Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

RANDOM ZOMBIE CRAP #1

I was out of town last week for my grandmothers funeral. When I came back and checked my mail at work, I saw that I missed one of the best employee morale booster events at work ever. I missed Zombie Day at the call center.

It’s July. And they had Zombie Day. I am blessed to work for such an awesome company. May all companies one day embrace Zombie day.

Yes this is true. No there is no punchline. I just wanted to rub in how much more awesome my employer is than yours.

RANDOM ZOMBIE CRAP #2

If Battlestar Galactica had zombies in it, at one point I am sure we would have heard Commander Adama say, “The Cylons taste like us, now.”

RANDOM ZOMBIE CRAP #3
This is the new wall paper on my computer.

RANDOM ZOMBIE CRAP #4

RANDOM ZOMBIE CRAP #5
A Message for the zombies…

Follow

I don’t own any guns, but I have been debating about getting one to protect myself from all the gun nuts stockpiling guns after Obamas election.

They are buying all these guns because they are afraid the government will take their guns away. But they are buying so many guns and getting so uppity, (shooting cops and immigration offices and all that), that it makes me think someone should pass a law and take their damned guns.

Not that it will happen but still I think more people will want gun control because the gun nuts are getting gun nuttier. It’s like some crazy Second Amendment vicious circle.

My manager and I were discussing this and he mentioned the freaks with fully automatic weapons, and wondered how you get connected to the black market like that.

I mean, it is not like buying drugs. All you have to do is be in high school or know a high schooler and you will have connects for just about everything.

Recently I tried to buy pot, so I talked to my friends, and they had no idea.

This is when I realized that any street cred or cool I ever thought I had is now officially gone.

But, this all made me and my manager wonder how you get connected to any black market?

Lets say you are a pedophile that really likes kiddie porn and that is really your thing. How do you find other pedophiles and kiddie porn suppliers? You can’t just be standing around the water cooler, and ask, “Hey, do you know where I can find a good kiddie porn website?” Yet, you are always hearing about whole crime networks being busted for kiddie porn.

Interesting side note… if you Google “NAMBLA” you will see this… (The website changed since I wrote this, but there was a snapshot of what the page looked like, so I saved a copy here).
welcome to nambla

welcome to a world of pleasure… Enter password: JOIN US ! get your own nambla t-shirt.

That’s right, you can get a NAMBLA T-SHIRT. Order now, and I can almost guarantee you’ll be the first kid on your block to sport one of these puppies.

Another side note on the NAMBLA website, it is www.nambla.de. That is right, the North American Man Boy Love Associations website is not even hosted in North America.

You have to wonder, how do these people find each other?

Speaking of finding like minded people, it makes me think about the couple that kidnapped people kept them as sex slaves and then when they were done with them, they would kill them and bury them out on the yard. (I already wrote about this topic, but if you are curious and never saw my thoughts on that, check this out).

Follow

Due to packing and an impending move, one of my regular contributors offered to take over writing posts this week, starting tonight.

As you can see he didn’t.

Now I don’t want to cause him any trouble, so I’m not going to name any names or anything.

Such as Michiel, for instance.

(more…)

Follow

So here is a picture of an otter.

That is all.

Follow

(Submitted by ltc_insane)

1. Have pallet jack races around the store when the day staff go home.
2. Riding a pallet jack period is against OH&S even though the stock runners still do it regardless.
3. Should not laugh in any of the night fill managers faces when they tell me I have to do the impossible to fulfill the store managers unrealistic expectations.
4. Should not laugh at my managers when they say there is not allowed to be any excess stock of lines which are full and won’t go on the shelf.
5. When working past midnight night fillers probably should not start a congo line around the store.
6. I should not sing the D&D version of Jingle Bells during Xmas time to compensate for the horrible Xmas songs/carols that play over the store speakers all night.
7. Bon Jovi songs should not be played loudly & repeatedly from the stereos in the electronics department.
8. I should not strongly curse the store manager by the many foul names I have labeled him with just because he’s a clueless asshole.
9. Especially when he is in the next room and may hear me.
10. I should not threaten to throw anyone down the compactor………no matter how much they may deserve it.
11. I should not threaten to kill anyone, especially not any of the day staff managers.
12. I also should not threaten to kill the pay office staff even though they seem to fuck staff pay on a regular basis.
13. I shouldn’t tell the night fill head manager that she has a nice ass, even though she does have a nice ass and finds it amusing that I would even say that to her.
14. I shouldn’t flirt with the night fill head manager in any way, shape or form even if I do it to keep her sane and amused.
15. I should not laugh when I knock an entire end of books over.
16. I should not refer to new night fillers as “fresh meat for the grinder”.
17. I will never be allowed to use my altered version of a certain speech made by the drill sergeant in the pilot of Space Above & Beyond on new night fillers.
18. I should not swear when the store is still open.
19. I should not swear so loudly that i can be heard clear across the store.
20. ……….even if a bunch of shelves nearly took my head off
21. ……….even if the end cap of stock I’ve just filled collapses because the brackets and shelves are useless.
22. I should not curse customers for leaving rubbish and stock from other departments all over the place ……… especially when the store is still open.
23. I am should not refer to the store as one big OH&S violation.
24. Night fill should not shake the vending machines.
25. ……… even if the food/drinks frequently gets stuck in them
26. I am not allowed to kick the vending machine when it short charges me for 3rd time in a week.
27. Night fill are not allowed to get bolt cutters to cut off the padlock to lockup so we so we can put away the expensive electronic stock because the fools from the day staff locked the key away where we cannot get at them.
28. I should not take pride in the fact that one of the night fill head managers I worked under told me that he has never encountered someone who hates their work place as much as I did.
29. I should not threaten to kill members of the day staff for leaving trolleys of cardboard at the compactor without bothering to put it in the compactor and leaving it for us to deal with.
30. Night fillers should not play soccer inside the store and laugh at the amount of stock that is knocked off the shelves during it.
31. I am not allowed to refer to the counting and checking during stocktaking as a waste of night fill’s time.
32. Night fill managers are not allowed to use the PA to tell stories during night fill.
33. Or do silly voices.
34. Night fill are not allowed to suck helium while inflating balloons to do silly voices.
35. I should not refer to the female staff who dress up as Santa’s helpers at Xmas time as “Santa’s Sexy Helpers” even if their skirts were incredibly short for their size.
36. I should not remind the night fill managers that with all the unpaid work they get stuck having to work that they are making less per hour than a 15 year old Macca’s worker.
37. Night fillers should not tell their managers that they are making more money than the managers.
38. I should not take spiteful pleasure in racking up overtime just to spite the store manager for being a tight-fisted moron.
39. I should not curse the cleaners who come to do the floors of the store for keeping the night fill staff back for half and hour because they cleaned and sealed the floor on the way to the back door.
40. Night fill should not curse the cleaners for turning up at the worst possible times and making our work harder by having to go around the areas they are cleaning.
41. I am not allowed to dismantle a cardboard display stand with a crowbar.
42. Night fill is not allowed to use large boxes to hide in just so we scare the crap out of someone.
43. I should not refer to most of the monthly corporate training/education as a waste of night fills time.
44. I should not comment after viewing the first 5mins of the latest corporate training video as a couple of million dollars better spent on staff.
45. I should not sign off on corporate training saying I’ve done it when I haven’t.
46. Even if it is not particularly relevant to our jobs most of the time.
47. I am not allowed to refer to cleaning the fixture room as a waste of time as the day staff always end up messing it up within 24hrs+.
48. I am not allowed to laugh at the day staff while they are trying to catch pigeons who have some how gotten into the store.
49. RnB Xmas songs are a blasphemy and should not be played over the PA at Xmas.
50. I am not allowed to refer to the store as “the hellhole”.

Follow

Feel free to comment.

Follow

I found these on the interwebs the other day, and thought I should share. Consider it my apology for the clown porn thing a few months back. – Michiel

PG PORN: Nailing Your Wife

PG PORN: Helpful Bus

Follow

My friend Diana sent me the following email yesterday.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skippy

Scroll down to the last of “fictional characters”

I am now questioning my very existence.  I mean, it’s on the internet, on Wikipedia.  Therefor it must be true.  Which brings up several disturbing thoughts.

(more…)

Follow

The Do’s and Don’ts of WoW: – From mostly a rogue’s perspective.

(Submitted by Jason Cyrus)

1. Do not mistake the mass buff bind for the Blink bind. This will result in your immediate death by cleave from the boss you are about to fight.
2. Do not pick a fight with a Ret Paladin, they will rape you in the face.
3. If you aren’t a plate wearer, do not pick a fight with a rogue, they will rape you in places you didn’t know you had.
4. Even if you do wear plate, unless you are a paladin, don’t pick a fight with a rogue, they will still rape you in ways you couldn’t imagine.
5. Just because the Paladin/rogue is on half hp does not mean you can win.
6. Always check your buff mats, no one likes to hear “I ran out of candles I’ll have to buff all 40 of you singly.”
6a. Don’t expect mages to always make a table.
(more…)

Follow

Well it’s still Christmas break. I know this because my online game servers are just chock full of high school students. Thanks to them I now know important things such as anyone who disagrees with you is clearly a noob, co-operative dialogue can be replaced with volume, and that “gay” can be used as a verb.

I weep for the future.

So to honor these delightful seasonal opponents I present a list of things that you cannot do in High School.

(Submitted by an anonymous young lady who fears that her principal may look at this site.)

1. Don’t sneak into the principal’s office and “fix” the Friday memo.

2. Or replace his photo of his wife with Bill Gates.

3. Or draw boobies on his desk with permanent marker.

4. Don’t print SPAR (Smart People Against Religion) posters with the printer in the resource room.

5. Especially if your P.E. teacher is Baptist, and the extra balls are stored in there.

6. Especially if the computers store records of what was printed by who, and when.

7. Don’t draw boobies on security cameras. (They didn’t have lights, so I assumed they were off.)

8. Don’t spellcheck the yearbook.

9. Even if I was dared.

10. Even if I was offered money.

11. Don’t use spray starch on vending machines’ coin slot.

12. Don’t tell a clueless bully that vaginas have teeth.

13. Don’t ask him for his lunch money.

14. Don’t wear a “mikey effin way” shirt to school. (And I spent $10 on it at a thrift store, too.)

15. Don’t play with Superglue and the teacher’s coffee cup.

16. Don’t snap off Barbie heads and leave them in the soil for the archeology activity.

17. Don’t play Doom in computer class.

18. Don’t use the onscreen keyboard in the same.

19. Don’t point out that the science teacher is a VERY stupid Christian who told the class to pray to God to forgive us after we opened our anatomy books to page 74. (male reproductive organs.)

20. Don’t ask the librarian if they have a copy of the Anarchist’s Cookbook anywhere. (They don’t, trust me.)

21. Don’t release three (barking) dogs labeled 1, 2, and 4 into the school. (And hide cassette recorders all over the place with nothing but barking noises.)

22. Don’t replace a movie about the digestive system with lesbian porn. (Unless its Bill Nye.)

23. Don’t fill a sex doll with helium and put it in the gym. (I hid it in a pile of clothes at a thrift store.)

24. Don’t ever sign graffiti in the art room. (Even though it’s art.)

25. Don’t spam from school computers.

26. Don’t spam school computers.

27. My rights to taking my laptop to school can be revoked.

28. My rights to be in the hallways between classes can be revoked.

29. So can my locker privileges. (They see me putting beer bottles filled with Pepsi into it one more time, I’m screwed.)

30. Don’t glue a condom over the taps in the washroom.

31. Don’t put panties in the gym teacher’s bag.

32. Or the principal’s chair.

33. Or the garbage can in the hallway.

34. Or the vending machines.

35. Don’t replace “Stevie the Two-Headed Snake” with a Cabbage Patch head.

Follow