Pants Pants Revolution
1. “Wow, your pants smell fascinating today.”
– My wife, as her cat dug his claws into me and wedged his nose into my pants leg. It was like he was trying to do a line of catnip off of my calf.
2. “Aw, lookit how cute she is. Isn’t she just adorable? Look at how AAAAAAAAUUUUGH! Get it out of my pants! Get it out of my pants!”
– Me, approximately ten minutes after bringing my first ferret home.
3. “Hey! It’s been years since I forgot to put on pants before I left the house.”
– Again my wife, who once accidentally went out to smoke wearing a trenchcoat and a long shirt, but no pants. (My wife insists that I point out that we don’t smoke any more, because evidently that is the part of that story that could make her look bad.)
4. “Those are rather unfortunate pants.”
-A friend of mine while watching “Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things”. If you watch this movie you will understand.
5. “Okay, I suppose that it makes perfect sense for you to have a pair of Spongebob pants to match your wife’s Spongebob lingerie. Now why does your wife have Spongebob lingerie?”
– My brother-in-law, to me and my wife. We were visiting and discovered that we had forgotten to bring anything to sleep in. Since we were bedding down on an air mattress, in the living room we went to Wal-mart to purchase sleepwear, so that we would not traumatize our niece. We decided to go with a Spongebob theme on the assumption that it would freak our hosts out. Also I was amused to discover the existence of Spongebob lingerie.
6. “Now that you mention it, yes. The talking pickle has been in his pants.”
– On a camping trip I had in my possession an awesome pair of pirate pants, and a talking Larry the Cucumber doll.
I combined them to so that I appeared to have a gargantuan wang, that spouted ham-fisted Christian propaganda when it was smacked. Alcohol may have been involved.
Please note: Creating a situation where funny things happen when people punch you int he junk is probably not the best idea in the world.
7. “Are we going to label the things that have been in his pants?”
“No we are going to label the things that have not been in his pants. It’s faster.”
After the Larry incident my friends were understandably cautious about handling things in the vicinity of my tent. A labeling system was created.
8. “I have to tell you something that might disturb you. Two lesbians have just had sex in your pants.”
If you have a set of awsome pirate pants, be cautious of camping drama majors. They will steal your pants, and then do stuff in them.
December 18th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
wow…….just wow…..especially the explanation of the last one
December 19th, 2008 at 1:06 am
Ah yes, I have two ferrets and they just LOVE to climb in weird places. I let mine run around the house sometimes and once I opened a random dresser drawer and a little ferret head popped out!
December 19th, 2008 at 3:01 am
oh, the larry the cucumber thing was frickin priceless.
December 19th, 2008 at 3:23 am
This feels so much more disturbing if you’re British, as “pants” has a similar, though subtly different meaning.
December 19th, 2008 at 5:19 am
Wow… punching a pecker for pious propaganda? And lesbians in you pirate pants isn’t disturbing, just disapointing (cause you weren’t there). As for the smoking with no pants thing, my wife does that every morning, except she wears only a house coat.
But alas, not every guy can be said to be as fortunate as to have a threesome with a couple of lesbians.
December 19th, 2008 at 6:03 am
Andrew… I just totally loved your awesome alliteration!
December 19th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Coincidentally, one of my friends owns pantspantsrevolution.com. I should kick her to do something fun with it, because she keeps saying she’s been meaning to.
December 19th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Reportedly overheard in a British pub.
Smoking hot American woman wearing a short skirt: “Boy it’s cold today. I wish I’d worn pants.”
December 19th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Yeah, that’d turn heads.
December 19th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Isn’t “fanny” the same way? Means something fairly innocent in American jargon, and something fairly less innocent in British?
Captcha: “unsteady hatter.” Heh.
December 20th, 2008 at 2:59 am
Yeah, absolutely.
No, I’m not explaining it to you lot, that’s what the Internet’s for. :)
Captcha: Maryland must…be the last station before Stratford.
December 20th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
HaY! I like Larry the Cucumber! Although I must say seeing Larry sticking out of your pirate pants would probably be hilarious.
December 21st, 2008 at 11:51 am
I can think of many types of lingerie I own and/or would like to own. But Spongebob squarepants is not one of them, the thought frightens me. Maybe I’m a little too old fashioned, for I’d rather have, I dunno – Tom & Jerry and Bugs Bunny lingerie. ;)
December 21st, 2008 at 6:49 pm
What about Roger Rabbit? “Pppppppplease!”
December 21st, 2008 at 9:49 pm
/worships Amber’s Bugs Bunny lingerie and Tom & Jerry
I prefer Woody Wood Pecker Boxers. Just for the hell of it.
captcha: brownish ban-d on my boxers?
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:59 am
Just the head?
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:09 am
(lol) Ooo! That brings on some fun visuals as well.. Jessica Rabbit! haha. ;)
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:36 am
Ooo Laa laa – Woody Wood Pecker boxers! *grin* My turn to worship now. ;) Hm, and now I’m pondering lingerie or boxers with Woody and Buzz Lightyear. ;)
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:07 pm
The rest of the body soon followed, thankfully attached.
captcha: Nutbourne were…indeed
December 24th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Depends on the company you keep. :-P
as well as what innuendo you want to use.
March 18th, 2014 at 1:37 pm
My buddy has a pair of ferrets. And toy trains. Not a good combo, as it turns out. He was running his train one day, and as he went into his long (5′) tunnel, the train stopped. so he backed out, applied the full throttle, and out of the other end came his ferret! Once, we found the other one in a boxcar taking a nap. Somehow, it had closed the doors
June 28th, 2014 at 7:43 pm
I’ve got one that spouts things like that, along with the immortal “I love my lips!” and “Have you seen my hairbrush?”
January 11th, 2015 at 8:56 pm
I wonder if Woody and Buzz have met Andy’s mom’s toys. They probably have the same names.