Every year I try to do at least one April Fool’s Day joke on at least someone. Some years I may do 2-3 jokes. Whether I’ve contracted the clap from the Bearded Lady at the traveling circus to pregnancy scares, to cutting off appendages with a power saw, miter saw, snapping turtle, sharp edge of a toilet seat, to wrecking cars, bikes, or Barbi power wheels, I always catch someone unawares, and enjoy a laugh or two at how I got them!
This past April first did not start out very good for me at all. When I tried to do the whole “you’re gonna be a grandma again!” thing on my mom it backfired. I figured that since I’m only engaged and not married and that since a big chunk of my pay is going to my ex-wife for my other two kids that my mom wouldn’t be to thrilled with me being a dad at this time. Turns out that she was ecstatic. Now my joke was just plain mean. Not what I had in mind.
So I figured I’d try and save the day from being a total waste by coming up with something big, something that would involve multiple people and really come out of left field. I decided to go after the proprietor of my favorite watering hole.
April 1st fell on a Pool League night for me. I play for my local watering hole, “Mooses” in a league of local watering holes, ran by the vendor, Billy, who contracts their pool tables, dart board, cig machines, and those damn touch screens with naked girls that have sucked down so many of my dollars over the years.
I contacted Billy, who runs the leagues and explained to him my plan. My team was shooting away that evening, and I wanted him to call my bar owner, known as “Moose”, and tell him that he has to come get his team out of jail, because they got into a fight over a foul, and destroyed the home team’s bar, and since he sanctioned the team under his name he’s liable for all the damages.
The plan worked great, but what I didn’t count on was that the owner of the home team Bar, “Justine” wanted in on the game, and that she was actress quality. After the vendor placed his call to Moose, Justine placed a call. She shut up her entire bar and restaurant, and about 30 people sat there and listened to her let Moose have it.
“Is this MOOSE?! What kind of Assholes do you have on your pool team? My guys just joined this league to have a little fun, and play pool not get into a bar-brawl over some petty shit!” The cops just left and took your guys downtown! I want to let you know that those guys punched a girl, put a pool stick through my jukebox, and broke about twenty beer mugs, some of them over my customers’ heads!!!!!” I talked to my lawyer, he says that you’re liable for the damages because they were here as your team!”
I finished off the joke with a call to Moose myself. He was pissed, and swore to God that he wasn’t paying for those damages, and was headed to the police station right now! I asked him if he had bothered to look at the calendar, and it got all quiet on the other end…
Then I hit the speakerphone button, and had Justine’s entire bar yell “April Fools!”…and listened…… “You son of a bitch, I’m going to kill you!!! Where’s that Justine woman at? You damn near gave me a heart attack!”
I know that some of you Skippyslist readers have some good funny AFD stories. Let’s hear em!