Navy List

August 16th, 2009 by skippy

(Submitted by James)

1. Not allowed to pee in a bottle and drop it out of the hellhole of an H-53 while over rush hour traffic on I-264.

2. Also probably why CO doesn’t let us do I-264 transits anymore.

3. Not allowed to make MRE bombs at the pistol range.

4. Especially between courses of fire.

5. Not allowed to make people “clean pad eyes” for EMI.

6. Not allowed to send a new check-in up to personnel in search of an “India Delta 10 Tango” form.

7. Not allowed to send same check-in to tool room for a bucket of rotor wash.

8. Not allowed to call ahead and let the tool room know said new guy is coming.

9. Not allowed to make fun of Chief because he can’t even hit a target with an M-500.

10. specially not allowed to show up said chief when shooting next.

11. Not allowed to use the word douche in reference to anyone doing someone stupid. Or any form of combination of words with douche in it for that matter. I.E., douche nugget, douche bag, douche nozzle, etc.

12. Not allowed to call back with “wassup, it’s Bruno” (especially using the accent) when someone hails you on the radio on the maintenance channel.

13. Especially during maintenance meeting.

14. Especially especially not when AMNT inspectors are present at said meeting.

15. Not allowed to say IAW the prophecy in the corrective action block on an aircraft MAF. (Sorry I know you said Skippy couldn’t say “in accordance with the prophecy” in your list but I couldn’t resist.)

16. Not allowed to imply this in said block either. “You’re dumb, that’s not broke.”

17. Not allowed to write aperture guard is !@#$ED in the discrepancy block of said MAF.

18. Even if the part is really messed up that badly that nothing else aptly describes it.

19. Not allowed to sing “up popped the monkey from the coconut grove” for a cadence at PT.

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spc ward Says:
August 16th, 2009 at 11:04 pm

whats an m-500

M. Simmons reply on August 17th, 2009 2:10 am:

According to Google an M500 is a multi-shot gas shotgun. For somebody to be unable to hit anything with a shotgun it would be very poor marksmanship indeed.

When I was at college and taking mandatory Army ROTC (I went on the second year and volunteered as I had dreams that the Army might pay my way), I shot 63/100 standing, 85/100 kneeling and 93/100 prone the first time I shot the competition .22 rifle. I didn’t have the spare cash to join the team, but they did want me. Especially when I told them I had used my brother’s .22 rifle to shoot the head of Lincoln on a penny mounted to a backstop at 25 feet away. And this rifle wasn’t a competition rifle, it had a reasonable recoil. The competition rifles are so heavy there is no recoil.

Al Li Says:
August 16th, 2009 at 11:53 pm

What is number 19 anyway?

M. Simmons reply on August 17th, 2009 2:14 am:

It’s from a dirty poem/song:

Out popped the monkey in the coconut grove
He’s a cool motherf*cker you can tell by his clothes
He line a hundred women up,against the wall
Bet ya ten bucks he can f*ck em all
He f*cked ninety-eight ’til his balls turned blue
Took a shot of whiskey
Then he f*cked the other two
When he died he went to hell
F*cked the devil and his wife as well
Written all over his grave in cream
This mother f*cker was a f*cking machine

TeratoMarty reply on August 17th, 2009 6:47 am:

Dammit, my family reunion was two weeks ago, I coulda used this then!

Freiheit reply on August 17th, 2009 11:29 am:

Tomorrow – things TeratoMarty is not allowed to do at the family reunion

StoneWolf Says:
August 17th, 2009 at 4:30 am

I know a guy who used to be a Navy Firecontrolman and they used to have a very special clock in their shop. They cut a playboy pic or something and fitted it over the clockface. Earned them excellent marks from the Chief and XO whenever they had inspections.

Now, whats the “hell hole” in the H-53?

Jon reply on August 17th, 2009 6:57 am:

Ha! We had a playboy cutout stuffed in the reactor compartment on the Arkansas (CGN-41). You could only see it if you looked through the lower level site tube, which turned it green.

The best part? Once it had sat in there while the reactor was hot, it was considered to be contaminated material, and HAD to be treated as such. :)

StoneWolf reply on August 17th, 2009 12:23 pm:

So she’s so hot she’s radioactive? We need to power more boats that way.

DevilDogSgt reply on August 29th, 2010 11:42 pm:

A CH-53 is a military helicopter. It has a hole in the bottom that Marines ‘fast rope’ out of. Think sliding down the pole at a firestation. Except its made of rope. And 60-100 feet long. And may or may not actually reach all the way to the ground, depending on how good your pilot is. And you need to move quickly, cause theres someone else coming right after you, so you can’t worry about the ground being there, or another Marine will hit you in the head with his boots.

A picture of flying helicopters with the hell hole visible.

http://www.richard-seaman.com/Aircraft/AirShows/Miramar/2008/Highlights/Ch53sMiramar08.jpg

And a picture of it in use.
http://ootp.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/fast-rope-from-helicopter-to-flight-deck_100714-n-3154p-214.png?w=600&h=388

Stonewolf reply on August 30th, 2010 6:23 am:

I have heard of the CH-53, but for some reason didn’t connect that with “H-53”. I’ve seen fast roping, but I didn’t know there was a hole in the CH-53 just for that, thanks. 1. makes a lot more sense now.

Devil Doc Says:
August 17th, 2009 at 5:54 pm

wait…sailors do PT?? WTF???

Jon reply on August 18th, 2009 7:57 am:

Yerp… twice a year, when it comes time for the physical readiness test.

RivCA reply on August 18th, 2009 5:13 pm:

It’s called the three-mile club. There are some sailors who only run that mile and a half twice a year. It’s sad, to be honest.

Jon reply on August 18th, 2009 5:23 pm:

Run?

I know when I did the PRT at Bremerton, I would walk half of it on the track… the uphill portion of the track.

I still want to know whose brilliant idea it was to put that track on a slope…

Catbunny Says:
August 17th, 2009 at 10:20 pm

… #1.
I am so glad I moved out of Norfolk, VA. O.O

PO2 Thbbbpp reply on August 19th, 2009 9:41 am:

And I am suddenly very sad that I not only drive home on 264, but also live way too close to Oceana. My poor defenseless car.

Tzanti Says:
August 18th, 2009 at 12:57 am

I shall have to link this to my mate, he’s heading off to BRNC Dartmouth in a couple of weeks. In fact, I may send him all the naval and officer-cadet lists. He’s heading for the arse-end of Devon, it’s the least I can do.

RivCA Says:
August 18th, 2009 at 5:12 pm

Polish the padeyes. I’ll have to remember that one.

We actually had some new guy get sent to the NEX here on base for a spool of centerline. They came back an hour later saying that they couldn’t find it.

Rule one of NNPTC: You are no longer in boot camp; common sense is authorized.

Jon reply on August 18th, 2009 5:25 pm:

Ha! I knew an ET2 aboard the Arkansas who got put on mail buoy watch for three hours. That command went all the way to the XO, who made it a legal binding order for him to stand the watch… hilarious!

viper Chief Says:
August 18th, 2009 at 7:51 pm

While I was at tech school for -16’s, I got sent for K9P lubricant. Made it all the way to the MSGT in charge of the shop looking for the K9P. I had ringing in my ears for 2 days after that.

Corpsman45 Says:
August 19th, 2009 at 8:22 am

I put in a order to supply for 6 gallons of propwash, 3lbs of cast iron speculums, and directional bearing grease, and someone spent 45 minutes looking for it. I figured I’d just get a laugh. I’m not even on a ship.
Here’s another for the list: When Chief is wearing the new blue/gray digital cammies, don’t be the one to remark “Gee, Chief, looks good. Even your hair is getting in on the new uniform change.” Espescially when you’re an e-2.

em2(ss) Says:
August 19th, 2009 at 10:02 pm

i am no longer allowed to tour the reactor compartment. The engineer caught me having some quality time on the rx vessel. Figured I’d leave a pressent for RC div since they took my tools and proceded to weld them together with capacitors.

Grayson Says:
August 21st, 2009 at 1:24 pm

Ahem.
Regarding #1:
I want DETAILS.

I really want to read about any and all missions flown, loads dropped, what type of bottles offer the best accuracy, what kind of awesomely weird people do this shit (names should be changed to protect the guilty), and most of all, whether anyone has managed to score on an admiral’s vehicle (preferably with an admiral inside). Details, darn it.

In addition, I respectfully wish to nominate ‘James’ for the newly created MOS of Piss-Bomber 2nd class. Sorry, but no first class until we get details!
Do any Skippyites out there wish to second the nomination?

Capcha: New gaites – heard a rumor that the old gaites got piss-bombed, and had to be replaced. They just missed a 2 star admiral, though.

air farce dude Says:
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:32 am

Ok well I wasn’t going to post untill i saw the captcha and now I gotta.

Captcha- 9:30 direct I guess that’s what time the admiral’s car finally got hit by the piss bottle bomb.

ET2 Twidget Says:
August 22nd, 2009 at 8:49 am

Caps also work great for teaching your sup that if you can’t sleep, neither should they.