New Air Force List
(Submitted by AFP)
1) If my desk happens to be located in a hallway, I am not allowed to charge a 25 cent toll for each person who walks past my desk.
1b) Especially if it is one of the LT’s running back and forth working on a project for the BCE.
1c) Not even “To support the squadron Booster Club”
2) Not allowed to forget my lightweight blue jacket on Mondays. This makes it rain sideways.
3) Not allowed to have a stripper pole and stage built in the breakroom.
3a) Not even if one of the sergeants in the Structures shop already has the whole thing drawn out and planned in detail.
3b) Not even if it can be built entirely from scrap materials or things purchased cheaply from Lowe’s Hardware.
3c) Not even if all tips go to the Squadron Booster club.
4) When working in the UCC during an exercise, if we get a bomb threat, then “Simulated Boobytrap” is not an acceptable substitute for “Simulated Destroyed” or just taking the damn laptop with you.
4a) The Silver Flag instructors have microphones in the UCC that lets them hear what you are talking about.
5) When conducting a runway demolition to create craters for the CE guys to practice filling in, it would be courteous to warn the rest of the people in the camp before sending them all back to their tents in search of clean pants.
6) Working for 14 hours straight in the UCC, and remaining attentive and aware the entire time, sucks. You still don’t get to complain about it to anybody else in CE who spent the 14 hours outside doing manual labor.
7) When the CSU shop chief orders you to “Low-crawl your ass in here!” he does not mean for you to literally low-crawl into his office.
8) When the CSU shop chief offers to share something with you, and is grinning, politely refuse.
8b) Icy Hot now comes in a deoderant-style stick.
8c) When the CSU shop chief offers to share a handfull of tiny peppers with you, they are going to be intensely hot.
8c.1) If you are from Texas, the UCMJ requires that you accept and casually eat them anyways.
8c.2) What is barely spicy to the airman from El Paso is going to be molten magma in salsa form to the BCE from up North.
9) When doing “Individual Movements” training for Prime BEEF day, you can elect to not wear your uniform top and save yourself some laundering, but be advised: Grass is very scratchy and itchy when dragging bare skin against it for 20 or 30 feet or more.
10) Part of working Customer Service in the military is NOT telling the Customer what you think of the urgency of their request: ie: it’s been a problem for two months yet did not warrant a phone call to us, but now they have someone important visiting and it needs to be done in the next 24 hours as an Emergency. Remember that almost all of your customers outrank you.
Follow
October 12th, 2009 at 5:01 am
FIRST!
10 – It’s always a priority when a bigwig comes a callin. Until that time the troops can suffer. And it was always be someone else’s fault if the OIC gets a gig.
Reply
CCO reply on October 12th, 2009 8:54 am:
It occurs to me that sometimes, maybe, perhaps that is why the big shots drop by? My daddy said they didn’t get hot water in their barracks in Korea (in ’58, up near the 38th) until they had a general inspection. My unit got new barracks after we got inspected, but that could have been the BOSS (better opportunities for single soldiers) program.
On the other had some things don’t get found or fixed until you move. The installation lost a lawn mower and had to do a report of survey on it. I think we came across it later when we were doing something else. Oops.
Reply
AFP reply on October 13th, 2009 6:35 am:
Heh, when I was at DLI, we had a General come to visit, and the squadron and post Honor Guards (both I think relatively ad hoc, since this was a joint-forces training base) had a few problems with their weapons.
IIRC, they did a firing salute (might have been a Memorial Day or Veterans’ Day formation) and all seven rifles used by the representatives from four branches on the base misfired. So you just heard *click* *cycling the bolts* *click* *cycling the bolts* *BANG* (One Marine finally got his rifle operational on the third try)
Later on, our squadron honor guard was doing a rifle routine, and one guy’s rifle actually broke apart at one point. They paused the routine as if it were planned, and did a rehearsed routine of switching the broken rifle for the spare, then finished the performance.
I’m told that soon afterwards, we got money for new rifles and an armory for the squadron Honor Guard, and supposedly for the post Honor Guard as well.
Captcha: Severity George – In his older years, George was no longer curious, and now quick to punish stupid questions from his offspring.
Reply
October 12th, 2009 at 5:39 am
I’ll add an item 11, Actual fires at the fuel storage area cancel exercises about fires at the fuel storage area.
Reply
CCO reply on October 12th, 2009 6:25 am:
Where you at Fort Polk when the fire set to get rid of rubbish from land clearing got into the JP-4 tanks? (I wasn’t, but I heard about it.)
Reply
Jim C reply on October 12th, 2009 12:35 pm:
No this was at Griffiss AFB back in the 1980’s.The 416th Bomb Wing. We had a Operational Readiness Inspection. A team of SAC IG flew in unannounced. We knew we were due, but there was a 3 to 6 month window when it could happen any time. As was the norm, they called a disaster exercise as soon as they chocked the wheels. We were in the middle of the usual ant hill of activity moving equipment and aircraft out of the danger area when a call came over the radio, exercise terminated. We knew something was up, the IG never called off an exercise during an ORI. It turned out a civilian welder had started a small fire in the fuel storage area.
Reply
October 12th, 2009 at 9:31 am
At one of my former units (will decline to mention which one) a muckety muck was unimpressed by the sign hung in the back of the company stores: “The beatings shall continue until morale improves.” Corporal in charge was given a written warning. New rule: “Not allowed to point out the counterproductive disciplinary measures taken by anybody above my rank. Especially if they’re aimed at me.”
Reply
StoneWolf reply on October 13th, 2009 4:21 am:
My mother teaches 5th and 6th grade and has that same sign on her wall behind her desk.
Reply
AFP reply on October 13th, 2009 6:37 am:
May I just say that is all sorts of friggen awesome.
Reply
MikeP reply on October 13th, 2009 7:41 am:
So she’s probably fine until a general comes along to make sure her cabinets are in order.
Reply
October 13th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
As a fellow El Pasoan… you are dead right on the salsa. How are you dealing with the lack of hatch green chiles where you’re stationed?
Reply
Podmunki reply on October 14th, 2009 3:07 am:
You mean the green chiles from Hatch, New Mexico…Heh, got family out that way. Try some hot sauce where the ingredients are as follow: Habanero peppers, piquin peppers, salt and vinegar to taste, and enough water to keep it from being a paste. Aguy from my church, when i lived down there, used to grow and make his own…DEAR GOD!!! My ex-wife’s mouth actually went numb after tasting it…
Reply