Yet Another Monday Morning List Update

It’s that time again, when I print a list of things that someone has learned that they are not supposed to do.

Here’s my list of stuff I’m not allowed to do while working for a summer youth program (SYP) at a large university (to remain nameless). The class I teach is mountaineering and orienteering. If you post this, please include only my first name, no last name or email address.

So no last name or email is included, so that he will now blend in with the hundreds of other SYP rock climbing instructors.

Things Dan Can’t Do While Climbing With SYP Students

1. Throw students off cliffs

2 Even if they are tied off

3 Even if they are tied off and want to try it

4 Bring a banjo to play during the out door climbing session….it makes the city kids nervous.

5 When the instructor in charge (IIC) says to bring all my usual climbing gear, that does not included my .44 magnum, a playboy and 3 cans of dip….its scares the city kids.

6 Tie the students into the belay line with a hangman’s noose….

7 Even if I promise to tie the noose through the harness and not around their necks

8 Even if the noose is a stronger knot than the figure 8

9 When the IIC gives permission to ride my motorcycle to the climb instead of in the vans with the students that does not imply that I get to ride lead, motorcade style….

10 Especially if I plan to get to the lead position by passing the vans at over 100 miles per hour….in a wheelie.

11 Throwing large pebbles off the cliff is not an acceptable way of enforcing the no P.D.A. rule….especially if the offender is the IIC and his significant other.

12 The IIC’s admonishment to “Be sure to rig strong anchors” does not imply the need to rig 150′ of tubular nylon on a single anchor point.

13 When the IIC requests you to “tie off” a particularly clumsy student, 15′ feet of tubular nylon, a pair of locking ‘biners and a rock bolt anchor is sufficient….no need to “Spiderman” the student to a tree with 50’ of tubular webbing….

14 Even if it is “for their own good”.

15 Its considered “unsportsmanlike” to occasionally add rocks to other instructors packs through out the day….even if it’s funny to see the look on their faces when their pack that started at 20lbs, weighs 45lbs at the end of the day.

16 If an idea makes me giggle for more than 5 seconds, consider it banned.

17 If an idea makes me smile, think it through again before trying it.

18 Replacing the standard climber/belaying communication phrases with other phrases containing double meanings is not allowed.

19 When instructed to “keep it PG”, that does not mean I go surf the web for the dirtiest PG movie ever and then watch it to see what I can get way with.

20 Its not funny to place small rare earth magnets under the IIC’c compass and inside his GPS battery compartment in order to make him look like a jackass.

21 Just ’cause the IIC made me hump the 5 gallon water cooler around, as a form of punishment, does not mean I get to call myself “the water bitch”.

22 Its considered impolite to challenge the IIC to an uphill race while I’m humping the water cooler….especially if I beat him.

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This entry was posted on Monday, August 4th, 2008 at 10:39 am and is filed under New List. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.