Alligators
When I was still active duty military, I had a weekly radio show at FT Irwin as “The Voice of the Blackhorse”; it was a classic rock show. I was assigned to the 11th Armored Cavalry Regiment (OPFOR) and I worked with the 13th Public Affairs guys as a volunteer.
I didn’t realize how appreciated my show was, until one day I was at the FT Irwin commissary, and I was chatting with a lady who suddenly recognized my voice and exclaimed “Oh my God, thank you SO much for what you do!” I blushed and said “Anytime”. She introduced herself as the Garrison Commander’s wife, and she had a favor to ask of me.
I raised an eyebrow, “Sure, what did you have in mind?”
This nice lady asked me if I would play a prank on her hubby’s secretary, and broadcast it live. I agreed, I knew I had my work cut out for me, and I knew this prank had to be a good one. Pranking the brass was a favorite hobby of mine when I was on the airwaves and she knew it.
Okay, so, I began the task of the laying of plans for this on-air prank, so, I consulted my long-time trusty retired-Ranger S.O. about what I should do. His response? “Okay, what’s the last thing anybody would expect to find in the Mojave Desert?”
Hmmm, then it hit me; “ALLIGATORS”.
I started to giggle “Okay, I have it-now I have to build a believable story around it”. Ranger laughed and said “Go on damnit-EXECUTE!”
I spent the next week making sure all my bases were covered; I contacted the Garrison Sergeant Major, the Public Affairs Commander, the Public Affairs SEC, and alerted my compadres in my unit.
On March 15th, 2002, I took the airwaves at around 1:00 P.M. I had the Garrison Commander’s SEC’s office number written on a sticky-note and was preparing to execute this on-air prank. After a few classic rock tunes, I announced to my listeners what I was about to do and the telephone lines lit up like a Christmas tree. I could hear the Public Affairs guys laughing in the background so I closed the door to the broadcast booth and made the on-air call to the Garrison SEC.
HERE WE GO!
I drummed up a nice Southern drawl when she answered and identified myself as a military spouse living in FT Irwin housing. I fabricated a story about a new family that just moved in next door that had some unusual pets; two large Florida Alligators. Thank heavens the broadcast booth door was closed; I could see the PA guys in fits of laughter through the window. I elaborated about the crate of eggs and the resulting baby Alligators running all over the yard, and about the mommy gator chasing my non-existent ten-year-old son down the street and the coyote carcasses all over their backyard and the horrible smell. I got VERY graphic with this tale. Well, she told me to keep my family in the house as she was going to send a Military Police unit out to my home to check out my story.
That’s when I stopped her and asked if she was listening to KNTC, 88.3 FM. I could barely contain the laughter I felt coming on.
She began to laugh and said “Oh MY GOD!” I could hear the laughter in the background of the Garrison HQ.
She got a nice prize for being such a good sport about it.
After that, whenever I took the airwaves each Friday afternoon, the brass at 11th ACR HQ and Garrison HQ didn’t answer their phones until I signed off.
Yeah, I was THAT good.
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February 25th, 2009 at 5:47 am
That’s mean. But awesome.
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February 25th, 2009 at 6:11 am
Nice, I love radio pranks. You guys didnt keep an audio copy of this did you?
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February 25th, 2009 at 6:12 am
I’m not worthy!
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February 25th, 2009 at 6:20 am
perfect, absolutely perfect
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February 25th, 2009 at 8:02 am
lol that was brilliant
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February 25th, 2009 at 8:29 am
haha, that may have been one of those “I have to pull my car over to the side of the road so I don’t crash into anything” moments
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February 25th, 2009 at 8:42 am
Great story!
And wow…11th ACR. I haven’t thought about the blackhorse in years. I was stationed with the HHC when they were in Fulda, Germany (back in the 90’s).
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February 25th, 2009 at 8:57 am
I’m going to be giggling all day. My mom has an alligator story that’s actually true and is actually pretty funny.
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Andrew reply on February 25th, 2009 9:02 am:
which is….. ? :)
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Stickfodder reply on February 25th, 2009 9:04 am:
Yes I think that we would all like to hear it.
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TheShadowCat reply on February 25th, 2009 12:20 pm:
Ok, here’s the story:
My mom partially grew up in Florida and she and her family lived in a very rural area where not every plot of land had a house on it. The property behind them was a vacant lot covered in reeds and the lot next to that one had a duck pond. Mom and her siblings had a special place where the reeds in the vacant lot grew in a partially enclosed circle and they called it their ‘Fort’.
So one day my mom, her 2 sisters and her only brother went to go play in their ‘Fort’ and found a 9 foot alligator sunbathing there. Knowing that alligators are dangerous, Mom and her sisters told their brother to stay there and watch the alligator while they went and got their mom.
So the girls trot back to the house, find their mom and tell her about the alligator. At this point, my grandmother looks around and notices that her only son, and therefore favorite child, is not there.
“Where’s your brother?”
“We left him to watch the alligator.”
My mom swears she’d never seen her mother move so fast in her life.
After the authorities came and got Mr. Alligator, they figured that someone had bought a baby alligator down at the boardwalk or flea market and when it grew too big, they released it into the neighbor’s duck pond. After eating all of the ducks, it had wandered over into the ‘Fort’ to digest its lunch. Somewhere in the depths of my grandparent’s house, there’s a newspaper clipping with a picture of the trussed up alligator and my uncle holding onto the end of its tail.
February 25th, 2009 at 11:08 am
My alligator story (ok, actually my father’s)
My Dad and his buddies used to rent an RV every year and go South to golf. They were at a lovely golf course with some rather expensive houses. This course had some nice water hazards, and alligators. While playing a particular hole, they noticed an older woman walking her toy poodle. They played on and were about to head to the next hole when they heard very loud, high-pitched screaming. Running back, they found the lady, hysterical holding nothing but a leash. Apparently, she had stopped to let her poodle drink at one of the water hazards and an alligator had reared up and snatched her dog. An ambulance had to be called and the lady sedated.
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Al Li reply on February 25th, 2009 11:35 am:
Did the course have any signs warning about alligators? If not, then where was the course located?
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Cat reply on February 25th, 2009 1:12 pm:
Yes, there were apparently several signs warning of alligators. Since this lady lived on the course, one would imagine that she would know about them.
As to where the course was, I’d have to ask, and see if he remembers. He’s in his early 70’s now, and I’m not sure if he will remember which one, but he’s been telling that story for over 30 years.
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Minty reply on February 25th, 2009 11:37 am:
My aunt told me a somewhat similar story. When she and my uncle were vacationing in Florida, they took an afternoon out to golf. Halfway through, they noticed a huge bull alligator sunning itself on the green of the next hole. My aunt, being a very nice but very ditzy woman, became hysterical. Unfortunately, they were close enough that the gator woke up and, this being prime time for Murphy’s Law, got pelted by the golf ball of whomever was playing through that particular hole. Cue mayhem. According to my aunt, they almost died. According to my uncle, the gator made a lot of noise over having its nap disturbed, then retreated into the water of the neighboring swamp.
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Grayson reply on February 25th, 2009 8:50 pm:
Would it be considered in bad taste to remind readers of the classic line from the newspaper cartoon strip, Sherman’s Lagoon?
(aw heck, I’ll do it anyway…)
‘Poodle. The Other White Meat.’
(There, I typed it. Sorry, Skippy, I just couldn’t resist!)
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February 25th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
My ‘gator story is a bit differant. GATR (pronounced Gator) is a refresher training that we EOD techs are required to do before each deployment. The instructors had a concrete alligator near the entrance to their building at the range we used. I forget it’s name, but they were rather attached to it. One day, they told our Commander that we had lost some of their Night Vision Devices. Anyone in the military can tell you that this is a no-no. So, there we were checking the trucks, sweeping the range, looking in the toilets, everything, because we weren’t allowed to go back ot our rooms until the missing pair was found. Eventually they got wise and checked the roster to find out who had checked them out. It was one of the instuctors, not one of us. It was also the one instructor that was being the loudest about how WE had to find it, because WE would be in big trouble, HE would make sure of it, etc. And so we checked his desk, when he wasn’t looking, and…sure enough…THERE THEY WERE! It is now 0200 ( 2 in the morning), with us packing up and leaving at 0600 (this was the last day of class), when we were supposed to be in bed by 2200 (10 the night before) the latest. So, he comes back from wherever he went to and askes us where we found them. We told him, and he just kind of laughed it off, and then told us, in all seriousness, that we should have waited for him to check his desk, as that was invasion… etc. So, our Commander politely told him he could f*** himself and that he would have to explain to his instructor buddies (now gone home) where their alligator went. He then had us to load it into the truck, and we took it with us. When we got back ot our home station, their NCOIC called us and asked for it back. The CO told him that they could have the gator back when we got back our lost sleep. It still sits in front of the Commander’s office to this day, and every year we send a Christmas card of a picture of us around this thing to the permanent staff down there at the school, just to remind them of the incident.
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Viktor reply on February 25th, 2009 4:04 pm:
Brilliant!!
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February 25th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I was stationed at Barksdale AFB in LA. We had alligators on base. Lots of them. About once a year someone, who should know better as we had all been warned, would be playing fetch with their dog next to the water. Then instead of the dog getting the stick, the gator would get the dog. They seem to prefer small white dog like poodles. The speculation was that the gators thought they we larger marshmellows.
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February 25th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I’m going to be changing my MOS to 46R (Radio Broadcast Journalist) and i cant wait to have the oppurtunity to do this on occasion.
wonderful story
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March 8th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Gator+NYC Dept of Environmental Protection Intern(Sheltered Hippie Kid)
When I was about thirteen or so, we had a slight problem with our well water… catching on fire. Long story short: one of our neighbors were storing 50 gallon drums of #2 fuel oil just in case “those commie bastards start something” and he could not get any delivered which over time leaked into the soil and water table. Living near NYC watershed property meant that we had someone coming once a month to check the levels of chemicals in our well, it was usually the same guy and he had a decent sense of humor so I bought a plastic alligator and threw it in the well. It sat in there for months, he knew it was in there and a joke.
One day I get woken up in the middle of the afternoon by a girl covered in vomit and shaking worse than Micheal J. Fox. “THERE’S AN ALLIGATOR IN YOUR WELL!!!” she screams at me. After a five minute conversation I remember the fake gator and try to reassure her by jumping into the well, grabbing it and throwing it toward her.
She finally settled down a bit and asked to use the phone. Calls the usual guy “YES I WILL QUIT NOW, YOU JACKASS!” Stomps out of the house and into her car. Next month the usual guy came with his supervisor to see the “gator” and say thanks for “getting rid of the pain in the ass.”
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