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Talladega Iraq: The Rickey Bobby Story:

February 5th, 2009 by Thomas

Here’s a little story I’ve witnessed over here in my stay in Iraq.  One of those: you had to see it to believe it.

There was this kid named Anderson in my unit.  Anderson was your typical weird kid.  Not that weird kids are bad, I’m a weird kid, but this guy made you think “ah, crap…he’s a serial killer.” And I wouldn’t have thought twice if the person standing next to me when Anderson introduced himself to my platoon said exactly what I was thinking.  Anderson was also dumb.  And by dumb I mean date the BDE Col’s underage daughter dumb, AND had the “balls” to tell her dad to *insert long line of expletives regarding masturbation here*.  A PV2 telling an 0-6 what he can and will do to his daughter…hrm…

Anderson deployed with us still dating his underage girlfriend. Regardless of all the guy stories he told us, I swear he was a virgin. All was going well (I was avoiding Anderson because I did NOT want to wake up sewn in the sheets being beaten with a tire iron) until he got that call.  Everyone that has deployed or been away from home knows exactly what call I’m referring too.  Well, Anderson turns into his own version of an Animaniacs show.

I might want to point out now, that I’m in an HHC unit.  So, needless to say any lower enlisted is at the very bottom of the food chain.  My section alone has a LTC and an E-9, and that’s out of 11 people.  You do the math.

That night, Anderson was told to do something that he didn’t want to do.
Something simple enough, but he wigs out, bad.  He starts screaming and cussing at an E-8 telling him he doesn’t have to do crap.  This taking place in the JOC, people of even higher rank decide to jump in. Anderson keeps screaming and cussing at people, and eventually makes a violent gesture towards an officer.

People lunge at him to restrain him and try to get him to calm down. Instead of taking this as a sign that maybe things are going to far, Anderson does something retarded.  He grabs his weapon and starts waving it around, typical crazy man style.  He didn’t lock and load, and for that small bit of common sense, I am glad he had.

After being forced to relinquish his weapon in an unpleasant manner via making his arms turn into a pretzel.  Anderson does what any normal person who knows that they took things a little too far.  He stripped down to his underwear and started to roll around on the ground.  He screamed obscenities, and insulted a good amount of people watching, but mostly he was screaming “I’m done, I’m done, I’m done…”This went on for a good 15 minutes before he calmly stopped, got up, and sat down on the curb so the medics could look at him.

To this day, the words “Ricky Bobby” spoken in my unit has only one reference.  And that is Anderson, rolling around on the ground putting out the invisible flames

He may have done it on purpose for an excuse to leave, he may have seriously been serial killer crazy, whatever it was.  He did leave a great story behind him.

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22 Responses to “Talladega Iraq: The Rickey Bobby Story:”

  1. SPC Hyle Says:

    Oh Jesus shit. I hope he’s uh, not in your brigade any more. Or post, if possible. That is, uh, assuming that they didn’t chapter his retarded ass out.


  2. dainis Says:

    As a civvie, I must ask…what “call” are you referring to? The “I’m seeing someone else we’re done.” call?

    captcha: oft offensive….sounds about right for this site…


    LordEnigma reply on February 6th, 2009 8:07 am:

    Yeah. In older days, they were known as “Dear John” letters. Except this time we have phones and you get all that pain all at once in an interactive setting.


    Jon reply on February 6th, 2009 8:47 am:

    I remember a story of a guy that got his Dear John letter in the form of a porno video sent to him by his wife.

    Apparently he received the video, put it in the VCR in berthing so that everyone could watch (this is on a ship somewhere south of Australia), and hits play. Everyone is happily watching right up to the end, when the girl in the video finally shows her face. Of course, it is the guy’s wife, and she tells him that the marriage is over.


    Squid Vicious reply on February 6th, 2009 3:44 pm:

    It’s not true – look it up at Snopes

    Tamina reply on September 5th, 2009 6:13 am:


  3. Daver Says:

    I think it’s the call your significant other makes to tell you they’ve been cheating on you…


  4. Stickfodder Says:

    I knew guy’s like that in high school. One of them I knew from my metal trades class. Everybody knew that he was unstable but some idiots just had to test how unstable by shocking him with the TIG welder. They did it threw a hole in the metal wall separating the welding booths. They shocked him, heard him yell and settled back for a good laugh. Unfortunately it doesn’t end there. When I said he was unstable I wasn’t joking of just assuming because in response to being shocked he grabbed his chipping hammer and started over to their booth intending to plant it in the back of their heads. Luckily the teacher saw this happening and reacted in time to stop him. Now when I say stop him I mean that he ran across the room jumped across a 3 1/2 foot high 4 foot wide table to grab the guy. And on top of that my teacher wasn’t a young guy he was probably in his 50’s or 60’s, for a good idea of what he looked like just imagine Jeff Foxworthy with gray hair.


    David B reply on March 2nd, 2014 11:17 pm:

    MY GOD! I just started working with TIG in shop, and I have to say, after one day of use and a hell of a burn through a shitty glove (Things were at least 10 years old, I’m bringing my own tomorrow) they were lucky they didn’t KILL him! Those things put out a hell of a lot of power!


  5. Speed Says:

    Oh man! I just been to work for 5 minutes & spent that time laughing like a madman – Ricky-Bobby, gray haired Jeff Foxworthy, serial killers! Heh! Now my stomach hurts and my co-workers are looking worried. Damn I love Fridays!

    Captcha: fourteen daughter – BDE COL’s daughter?


  6. pwiklund Says:

    We have a couple people in my unit I am convinced are serial killers, but none that have rolled around in their underwear. We had a guy roll around in the rocks overseas screaming “I am Wendigo” until we flexcuffed and sent him to the hospital. But that’s another story that I will save for a full blown entry.


  7. SCAlexD Says:

    Ok I’m 27 almost 28 and a civvie but check this:

    When I was in Junior High I went to a private school and it was pretty small. We’re talking 100 students at the most, 1st-12 grades.

    Well in the “Jr/Sr High” class with me was this girl we’ll call “Mary”.

    Mary was a very naive deathly-traditional-christian and even dressed in “antique” dresses,etc.

    She never really bothered anyone, and if she spruced herself up she would actually look kind of hot. Thing is, she had this bizarre soul-burning stare. She didn’t have any friends but nobody gave her any crap all because of this one stare.

    Well, one day in PE Class we were playing Street Hockey. I was on Defense and Mary was on offense for the other team.

    Another girl, a team mate named Mariah was on the defensive. Nothing seriously rough, just recreational Street Hockey ya know?

    Well out of the blue Corinna visibly “tweeks” and undergoes a Split-Second transformation. Suddenly she raises her hockey stick and runs full speed at Mariah, weilding the Hockey Stick full force screaming “wrath of god” type stuff and obscenities at Mariah. Now mind you, Mary was TEENIE. We’re talking stick-skinny and 5’4.

    It took my PE Teacher(also a Football coach in his other job) and my 2 large Vato friends(also football players) to restrain her, and even THEY had difficulty.

    Thank god Mariah only had a gash on her arm and wasn’t seriously injured!


  8. SCAlexD Says:

    Oops Corrinna = Mary.


    Miniver reply on February 6th, 2009 10:06 am:

    Anonymity fail. Oops, wrong blog.


    Pericles reply on February 6th, 2009 10:58 am:

    not necessarily. Screen shot it and post it on fail blog. Same difference. :P or just leave so “Mary” doesn’t find it.


  9. SPC Hyle Says:

    Sort of defeated the purpose of calling her “mary”, eh?


  10. SCAlexD Says:

    Not a fail because I don’t care regardless. She was whack anyone, and she stabbed me in the right hand with a plastic fork for no reason(I still got the scar).

    So if anything, its a OWN.

    Mary AKA Corrinna = Owned by Alex


    Sequoia reply on February 6th, 2009 2:52 pm:

    Plastic fork scar? That is a manly scar. Just because it would look wierd.


    Minty reply on February 6th, 2009 6:59 pm:

    Damn, with a plastic fork? That’s a lot of rage.


  11. Podmunki Says:

    My dad worked a civie job with a guy who got himself Section 8-ed by acting totally normal for about 2 or 3 months, with the sole exception that whenever he saw a piece of paper (doesn’t matter where or who was around him) he would turn it over and say “Nope, that’s not it”.

    He finally gets a psych eval and they and him his discharge papers, he turns them over looks at them say ” That’s it!” and walks out.

    Bloody hell, that is a lot of chutzpah.

    Captcha= sick Cedrino—-my dad’s former coworker?


    CCO reply on February 9th, 2009 4:39 pm:

    You’re pulling my leg!

    That’s a joke on http://www.strategypage.com/humor/default.asp isn’t it?


  12. JMireles Says:

    During my tour in Iraq, I was unfortunate enough to be one of about 20 witnesses to someone’s complete and utter meltdown. Dude almost got himself shot, by all of us, and being that I’m a medic, I’d’ve hated to have to try and save that.

    Group of guys playing a pickup game of basketball, around 1am. It was mixed game, but the majority of it had turned into an Army/Navy game.

    One of the sailors accidentally bumped into a soldier. One of the soldier’s buddies then proceeds to go completely off his rocker, and starts trying to start a fight with said sailor.

    After a few seconds of this, the sailor decides it’d be best if he just left, so that’s what he did. If anything, this pissed the soldier off even more, and prompted him to pick up a random weapon. Only thing is, this one did go for the magazine, and try to load it.

    When he did this, the audience was nervously sitting there, hands on weapons. I looked around and saw that I wasn’t the only one who’s mag puch was open, with the mag halfway out.

    The soldier’s buddies beat us all to the punch, and seperated him and the weapon. Not only that, but one of his friends was nose to nose with him, screaming at him for picking up the weapon.

    The soldier then started acting a bit calmer, so his buddies relaxed. Then he got past them again, and picked up another weapon. He didn’t even get to touch the mag, as his buddies were dogpiling on top of him, wrestling him to the ground, and removing the weapon.

    During all of this, someone thought to call L&O. Last I saw of him, he was attempting to explain to the AF Cops why he felt the need to go for a weapon. Next day, I heard through the E4 news network that he was headed for Germany for a psych eval.


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