This counts as romantic in my house.
Recently me and my wife were watching the Farscape series on DVD. One of the main characters went through a period where an evil alien had taken partial possession of his brain. This would manifest itself through bouts of crazy and irrational behavior. At one point when the evil alien’s forces were closing in on the good guys, the brain control made the hero try to surrender. His girlfriend realized what was going on, and rescued him. By hitting him in the head with her gun until he went unconscious.
Upon seeing this my wife turns to me, and sweetly informs me that if an alien presence ever took over my mind, that she would knock me out with a gun to save me.
I have a few problems with this. Firstly, we do in fact have a gun present in this house. A very large semi-automatic shotgun. So she has the tools at hand to carry out this idea.
Problem number two. My wife can be a bit “enthusiastic” at times.
The third issue is my belief that my wife will take a rather liberal definition of “alien presence takes control”.
“Hey! You’re looking at our waitress instead of me! Clearly some sort of alien mind-control is at work!” Bonk.
“The toilet seat is up! This smacks of alien trickery!” Smack.
“My husband would never lay on the ground having a seizure brought on by severe skull trauma! Release him you impostor!” Clobber.
So I’ve taken to hiding the gun, and wearing my Romance Helmet around the house.
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February 14th, 2008 at 3:11 am
O_O Wow. That goes on the list of movies not to show females…
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February 14th, 2008 at 4:34 am
For some reason you two remind me of Zoe and Wash from Firefly.
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February 14th, 2008 at 7:10 am
Oh my God, you mean you are married to my wife as well!?!?! LOL!
You think you have it bad, not only does this sound like something my wife would do, but a few examples of the “items” she has to help “exorcise the alien presence” would be;
M60 machine gun (airsoft, but weights as much as the one I carried for 6 years in the Army)
half a dozen M16 variants (also airsoft, but all weight nearly as much as the real ones)
2 different Mosin Nagant rifles (both real)
Soviet SKS (real)
AK47 (real)
RPK (semiauto and real)
3 different shotguns (all real)
and roughly 30 other either airsoft or real firearms.
I think I am moving out, this could be dangerous…………
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Snyarhedir reply on January 28th, 2011 1:52 pm:
You have enough guns to re-enact the lobby shootout scene from The Matrix!
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February 14th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Clearly, your wife has a problem there, Skippy.
She’s under-gunned.
She needs at LEAST a couple handguns, a rifle, and (by preferance) an MP5 sub-machine gun.
Just ask my wife, and she’ll tell you!
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February 14th, 2008 at 11:07 am
In this case it’s a clear advantage, if your girlfriend/wife is at least two heads smaller than you.
Well as long as she’s trying to hit your head …
@Dwayne: Holy S***! For which war are you preparing?!
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February 14th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
I thought the Romance Helmet was for a whole other part of anatomy…
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February 14th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
This explains why dad hid all the guns…. No not just because of that silly wabbit. I see.
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February 15th, 2008 at 4:28 am
You see, I’m Canadian so I don’t have big heavy guns for the wife to hit me with. I also don’t have a wife, but that’s a neither here nor there.
So lonely……..
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February 15th, 2008 at 10:32 am
I feel your pain. My ex used to joke about her cousin Vinny who ran a cement mixing company. Odd, she never laughed.
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February 16th, 2008 at 12:06 am
Thank you so much! I now know what to do if this happens to my husband and I know exactly what to use. He’s got his grandfather’s 12 gauge tucked back in the closet and I’m sure that would be perfect. Guess I best start eating my Wheaties where I’ll have the strength to swing it when necessary. :-D
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February 16th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
My brother and I used to watch Farscape together. One of the nicest things he’s ever said to me was inspired by that show- a promise that if he joined a resistance movement to overthrow a totalitarian government, he’d warn me first.
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February 19th, 2008 at 5:26 am
*snickers* Poor Poor Skippy…
*tries really hard not to giggle*
so sounds like something I would do to Stan.
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February 24th, 2008 at 12:01 am
I love Farscape, haven’t watched it in years. Was that Aeryn (sp?) hitting Crichton (sp? again) by any chance? I do love Aeryn (& Chiana) & I was so not a huge fan of this XD
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February 25th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
First of all, just read your list and even though you are a former ground pounder, bullet sponge, what have you, and I am a former squid, I think all of us in the service can relate to everything on that list!! Kudos!
As for this romantic encounter, do we get to return the favor once a month?? It seems only fair!!
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February 28th, 2008 at 1:25 am
Ok, I need know what the “Romance Helmet” is so I can be prepared for my gf who took great joy in promising to save me with a frying pan after reading this.
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February 28th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Not enough guns. I really don’t think you have enough guns. Dwayne has enough guns though! I remember when my dad, who’s ex-service, told me that he was going to take me to get my license to carry. He told me that they’d ask questions like “What’s the first rule of guns?” My first thought was ‘don’t point it at someone you’re not going to kill.’ I ran that through a filter for civilian consumption and actually said “Don’t point it at someone you’re not planning on shooting.” He just looked at me and than said, “Don’t say that to a civilian please.”
He never did take me to get my license. I never did tell him I’d already tried to edit for civilian comfort. Odd that.
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March 11th, 2008 at 2:30 am
Farscape is an awesome show. I know the scene you are talking about – one of the most exciting in the series. Especially when Aeryn, D’Argo and Bekesh are storming the Depository with their alien night googles and Aeryn’s quit working – she could only see by the flashing of the armaments going off around her. It was a brilliant scene. Knocking Crichton out when he was attempting to return to the bad guys was her simple, direct and very effective method of getting them out of trouble.
Aeryn rocks.
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