After a brief hiatus we’ve got more military items again.
(Submitted by Andrew)
- I am not “God and King” over the base networks Electrocons and will not wage war on the Protocons
- The computers are not spying on the junior enlisted
- The computers are not spying on the senior enlisted
- The computers are not spying on the officers
- Computers of and in themselves are not capable of spying at all
- Will not use Photoshop to enlarge a SNCO’s head
- Will not email above picture to all lower enlisted on base with the subject “Real photo of <name omitted>’s Ego”
- Will not rename the SIPR as SIPpy so the officers will feel “More at home”
- Will not use official government computers, spare parts, tools and parking lots to build a battle robot
- *Will not use above battle robot to “enforce parking regulations” on other branches of the service
- *Will not attach a fully loaded M16A2 to above battle robot to “make it more imposing”
- Will not use forklifts to “re-park” unauthorized vehicles
- Will not use government assets to build a “beer trebuchet” even if it is really cool to fling a can of beer over 200 yards
- Will not feed the badgers left over meat from the barbeques
- Will not post fake warning signs on government devices
- Will not use above beer trebuchet to fling bottled sodas
- Will not play “CD Frisbee” between the 3rd floors of separate buildings
- Will not write my ex-wife’s name on weapons qualification targets
- Will not bring my own “M16A2” for weapons qualification
- Will not use government assets to build a “fully functioning scale model of a WWI gatling gun”
- Will not test the “armor capabilities” of occupied vehicles with scale model WWI gatling gun.
- Will not test the “armor capabilities” of unoccupied vehicles with scale model WWI gatling gun.
- Will not use the Howitzer as a drum, ever if it has “great acoustics”
- Will always check direction of fire from T-Shirt cannon to ensure it does not fire a baseball through the Base CO’s closed window.
- Will not smile and shakes everyone’s hand thanking them profusely for demoting me a rank after scale model of WWI gatling gun incident
- Will not tell the psyc evaluator “I’m loony as Canadian money”
- Will not build my own bunker with flood sand bags and declare all land in it as ceded from the union and shall now be called Blargistan
- Will not use Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes as my name on official forms
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