Baby Vomit
You know, it’s not that my son pukes white foam up all over me several times a day that bugs me. It’s the fact that he looks so darned proud after he does it.
Have you ever seen the 80’s remake of the fly? Remember how Jeff Goldblum would vomit on things as part of his eating process? It’s sort of like that; I have a tiny person the size of a cat, who is apparently attempting to pre-digest me.
Also, vomit used to be a line in my life that was never crossed. If I wound up with vomit, especially someone else’s on me, it was time to bath and change clothes immediately. I now find myself strangely ambivalent about vomit. I find myself thinking things like, “Well sure I have puke all over my pants. But I don’t think I have enough puke to bother changing pants just yet.” I have actually found myself trying applying a sliding scale, based on what I plan for the day. “Definitely not enough puke to bother changing if I stay home, I can probably still go to the grocery store…should probably change if I get a job interview….depends on the job I guess…”
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March 10th, 2010 at 10:12 am
Definitely don’t need to change for a phone interview. Or for Starbucks.
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March 10th, 2010 at 10:32 am
Since he’s too young to enlist in the Army, he has to drive authority insane somehow…
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March 10th, 2010 at 11:25 am
I’ll bet if you tell this to your parents, they’ll glance over at your own baby picture, snicker a little, and then tell the boy “good work!”
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March 10th, 2010 at 12:56 pm
it’s amazing how that happens, isn’t it? Have you been peed on yet? For boys, i recommend a “Peepee Teepee” to keep it from getting on your head. It’s always interesting how your perspective changes, for example, since I became a parent I can carry on a lengthy conversation about baby poop, it’s consistency, color,what might be causing it to be that color… it’s pretty amazing actually and would have probably made my 18 yr-old self cry.
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StoneWolf reply on March 11th, 2010 5:08 am:
A guy at works’ kid found a vent grate in the floor, and then pissed all over his Dad who was working on the floor below.
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Star reply on March 12th, 2010 11:58 am:
It’s not just boys who will pee on you. My daughter did the same thing and she got a pretty high stream going, about 2 feet, giggling the whole time.
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kat reply on March 12th, 2010 5:21 pm:
Yeah, but boys tend to have the point and shoot across the room. A friend of mine’s son has hit the ceiling a couple times, and the wall across the room. She says that she’s almost afraid to take a shower because without fail as soon as she does he will pee all over her.
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Janice reply on March 13th, 2010 3:20 pm:
We bought the Peepee Teepees. We discovered that they work under the assumption that your boy will never wiggle and squirm during the diaper changing process. And yes, we can cover him with a diaper. But its got to come off at some point so we can clean the boy bits. And THAT is the moment when he thinks: “ready! aim! fire!”.
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March 10th, 2010 at 4:52 pm
i nearly didnt respond to this. then i saw the captcha.
my elder child, when she was about 4 months old, emptied out on her grandfather every time he picked her up. there was something coming out of each end, he just didnt know where to protect himself. i told her “good going, kiddo!” (he’s a dick.)
captcha: squirt group. yep, they are at that age.
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March 10th, 2010 at 7:05 pm
I have found that the makeup of baby poo and vomit is 1 part Velcro 3 parts toxic waste
captcha : would depots , I swear I giggled for 10 mins I am such a child
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March 10th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
Welcome parenthood, Skippy. You are not alone.
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March 10th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
We used to warn people that my daughter liked to “scent mark” everyone who held her to mark her territory, but she was cute and blonde with big blue eyes and they picked her up anyway.
Heh, her daughter is due in 3/5 weeks, I sure hope she is just like her mother!
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March 11th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Learn to recognize the signs of an impending vomit volcano so you can innocently pass the child off to an unsuspecting person just before he blows.
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March 21st, 2010 at 4:49 pm
I’m too young to have kids, but I am just saying…
I’m adopting.
Yeah…>.>
Captcha: Diffuse, which
I think you guys can figure out SOMETHING with that. XD
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March 26th, 2010 at 5:46 am
The smell of soap and clean laundry nauseates babies. Just sayin’.
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