons (such as the Chainsaw).

The enemies have gotten a lot tougher and your survivors can actually die during the game – not just while searching. (More on that below.)

Armaments:

In addition to many of the armaments in TLS, you have a few new toys. Downside? No more Barrett. Upside? In exchange, you get hand grenades, the M249 SAW, a compound bow, and a rocket launcher. A friggin’ rocket launcher!

It’s pretty difficult to get all of the weapons on account of the time limit you now face (40 days), but it can be done. Aside from the missing Barrett, all of the original weapons make their return.

The game mechanics are the same – infinite ammo, but manage your reloads.

You can also get your hands on “traps” – propane tanks, bear traps, and mines. that you can set up on the map beforehand to help take out crowds of zombies. The propane tanks can be troublesome and they seem to work best if you put them on the outside areas so you don’t accidentally hit them off. You or your barricade don’t appear to take any damage from something going kaboom.

Cause of the Outbreak:

Same at TLS… who the hell knows? You just wanna get the heck outta there alive.

Co-Stars:

A pure zombie game to the end.

Odds of Survival: Lower than TLS

This game is definitely way way more difficult. I cannot stress that enough.

Bang bang!

Pew pew!

Your survival is dependent partially on smartly managing your time and resources and mostly on picking a good weapon and using it skillfully. This isn’t like TLS where you can just load up 7 survivors and do amazing things.

The above pictures are one of the earlier levels. Although you visit different locations, they all follow the same basic formula of “make sure your barricade doesn’t go down”. A nasty addition: some zombies now carry weapons, and they can kill your survivors instantly if they get too close. As a result, you have to be very careful with prioritizing your targets. One swing of a cleaver or club and you have a useless corpse with a gun sitting next to it.

The Devilish Details:

I’m having flashbacks to Silent Hill.

Instead of simply managing your time carefully, you now have to pick out locations on a map to search. The weapons pretty much spawn in the same locations, so you can learn where the good stuff is and do better in successive runs. (An element of randomization in this respect would have been nice and made the game a bit more challenging.)

Searching buildings takes up different amounts of time, and on your first playthrough it’s pretty much a diceroll. Even if you are very careful, you can still end up having leftover time. Thankfully, until you submit your search pattern you can pick out different places and try to find the sweet spot. You will definitely have leftover time at least a couple of times in your run.

So many zombie scenarios take place in the backwoods… it’d be nice to see one take place in a huge city for once.

TLS2 isn’t as linear, either – you can pick different routes. As you’re searching through the houses, you gather supplies. Travelling from one place to another uses up some of your supplies. The basic formula (aside from SURVIVE DON’T DIE OH GOD DON’T DIE) is to gather supplies, weapons, and allies, and then move on to the next area when supplies permit.

Failing in this game can be fun in a way because you can get a hint of where you went wrong and try again. TLS2 will take a little bit longer to play than the original game simply for all of the stuff there is to do. For a free Flash game, this is a steal and a good way to spend an hour or two.

Wrapping It Up:

The Last Stand 2 adds elements of depth where there were previously very little. If you enjoyed the first one, you are going to absolutely love the second one. Give it a play and give props where props are due to the wonderful people who came up with such an awesome game.

Here’s hoping for The Last Stand 3!

Reader Mail:

Voodoo Farming #8: Super Ghouls and Ghosts

Sequoia Says:
July 29th, 2009 at 8:07 pm

This game sounds E.P.I.C. But alas, I don’t own a SNES.

There are systems out there that can apparently play both NES and SNES games. I’d get one if it weren’t for the fact that my NES(s) and SNES are still in excellent working order.

Billy Says:
July 30th, 2009 at 8:05 am

Now I can’t wait for you to do Silent Hill for voodoo farming. If those things count as zombies for you, i’m not sure. I still remember a magazine that, in describing the monsters in Silent Hill, Fatal Frame, and Resident Evil went in this order: Zombies, ghosts, creatures out of your most twisted ****ing nightmares! If you do a silent hill special, I will explain the cause of the threat, a freaking god of death and hunger decided to try to cross over to our world. And he still needs to be born in order to fully enter.

captcha: engaging lion, prepare to be eaten.

I’d love to do Silent Hill, but all of my SH games are currently lent out to a friend who’s out of state!

I would also need to get a video capture card. I’ve gotten most of my screenshots at my buddy’s (usually doing a few reviews in a clip), but his work has picked up so I can’t see him as often. ):

Hopefully in the next couple of months I can afford a cheap video capture card or device – any recommendations from my readers would be appreciated.

Upcoming changes/improvements:

Better WC3 compliance: A request from Mrs. Skippy. No more <i>s and <b>s – instead, <em>s and <strong>s! I like how <strong> sounds. Makes me feel manlier.

Streamlining of Formatting: I’m probably going to ditch most of the sections (like Armaments) and break it down to a simpler article. I’ve found that there’s quit a bit of overlap with some of the sections for some things, and no overlap whatsoever for other things. They’re a bit troublesome. I will be keeping Threat Level, though, because I love Threat Level.

More diversity: I’m constantly expanding my horizons and trying to find tons of zombie stuff to do. I’ve been trying to focus on analog (as in non-digital media, books and what have you) and I’ve found some very promising prospects.

More polish: No no, not Polish stuff. Pawl-ish. Like, making it look nicer. I have some ideas. I’m also waiting on some people to cook up some things for me. Sorry for vagueness, but I wouldn’t want to ruin the surpriseseses.

Whatever it comes down to, I’m going to try to come up with a consistent format for Voodoo Farming so it can apply to literally anything I put out.

Thanks for reading. G’night everybody!

Obama Zombie picture delightfully borrowed from Instapunk.com. Took me 30 seconds of Googling. I love the Internet.

Ihmhi is a developer for Fortress Forever, a free, fast paced Team Fortress mod for Half-Life 2.

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This was sent to me by a longtime reader. The same guy responsible for this mess earlier in the year.

I just got a mild kick out of seeing another culture’s old jokes, and decided to share it.  Also I leave for GenCon in the morning and need to pack still, so this saves me the effort of writing something.

Short analysis of WWII Tactics

Standard task – Attacking a hill defended by an enemy infantry company

Germany, early and mid-war:
An hour before sunrise a battalion of troops has breakfast and prepares to attack. At dawn the hill is softened by dive-bombers and battalion mortars, then infantry moves in, throws grenades, charges into the trenches. By afternoon the Germans have already built their own defensive positions on the hill.

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I suspect that this video is actually several orders of magnitude better than the movie that’s currently in the theaters.  I am unlikely to actually see this movie before it winds up on cable, as I see no reason to pay perfectly good money for any product that contains a Wayans brother.

The previews I saw actually made the movie look dumber than the cartoon. And the cartoon had a woman shooting down A-10 Thunderbirds by hurling spears at them, a man that undertook covert military operations with a parrot,  and a battle that took place in fucking Toyland.

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President Obama appoints Barry White to the US Ambassadorship to Norway.

Evidently people are now getting appointments based entirely on how much fun SNL will have making fun of them.

Here is an example of his previous work in the diplomatic field.

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(Submitted By Jordan Thompson)

• Never build a pagan shrine out of rocks on top of a cratering charge. Even if it is Sunday.
• When detonating 1000lbs of explosives do NOT stand out side the bunker to “get a better picture” especially when someone just made a shrine out of shrapnel.
• Don’t try to eviscerate yourself with the army sewing kit scissors. It won’t work. You can give yourself little red welts across your stomach and have a whole barracks laughing themselves stupid while trying to restrain you.
• Don’t ask NG’s what they do when they aren’t soldiers. You may get yourself into an enlightening conversation about “Medieval battle reenactments.”
• Dropping an FM on the desk to see who will hit the dirt is not a good idea, especially when it works.
• Discovering a secret cable television and sneaking off to watch football with your squad does not count as “Team building”

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I’ve had some ideas for reality television shows.

It has been pointed out that my ideas are more “elaborate and dangerous practical jokes on innocent people” than television shows. But on the other hand shows like Joe Millionaire and WB’s Superstar USA, and   Scare Tactics seem to indicate that elaborate and dangerous practical jokes are a valid entertainment choice.

My first idea is called “The Haunted Manor”.  A group of standard attention-whore reality show fodder are placed in an actual haunted house.  Last one to quit wins a fabulous and expensive prize.

Naturally the house isn’t actually haunted.  But it will be built, and controlled by a high end special effects studio.  All of the background, history and so on will be elaborately faked.  Given enough lead in time, and enough of a budget a fake special program about haunting could be produced, for the express purpose of convincing people that the house is a real place, with a long documented history.

Once the contestants are inside, it’s just a matter of screwing with them until they start snapping.

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Greetings to the readers at Skippy’s List! I’m a young sailor at age 26, going by RivCA here (and elsewhere on the Intarweb) and I’ve got a story for you.

I am currently stationed in Naval Weapons Station Charleston, and I am discovering very quickly that this is one of the most stressful commands to be a student at. The “A” school here has an education program on par with Harvard Law and MIT. We get all the core classes needed to do our jobs over the span of a year and a half, when it takes them four to do the same. Fast-paced doesn’t quite describe it.

It turns out that the school is so stressful and the schedule so dense, that there are occasions to set up suicide watches. (It’s to make sure shipmates don’t commit suicide. Yeah, it’s that rough.) As you might have guessed, some people go a little kooky if they can’t handle things here. Just before my arrival, one kid went to Captain’s Mast for deciding to do a Matrix jump from the third floor, wearing a trench coat. Broke his leg in the fall, owes half his paycheck for the next two months, and discharge once he’s done.

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Note from skippy:  Longtime readers may remember when I had everybody click on a link to the best burger joint in the world so that me and my wife could eat there for free.  Well the owner of that place has a message that he would like to get out, and so I have offered to put it up here.

I’ve NEVER liked radicals. Conservative radicals… Liberal radicals… Black radicals… White radicals… Feminist radicals… Chauvinist radicals… what ever type of radical they are… I just flatly DON’T like them!

Do you know why? Because if they spent 1/10th of the time that they do protesting silly causes, on improving their job skills, the world would be a much better place to live in
. Give me shoemakers who strive to create better shoes… Dentists who strive to take better care of teeth… Policemen who strive to keep neighborhoods safer… Strippers who strive to give better lap dances…

In short give me quality, give me excellence, not pathetic activism. I know what you’re thinking…

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