More Proof The Zombie Apocalypse Has Already Begun
The headline on CNN says, “Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie.”
The government doesn’t want you to know that it actually was a zombie. I think we are witnessing a disturbing trend. As Skippy reported last week, a man was attacked in his yard, and had a piece of his arm bitten off and eaten. But the one thing these two stories have in common is that the attacker/zombie is able to speak.
So, forget what you think you know about zombies from movies and books and video games. The real zombies, just like Cylons, look and feel and act just like us… and this one had a day job as a photographer.
This leads me to believe they may be watching us. Zombies may have us under surveillance as they plot their inevitable attack. They may be in key positions in our workplaces, our neighborhoods, our government and our press. This would explain why the obvious zombie aspects of these stories were played down, or outright omitted by the mainstream media.
We need to be vigilant. If you see suspected zombie activity in your area, report it right away at this website, assuming that it has not been infiltrated by zombies as well.
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April 13th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Lol. I don’t think the FBI would take kindly to Zombie Tips. Better to report them directly to here, actually.
Captcha: that thinks. Yes. Yes it does.
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April 13th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
I sense a lot of office shootings in the near future.
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April 14th, 2009 at 2:47 am
It’s like Galactica…without the Galactica
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April 14th, 2009 at 3:38 am
We should compile a list of ways to identify a zombie on here. More specifically, a list of identifiers on non-undead zombies, parasite-, nanobot- or voodoo-class zombies. Preferably, these would be able to identify a zombie before we get to the whole “A stranger bit my arm and tore flesh off and ate it, and now I feel kinda funny and say, doc, your flesh looks mighty tasty *CHOMP*,” stage.
CAPTCHA: NATALE There’s: What? What is there in Natale? More zombies?
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CCO reply on April 14th, 2009 9:01 am:
If you read the Prince Roger series by John Ringo and David Weber, there is considerable mention of the danger of having one’s brain implant hacked, which will turn one into a robot like a zombie. One relevant passage is here.
David Weber’s bad guys in the Honorverse (the REALLY bad ones) use nanites to take over someone’s body and use them as suicide assassins.
Perhaps this is what we are seeing in these incidents. If that is the case and since nano-tech and powerful brain implants are beyond current state of the art, perhaps this is some covert war between extraterrestrials breaking to the surface.
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dangermouse reply on April 14th, 2009 2:34 pm:
Commissioned Comic is currently in the middle of publishing The Zombie Apocalypse Handbook. The plan is to publish all of the pages in the comic, then create a hardcopy version. Obsidian (the artist and writer) started the handbook here and is now updating it on Fridays. So far he has defined what a zombie is and is not and how zombies are made.
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April 14th, 2009 at 3:58 am
OK I admit it I’m a zombie. I’ve been going on this site to keep an eye on those in the know about us, but I just cant live with the guilt anymore. See we are planning an attack: First we distract you with clown porn http://skippyslist.com/2008/06/26/a-list-of-clown-porn-gags-blame-skippy-for-bringing-it-up/ ,then when you least expect it CHOMP!! you a member of the walking undead. But its not all bad we do have good benefits (health, dental, vision, pension), every other Friday is casual Friday, and all the flesh you can eat.
P.S. Don’t bother the FBI, they’re with us.
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Stickfodder reply on April 14th, 2009 1:49 pm:
Well I guess that you must have some pretty amazing health benefits so as to not arouse suspicion.
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ineedhelpbad reply on April 14th, 2009 2:29 pm:
Blue Cross Blue Shield 10% Co-Pay
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CCO reply on April 14th, 2009 5:25 pm:
Ten percent co-pay! That must cost an arm a leg!
stmercy reply on April 14th, 2009 9:14 pm:
It does… but at least they aren’t MY arm and leg…
April 14th, 2009 at 5:36 am
I knew it. Not by sound and fury does the end come, but by quite infiltration. Lock and load my lads, its time to kill some Zacks.
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April 14th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Rats! Here’s a more precise link for toot zombie attack. The above works, just you have to get to Chapter 3 to see what I mean.
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April 14th, 2009 at 10:59 am
I’m breaking out my copy of Shaun of the Dead for practice. Then its cricket bat time!
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April 14th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Just realised, the zombies will be dressed in pink. Not just any pink, but Sanrio pink
http://www.kittyhell.com/
be very fucking afraid. Especially of Darlene
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Minty reply on April 14th, 2009 1:57 pm:
You realize that Sanrio just won the munitions contract, right?
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Minty reply on April 14th, 2009 1:59 pm:
handguns, too.
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Minty reply on April 14th, 2009 2:00 pm:
That was supposed to be here.
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April 14th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
This isn’t zombies. That’s what THEY want you to think. THEY are infact were-houses, normal beings by day, house by full moon night. In the past their preferred prey was the new couple looking for their first home, and real estate “flippers.” But now, they want us all. The were-houses have their mind-slaves act as zombies to send us into a panic, and when the full blown “apocalypse” they’ll act as “safe houses” for fleeing survivors. It’s quite simple really.
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April 14th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Damnit I’ve been looking for Cylons the entire time! I should have known to be looking for zombies and my cylon detector ( its on my I-phone) won’t work on them because Zombies aren’t made from synthetic materiel on the molecular level! We’re Frakked! We need to build Galactica Now! To get away from the future Zylons! You know they will be next.
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April 14th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
But we don’t like Cylons they taste kinda bland (needs salt). You all need to stop panicking, chances are half your friends will have gone “Z” by the end of the month and the other half will be gone shortly after that. And that will leave you (and those bland Cylons Yuck!) now you dont want to be the last of your friends to go “Z” do you ?
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Michiel reply on April 14th, 2009 2:35 pm:
You haven’t heard? Cylons taste like us now.
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ineedhelpbad reply on April 14th, 2009 2:42 pm:
Maybe to the unsophisticated zombie palette they do, but I took Pepsi challenge on this one and there is a difference.
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April 14th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
I think I dated a zombie once, he had a biting fetish, was always stiff but not very energetic. Guess should have shot him when I had the chance.
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April 14th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
You know I’m sick of all this anti-zombie prejudice on this site. I mean zombies are people too… kinda. If prick us do we not bled? (Ok not bleed per se, but we do leak fluids if they haven’t coagulated yet.) If you tickle us do we not laugh? (Ok another bad example, but we do moan in a comical fashion.) If you poison us do we not die? (Maybe this wasn’t the best quote to use, but I think I made my point.)
Zombies are people too… kinda.
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