Skippy Exposes Himself To The Internet
My wife is passionate about web-promotion the way that I am about zombies and video games. This leads to her constantly exploring and researching newer and better trends to take advantage of.
Of these trends is this whole “transparency” thing that some companies have going on. My understanding is that by revealing information about myself as a person, that means that potential customers will feel like they know me as a person, if not a friend, and are thus more likely to give me their business and/or keep reading my site.
For a while now my wife has been hinting, with rapidly decreasing amounts of subtly, that I need to start using these techniques. Partly to keep people interested in my site, and partially to get them more interested in our business. And partially because I think she just enjoys telling me what to do.
She actually wrote a whole big article about it on the business’ blog, which can be seen here.
“People like knowing things about the people they see online…” She would say (a lot) “You should totally be more open about personal information about yourself, so that people think of you as their online friend, instead of just this random Internet joke machine.”
“Actually most people think of me as a one joke pony, that is way past my expiration date. I mean, The List was funny, but it’s not like people really care much about anything else I’ve done since then.”
“We never do what I want! Your reluctance shows that you don’t respect me as a wife and business partner! I am totally not going to let you buy Dead Rising 2 if you don’t do this!”
I am less convinced of this idea, but hey, it will get my wife off of my back, so here we go.
Personal Information About Skippy:
I am currently a stay-at-home dad, an online student, and a small business owner/employee.
I live in Garland Texas with my wife, our two children, and three ferrets.
When I was a teenager I read that male porn stars shave themselves around the “fun zone” to make all of the parts appear bigger. “Well heck,” I thought “Who doesn’t want to look bigger?” Of course, being an intelligent young man, I opted to try out a “test-patch” to make sure that it wasn’t going to look stupid. I used the really cheap electric razor I had, that was mainly intended for the sort of light weight peach fuzz that most teenagers get. The result was painful, and I got to have an really uncomfortable conversation with my Mom about why I was yelling in the bathroom. Also, for some reason I still have the bald spot to this day.
I consider myself a political moderate. I arrived at this view because while I was in the Army and living in North Carolina, everyone considered me to be a tree-hugging hippie. But when I got out and went to art school in San Francisco, everyone there thought I was a goose-stepping fascist. So my views are clearly somewhere in the middle. That or I am just contrary.
Since I work from home, pants are now optional.
I once wore a kilt made entirely out of fruit roll-ups while at a large festival. I thought I had invented a good way to meet women. I had in fact invented the worlds worst bikini wax system.
I once performed a sexy table dance wearing only a a tutu. For charity. I think they raised around 70 dollars to make me stop.
I learned long ago, that if you are holding a Katanna and singing “Princes of the Universe” your supervisor is likely to decide that you don’t need to work late today after all.
Actual jobs I have been paid for in my life: Graphic Designer, Dishwasher, Government Propagandist, Video Game Designer, Telephone Psychic, Delivery Boy, Party Clown, Magician, Pharmaceutical Distribution Facilitator, Advertising Salesman, Obscene Balloon Sculptor, Cashier, Paratrooper, Lawn Care Specialist, Fast Food Vendor, Painter, Author, and Make-up Effects Artist. I only made one of those up.
I am not, in fact, wearing any pants right now.
In high school I found that a bathing suit and bubble bath can go a long way towards making a clothed person look naked when you are video taping them. This is handy if you want to make a horror movie for a school project. It is important that you make sure your teacher knows about this trick, otherwise you are going to have an awkward conversation with an authority figure about showing amateur porn in class.
I learned the hard way that nothing puts the breaks on a potential three-way like projectile vomiting.
Due to an epic level of intoxication, I once spent an entire night hiding from a Nine Inch Nails music video.
I once got a haircut when I discovered that I looked remarkably like a creepy porn producer. Not that I resembled a specific producer. But that there appeared to be some sort of standard model for creepy porn directors. A friend of mine kept sending me links to online porn videos where the producer would be interacting with the young lady before the scene started. And every time the guy would be different, but would look a lot like me. The same build, glasses, hair-style, and they even dressed like me. I figured that the easiest fix was either my hair or my wardrobe, and a haircut was cheaper.
I can go literally weeks at a time without putting on pants now. I have basically turned into some sort of pants-camel.
There. That should make my wife happy.
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September 23rd, 2010 at 11:16 am
Nice to meet you!
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September 23rd, 2010 at 11:33 am
Chatroulette much?
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September 23rd, 2010 at 11:50 am
So, seems like the main message here is you don’t like pants. Is this in any way related to the fact that you own ferrets? Or why you wore a fruit-roll up kilt?
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Maven reply on October 8th, 2010 6:54 am:
As I recall, he billed it as “The Edible Kilt” and it was very popular. I thought the red licorice lacing was an especially nice touch. There was always an expectation of “What will Skippy come up with this time?” when you came to the festival.
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September 23rd, 2010 at 12:01 pm
This is the police. Come out with your pants up.
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September 23rd, 2010 at 1:06 pm
I laughted so hard about the fruit-roll up kilt bit, one of the techs came into the store thinking I was having a seizer!
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September 23rd, 2010 at 2:39 pm
THEN WHO WAS SKIPPY???
Also Nice to Meet You :D
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September 23rd, 2010 at 3:03 pm
“I consider myself a political moderate. I arrived at this view because while I was in the Army and living in North Carolina, everyone considered me to be a tree-hugging hippie. But when I got out and went to art school in San Francisco, everyone there thought I was a goose-stepping fascist. So my views are clearly somewhere in the middle. That or I am just contrary.”
Skippy, are you sure you’re not me?
And I’m not wearing pants right now, either.
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September 23rd, 2010 at 3:56 pm
This is why, this is why, this is why you’re hot!
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September 23rd, 2010 at 4:05 pm
For some reason I’ve been here for years and never realized you were that close. I’m in Addison, but I was in Mesquite up until this year. And no, this doesn’t mean I’m going to go psycho stalker. We’re both too well armed for that.
My list isn’t as impressive. I’ve only got soccer referee, announcer, fast food technician, technical director, music video TD, videotape editor, Hospitality AV, Laserdisk cutter, DVD author, paralegal, and trial consultant.
I’m usually wearing pants, and in fact end up changing them at least once a day.
captcha: peoples ilegeman
And I agree.
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skippy reply on September 23rd, 2010 4:28 pm:
To be fair, ion the past five years I’ve gone from Plano Tx,to Chigaco,, to Phoenix, To Carrolton, to Garland…I’ve actually only been this close for a year or so.
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Andrew reply on November 22nd, 2010 4:48 pm:
For some reason I always thought you lived up in the north… I’m from Allen, kind of cool knowing you’re not far away.
But I agree with what Phelps said, I’m not gonna stalk you. Besides, you’re probably a better shot than me
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jmireles reply on October 17th, 2010 2:10 pm:
My list of jobs held: fast food technician, medical assistant, cab driver, medic, professional scapegoat (been married twice before), worked in a chicken processing plant cutting up chickens, security guard, baby-sitter for Iraqi Correctional Officers, phlebotomist, and warehouseman.
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jmireles reply on October 19th, 2010 10:30 pm:
Oh, I forgot…roofer, and collection tech (taking samples for drug testing, for Johnson County Probation and Parole).
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September 23rd, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Argh, forgot to add in production tech on the first Warren Commission and House Select Committee on Assassination CD-ROMs. That was a fun gig, not because of the subject, but from the callers looking for information.
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September 23rd, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Garland? Wow, I never realized that, either (nodding to Phelps). I’m in Southlake. For some reason I always imagined you in someplace exotic. Or at least further away.
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Derko5 reply on September 24th, 2010 12:50 am:
Hey, Garland is exotic. We have…… O.K. We’re not exotic, but we were mentioned in a Zombie flick. So There.
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September 23rd, 2010 at 7:40 pm
So, Skippy (a.k.a. Princess Anastasia) did the kilt of Fruit Roll-Ups to attract women.
He shaved a little bit…to attract women.
And yet, we still don’t know how he and his wife met. Inquiring minds want to know, Skippy.
Captcha: remance century, if that’s what you want to call it, I have no better name for it.
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September 24th, 2010 at 1:28 am
aw man, now that I’ve read this, this $#!& is too real. I LIKED my random internet joke machine. The magic is gone now…@#$%. Now what am I going to do with my copious spare time?
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Stonewolf reply on September 24th, 2010 11:35 am:
Porn
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September 24th, 2010 at 7:55 am
Since I’ve started dating a girl in Frisco, I’ve become quite familiar with the northern Dallas suburbs (I live in Austin, and yes I am dirty commie hippie).
We should have a Skippy’s List Meet and Greet at some point.
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September 24th, 2010 at 8:22 am
Welcome to the group!
I can relate to the mixed political perceptions. People in Massachusetts thought I was politically to the right of Darth Vader. People in Alabama think I am the next Ted Kennedy.
I haven’t had as many interesting jobs as you although I am qualified to perform maintenance on any vehicle inthe Army form operator level to General Support/Depot level.
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September 24th, 2010 at 11:34 am
Wasn’t Garland TX in Zombieland?
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September 26th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
Skippy, I’ve lived in Garland for 8 yrs. now. Best thing about it is, very few people here are wealthy, so I feel comfortable with my relative poverty. Also, the City Council is mostly sensible.
And how does one qualify to be a telephone psychic? Yes, I know, if I have to ask I’m not qualified.
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September 27th, 2010 at 10:23 am
Yeah, I’m curious about the awesomeness of you being a Telephone Psychic!
The one about hiding from a NIN music video made me laugh like Peter Griffin, which in turn made my co-worker laugh at me. I’ve been having a rough morning at work, so thank you for this little break!
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October 3rd, 2010 at 3:11 pm
‘I learned long ago, that if you are holding a Katanna and singing “Princes of the Universe” your supervisor is likely to decide that you don’t need to work late today after all.’
OMFG, how you managed to stay out of jail with that one is totally beyond me!
I’m just sitting here, imagine me acting out that very same scenario, and chuckling evilly.
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October 19th, 2010 at 10:31 pm
I don’t know the DFW area all that well, being from Austin originally, but my oldest daughter lives in Alvarado, TX.
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