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Current Events

October 26th, 2011 by skippy

Once again I examine the issues happening today.

  1. Vermont Senator Leahy has introduced a bill to make it a Federal crime to sell fake maple syrup. Mrs Butterworth and Aunt Jemima last seen driving off a cliff in a 1966 Thunderbird.
  2. Republican Party is becoming too extreme, says noted sane moderate Pat Robertson.  GOP seen slamming a Mountain Dew and snowboarding down a sky-scraper.
  3. FBI suspects Rep Murtha is corrupt.  Investigation on the wetness of water still ongoing.
  4. Afghan President: I will back Pakistan if it goes to war with the US.  Unless my regime is propped up entirely by the US military…you know what?  Never mind.
  5. Hooray! We got rid of the illegal immigrants.  Crap.  We got rid of the illegal immigrants.
  6. Sure I kidnap and murder people, but at least I don’t read Twilight.
  7. Qaddafi died brutally at the hands of the people of the country he used to run.  I hope he had the decency to not look surprised right before it happened. (Note: not linking the video on here, it’s as bad as you would expect)
  8. Keira Knightly does not let people spank her.  That’s it.  She’s off the list.
  9. Just in time for Halloween Facebook incorporates the New York  Sex Offender Registry.  Or as trick-or-treaters call it “The map to the really good candy.”
  10. “Oh crap, is it after midnight already?”

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5 Responses to “Current Events”

  1. Phelps Says:

    Air Force attacks Occupy Las Vegas with Icy B.M.



    Prodigal reply on October 26th, 2011 3:58 pm:

    They were moved by the protestors’ cause.


  2. jmireles Says:

    Re: #5- That’s called being hoisted on your own petard.


  3. Psychlycan Says:

    Missed one, PETA is suing seaworld for slavery of the orcas they have.


  4. Susan Says:

    I thought you *had* to be kidding on #6. Just when I think I’m old and jaded and have heard/seen/read *everything*…


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