Archive for April 1st, 2008

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Seriously, for sale I have no idea in what context this originated. I am just amused, and a little disturbed.

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Several years ago, viagra buy I started playing my first MMORPG. I was unemployed, living alone, and had no girlfriend, and thought I would find a game to occupy my time. I got a copy of Ultima Online. For the time it was an amazing game, and I enjoyed the interaction with thousands of other dorks from around the US and the world.

But, like any other MMO out there, there comes a point where you are not always out grinding for XP, you just socialize or find weird ways to have fun. In Ultima Online, when you just sat around and talked to other players, the activity was called “bank sitting” as the bank was where all players came and went at one point or another. It was the place to virtual people watch. You could see all sorts of interesting things at the bank. City guards killing a thief, people buying and selling crafted items, people arguing about who is more uber, … the usual.

I’m not sure what possessed me this one night, but I wanted to do something really interesting and have fun. I had a large audience and plenty of spare time.

I thought it would be funny to march around the bank and protest for gay rights.

I’m not gay. I’m not anti-gay. I’m just a straight guy who thought, “How funny will this be to have a gay pride parade in a medieval/fantasy game?”

So, I rolled a new character, “Gay Blade” and dressed him in the foofiest, pink shirt the game offered, along with a nice Van Dyke for the facial hair and an awesome receding hairline. He looked like half the gay men I have known in my life already. Finally if there was any question about his sexuality, I made him a fencer. Let’s face it fencing is the gayest form of swordplay, so he had to be a fencer.

Since I didn’t really have any friends in the game, and certainly not any I was going to convince to take part in a gay pride parade, I decided to get a horse and name it Gay Pride. The cool thing about having a pet, like a horse was that they would follow you where ever you went and their name showed up on screen as well as your name.

So, when I started, people at the bank saw a guy dressed in pink named Gay Blade, followed by a horse named Gay Pride. We walked in a circle around the bank, while Gay Blade yelled, “We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it!”

Plenty of people thought it was funny.

“We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it!”

A few just wanted me to shut up.

“We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it!”

I even had one guy come up to me and tell me that he was gay and that I was his new hero.

But then I ran into intolerance and bigotry.

There were a couple of guys that were none too happy with me expressing my virtual homosexuality to the world. They tried to give me crap and called me names. Basically they were not thrilled that my horse and I were here or queer and they certainly were not going to get used to it anytime soon.

Finally one of them told me to go to the cemetery just outside of town.

The cemetery was where people often went to duel, as it was outside of town and fighting in the town limits was illegal and the guards would come and kill you. I knew he wanted to fight me. I knew he would beat the crap out of me as my character was about thirty minutes old and had no “skillz” to speak of. But I went anyway because I had a plan that I knew would be funny.

We get to the graveyard, and this guy almost immediately starts to attack me. As he does, I begin to yell, “HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!”

He kills me and starts to ride back to town, after taking my belongings, including the foofy pink shirt, which just adds to the theory that most homophobes are actually a bit gay themselves.

I’m left standing there as a ghost. But I noticed that my faithful horse, Gay Pride was still alive and following me. That’s when I realize that since I am a ghost I can have my horse follow this guy where ever he goes. It drove him nuts to have this horse just stuck to him in town where everyone can see. No matter where he went, there was Gay Pride following him.

You should have seen him run in circles trying to shake us. I think he was afraid he might “catch the gay” from a virtual queer ghost and his virtual horse.

I made the mistake of following him to the graveyard again, where he killed my horse. So I had no choice but to resurrect and come back. As soon as he saw me, he attacked me. Again I screamed “HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!” Dead.

Resurrect.

“HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!” Dead.

Resurrect.

We did this over and over, and I may have even questioned his sexuality based on the intensity of his reaction to me and my horse. He finally ran off or logged out or something. I guess gay bashing becomes tiring when your victim keeps resurrecting and spreading gayness all around you.

It was one of the most fun times I have ever had in any MMO. I would like to think I struck a blow for tolerance that night, but I think all I accomplished was cracking myself up and annoying some homophobic jackass. If that isn’t fun, I don’t know what is.

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